Fantasy Lover

Habit

2010-03-04T18:59:00.000+08:00

Today I was talking to Tina, and we started email conversation. To my surprise, she actually apologise to me regarding the misunderstanding we had. (Oh ya, my working relationship with her improved. Initially, I thought it's because we dun have the chance to work together) It's a good thing la.

Within our conversation, I realize something about why it's so hard to change a habit. If you want to change something, you must actively remind yourself that you want to change it. At the same time, you must know that whether have you manage to change it. And, it boils down to what is a habit?

Habit is a behaviour that is done without much self-conscious. In another word, habit will occur without you realizing that you're doing it.

So, how do you monitor something that you dunno that it's happening?
So, how do you change something that you dunno that you're doing?

The above 2 questions explain why it's hard to kick away habit.

Solution? I dun have any as of now. The closest I can have is...
Develop another habit that counter your original habit.

Example: When I'm stress, I start to eat. So instead of eating, whenever I'm stress, I go jogging.
Sooner or later, you'll realize that when you're stress, you dun start eating, but starts to think about going for a jog.

Example: When I make a mistake, I think of why it happens and gives explanation.
Instead, when I make a mistake, I acknowledge that I make a terrible mistake. I find ways to amend my mistake.
Sooner or later, when I make a mistake, I'll start to take corrective actions instead of finding excuses for myself

*wink*wink*

KL Trip

2010-03-01T19:40:00.002+08:00

The usually lazy me, finally decided to download the KL trip photo from Yanliang's given link. Looking at the photos, listening to eyes on me, not studying =x... It reminds me how miracle-ly that two person had gotten together despite their (our) difference. All the past memories slowly appear and reminds me

- how we meet

- how we gotten closer

- your 17th bday

- my BMT farewell

- our morning sunrise cycling

- in the muddy drain

- runway cycling

- my 20th bday and the surprise

- my 21st bday 2's and 4's

Surprisingly, I just realize all those memories belong to the period in my singlehood. lol. Not to worry, it seems to me I've enjoyed my singlehood with you always around. At that period of time, I acted like a bigger brother to you. Very often, you seek advice from me and take respect to what I've said. Times and again, we met up and had fun just chit chatting with each another. Initially, it seems almost impossible for 2 person from 2 different world to unite and become one. But fate brought us together, time passes. We have been together for more than 2 years.

Within the 2 years, there are times when we are happily laughing. There are times when we quarrel roughly. Ups and Downs we faced them all. I see more challenges (same challenges) in the near future, but I hope we could clear them all and reach the destination that I always want to be. I know you know what I'm referring to. Ok. I always dunno what to write anymore. Time about 7.55pm. I think I should try call you already. lol. Hope your lesson ends slightly early. lol

About myself

2010-02-28T04:48:00.002+08:00

I just realize something true about myself, something that dar dar would have seen but had not clearly identify.

Put it in a good way: I think about others before me...
Put it in a bad way: I don't speak what I trully think when I think about others...

As a matter of fact, I didn't really want to play mahjong. But since Lawrence they all short of 1 leg, I dun mind joining but yet I wish to slp early so I can study earlier. Before the game started, I told myself, "play till latest 1am". But when I started playing, I realize wei jian and wei ji lives so far. If we play awhile only, they like abit waste time. We play 2 rounds already, I asked "2am le, when are we stopping?" They ask me if I'm ok, I say I follow the rest. Everyone say I dun mind or I stay up late 1. Then we continue for 1 more round. After finishing the 3rd round, I asked again "We continue or stopping". Same thing they asked me if I'm ok, I still say I follow the rest. Everyone say finish the last game lor. So we play till 4am lor. lol

I dun mind playing, it's the company that counts. At the same time, I want to go home to slp so I can study tomorrow. Yet, I seriously dun like "sao" (Sweep) people "xing" (mood)... So I want to play a more follow the crowd person... Instead of standing up for myself, I chose to let everyone else decide for me.

Put it badly, I wished everyone else could decide, let's end it. I'll be happy and everyone else is happy. (Being selfish in a way, depends on how you see it) If everyone else decide to continue, everyone else is happy, I'll be the only person who didn't really get what I want, but I'm okok la... lol (Dar dar, sound familiar to you right)

In a way, I think this part of my character is abit girl girl. lol

kk.. Time to slp le. It's 5am liao!

Thanks to advancement in technology

2010-02-27T16:46:00.002+08:00

With technology so advance nowadays, contacting dar dar from singapore is of no difficulty.

Phone call to china cost only $8 for 880 minutes talk time. That's a lot cheaper as compare to years ago.

Video call via internet is so simple and the video quality is not that bad la, can't expect it to be crystal clear.

Flight tickets to china is not that expensive since budget airline flies to a lot of places now.

Ok! I shall call dar dar now. She must be waiting for me already. I guess and I hope. lol

Yu Ching in Hong Kong now

2010-02-16T14:13:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since I last blog. You can say that I have lost the passion to write what I think since most of the time it's just daily updates and daily thoughts. Since Dar Dar is oversea and blogging seems to be the best way to express myself to her, therefore I'm blogging again. Hope I can do it on a daily basis. Won't take too long to blog since I should be studying now.

Right now, I'm in NTU studying alone. Haha. Maybe not alone since I'm sharing table with a girl! mwahahaha. Just random. Yup. Quite sian to think about studying in school alone, but I have to do it since I'm aiming to do well for my degree. Talking about my degree, I was talking to my bro about his studies recently. And I told him about my plan.

1a) study NTU EEE part time for 5 years

1b) study NTU EEE part time for 2 years and convert to full time for another 2 years.

2a) Go into NIE and take teaching as a career

2b) Further my studies for a master in engineering in US

2c) Enrich myself with business management related courses (part time)

3) When everything else is stablized, I'll like to take up video filming as a hobby or even join a course to enrich myself in this area.

Ok la.. spoke alot. Dar Dar, I miss you!

Happiness

2007-07-26T18:06:00.000+08:00

What a topic! My definition of a happy life is to lead a simple life the way I want.

Different people have different definition of simple. My definition would be just the way I want. How do I want it? I guess I don’t have a plan to it. Leading a life planned in advance is kind of tiring. By the age of 25, get a degree. Fight for my career for 5 years and get married. Have 2 children. Retire by the age of 50. This is too much for me to handle, seriously!

I would prefer my simple life as simply as just to live the moments. I’ll enjoy what I have and not ask for more. I’ll do what I want for what I can. I’ll live my life with no expectation. This is what I believe of a simple life.

In modern context, such a life is closed to impossible and unrealistic, but I would like to believe this is what I want. So far, this is the kind of life that I’m living in.

Sometimes, it makes me wonder. Living a life with no expectation, somehow or another, slow downs my pace. Looking at the people around me, even the ones that are younger than me, everyone had moved on, into their next phrase of their life. Picking up their pace to suit and fit into the moving society, while I’m still walking at my own comfortable pace, looking at each one of them running pass me and ahead of me. Yes! It starts to make me worried. Although I’m somewhat concerned and worried, I’m not moving. That is because I believe that the simple life that I always wanted does not require me to move at that pace. I believe that when you are moving at such a fast tempo, you will miss out the precious moments of your life and neglect your love ones. I will like to hold true to what I believe.

A Chinese phrase should best describe what I want. 笑看世界. To add on, I would like to 笑看世界 with the woman I love. I also believe this is the main reason that I’m starting to worry.

Why do I say so? Can you name another person that have such a mentality, and to be more exact, another women that have such a mentality?

Having say so much, I didn’t really say what I want for a simple life. It’s not an expectation but a vision of what I will like to have. Share all the moments with the woman I love by my side. We’ll be living in a flat with just simple furniture just sufficient for daily necessity. I’ll be working in an office / environment with minimum commitment so that I will have the spare time to spend with my family. That’s about all that I’ll like to ask for, any thing else extra, it will be just bonus and I’ll be more than happy. =)

Finally, manage to log in once

2007-06-02T12:45:00.000+08:00

Make this a short 1 as I'm mapling now. =p

Updates from... ehhh... linkamanic(red cross event) bah... haha... It's from 25 May to 28 May (Monday)

Yup! I took leave on monday just to attend the camp. The Links (kids age from 10 to 12) are so kawaii!!!! yet they can be very very devil!!! visit http://link2007a2.blogspot.com for pictures of my cute links! but currently, it's not uploaded yet =x.

allow me to explain how devil they can be! Handling my group (11 links) alone/with my partner mentor is already a headache. Imagine on the last day, I'm handling the entire platoon almost alone! REALLY big headache ar! You can never account strength properly 1, reason being, they dun just stay where they are or where they suppose to be. Even if they do sit down, within minutes someone will say I wan to go to the toilet or I wan to go refill my water bottle or I wan to go to the bunk for whatever reason. Handling the platoon, it's like 4 times the trouble of a group. I almost shout at some of them when they were quarreling over dunno what la... Imagine 5 kids come to you, and started talking at the same time. x_x

But in the end of the day, I really miss them la... lol... for once, i really miss a camp...

Something I learn for this camp, it's also a mistake I made. As a 2 years VI (senior), I shouldn't be a mentor but at least a chief mentor. Yup, I chose to be a mentor myself as I never been a mentor for links b4 and I'll like to have a taste of what it is. Well, I can click with the junior VI but at the same time, I felt that I still doesn't belong to their click in some way. something like oil and water just dun mix. maybe that's the generation gap bah. lol. The thing that I learn is actually a phrase, which is "you either move UP, or you move OUT".

In a volunteering organisation or even a herichy base organisation, in order for the new batch to come up and learn new stuff/ to improve themselve. The older batch have to either move up or move out. inevitable, it has to happen, else the organisation can't improve and remain stagnant.

Enough of the links. The goat farm visit!!!!

Goat farm and toad farm visit is DAMN FUN! not course of the place, but course of the ppl you're going with and of course the things we had done. Words can't explain how fun it is. Video and pictures will. haha... Wait for updates bah... within this week, i sure update, coz i'll have a long MC soon. ;)

And.... Thank you cel and lisa for accompany me at jurong point. haha. else I'll bored to death sia. well! see ya guys again tomolo for movie. Tata.

The world

2007-04-25T18:35:00.000+08:00

This is the continue of yesterday's post.

I believe that the world is in the shade of grey. No definate right and no definate wrong in another words.

I believe that I'm living in the world of "greyness" looking towards the "white", yet aware of the presense of the "black". Kind of complicated yet simple thing. lol. (honestly, I also dunno what I'm writing. lol)

An example might help explain what I'm trying to say. This might be a little sensitive but I guess it's alright. Charity donation. Do you think 100% of your donation goes to the charity? I believe even before the NKF thingy, many already agree that not 100% of your donation will go to the charity but not so much to the extent of the NKF issue. The part where ppl knows the charity isn't 100% donation goes to them. It's a very grey thing, cause we can't say it's wrong that not 100% of the donation goes to charity since a portion of the money should be return to the organiser for putting in the money and effort to organise a charity exercise. But at the same time, people donate the money and expect 100% of what they donate to goes to the charity and not just a certain percentage goes to the charity.

Even after the NKF thingy, my opinion is still donate to charity (looking at the "white" side) yet aware that some charity drive are fake (aware of the "black" side).

Haha. Actually, this is a lousy example since I dun really donate much. hahaha. but what I'm saying is I'm aware of certain dark thoughts and ideas of this socialty yet I won't doubt it when it is going to happen to me but I'll be careful and escape in time before it happen to me. Haha. sounds so wrong again. hahaha. But, I understand what I'm trying to say la. Hmmmm... can someone rephrase for me?

Myself

2007-04-24T22:48:00.000+08:00

I finally understand myself recently. Thanks to Lisa, she gaves me the mood to blog this down. =p Thanks for the chat of philo, it's been a long time since I last have 1. *wink*

Myself, haha, think I blog this b4. but i'll do it again!

I'm a person who does things that I want and when I do, I dun need any reason to do it. Or rather, one reason is valid enough to be the reason for what I'll do, and that is "I want to". Sometimes, I want and enjoy taking risk, and that explain why I enjoy cycling on the busy road so much. Enjoy speeding with the car right beside you. It's just so thrilling! lol

Still rmb those days when I hope that vanessa will turn around and talk to me again yet I refuse to look for her, at the same times, i understand that she's not a person that will turn around once she decided to move on. Come to think of it, actually, I believe that she also understand very well that I'm too, a person that will not turn around once I decided to move away. lolx. We're similiar in this, am I right, vanessa? Althou we might walk away without looking back, there will always be something in our memories that reminds us about our shared memories.

One feeling that I only notice recently which is my most wanted feeling. It isn't happiness nor love. It's trust! It feels so good when ppl trust you, when ppl relay on you when things happen, when ppl depend on you. I notice that trust is also a key value to be practise with leadership. I might go in depth some other days regarding trust and leadership.

As the first bold sentence I said above, I'm a person that listen to my heart more than my mind in many issues but when it comes to BGR. I becomes very undecisive, my actions are decided by my heart yet controlled by my mind. When it's involve BGR, with the slightest risk I sensed, I immediately back off, I hate this coward me sia. lol. can't help it. That explains why I'm fickle minded recently.

There's quite a few more, but i just can't recall now. haha. will add on when i recall bah...

Stress, Moody and Confuse!

2007-04-23T18:15:00.000+08:00

DAMN IT! Stupid PA job I'm having now. flooded my outlook express with 100 mails in 2 working days, trying very hard to clear the mails but only manage to clear 50 mails today. while trying very hard to clear my mails, I still can kanna sai kang from the mdms -_-" not only so, the mdm overseeing my PA job kept reminding me things that I'm already doing or done. (e.g. I finishing typing a document and send out, after 2 or 3 hours, she ask me have i done or not. This process repeat over and over again. 5 or 6 times a day) DULAN 1 la!~

Then got some personal issue arise out of nowhere that spoilt my mood. Controlling my emotions while trying to clear the stack of papers and documents is xin ku de lor. But I'm glad I'm more matured compare with b4 that I actually can continue working as I know if I dun, things will pile up and people, not only me, will get into trouble.

Then the Finale, bloody ERIC! call me up just to ask for money. wants to borrow money but dun go straight to the point. Speaking in the manner that is kind of wasting my time and beating around the bush. Not only so, I isn't very familiar with him. Althou we are BMT mates, not a single time I rmb him helping me in anyway. Aiya, simply say, even during BMT, whenever I talk to him, I'll get pissed by the way he do things and the way he speak la, always need ppl to help him yet he dunno that we're helping him clearing his shit. Mama boy! simply childish!

A more thing!

2007-04-23T02:03:00.000+08:00

Something I randomly think of and asked myself. It's one of the "life" question that I always like to ask ppl.

Here goes, "will I be able to 为了我心爱的人而放弃我的天空?"

This question comes to me as I was cycling, cause it's rather very dangerous just to cycle by the road. If when I have a gf, and she always get worried coz I went cycling then she asks me to not go cycling for her sake. will I be able to do it?

Tough question, seriously. first, I can't picture myself having a gf and it's a gf that ask me to not do something for her sake. sounds drama to me! 2ndly, cycling is like one of my favourite pass time, it's like asking me to not do something that I like to do. it's very xin ku de lor. tough choice. haha. guess, I won't have an answer now. when that day comes, then I'll answer to the whoever person that ask me this question bah. lol

I really very enjoy this chalet

2007-04-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

Just came back from OA chalet. Seriously, out of so many chalet I been to, this is the most enjoyable 1. It feels good to be surrounded by your friends and ppl that trusts you, that knows you better than you know yourself, ppl that you care about.

First night, we already started drinking. Oh gosh, I'm not very unlucky yet I drank quite alot. Not the cups I drank, but it's the content I drank. lol. Anyway, shu ting drank alot too, so much to the extent sometimes I wonder does she know what she was doing or she simply let it out. lol. But well, dun think we drank the most for the night, just that we aren't good drinkers that's all. Slp till very sweet for that night, maybe it's the alcohol.

Second day, I woke up first and I went cycling myself. Went out for "morning exercise" (lol) and enjoy scenary. But heat rash is irritating (oh, I'll have heat rash if I drank too much), but not that bad only alittle bit itchy. Even as I'm typing now, I'm still skretching myself here and there. Anyway, it felts good going back to the chalet after the "morning exercise", for some reason.

Skip the noon since noon time is mahjong and preparation for bbq. During bbq, the guys have problem setting up the bbq pit, lol, still dare to call ourselves OA instructors sia, outdoor cooking setting up the fire so jia lat. lol. But in the end, we still manage to set it up la, just slower than usual. Reason we're slow? We fan and blow too early, and we're short of fire starters.

During cooking, as some of us volunteered to cook first, so the rest of us decided to go arcade. Enjoyed playing in the arcade. haha. Everything we do together, it's enjoyable 1 la. lol. Went back to bbq pit with a different shoes, left side I wore my slipper, while my right side is shuting's slipper. gosh! so many ppl was looking at me la, think I siao or something lor. wear different shoes, haha, how cares about them sia. I happy jiu hao! Well, back to the pit, abit bay song, but it's also due to the bay song, I learnt that I had changed and I grown up. Save the details and make it simple, I dun go heads on with ppl I'm might go quarrelling with, I simply siam as I felt it's pointless to quarrel and make the rest uneasy. =x but sorry guys, I know some of you do notice I abit bay kum wan, I can't help to show it. Hope the next time such things happen again, I'll be able to really let go more (fang de kai). =)

Half way thru the BBQ, I notice the sky is just so beautiful, full of stars and the moon is beautiful too. So, I went off alone to enjoy the sea breeze, the quiet night and the beautiful sky. Gosh, for the first time, I notice that the night can be so peaceful and quiet, yet I can hear the voices from the pits. It's a new feeling! It's like, hearing voices from the background but your eyes looking into the far distance, dark and cold yet calm, deep in the heart, you feel peaceful. To be frank, I felt something else lingering in my heart, and that's why I went off alone to calm down. lol.

Anyway, after BBQ, I just feel like going cycling so I did! and I went to the spot I found during the morning exercise, and sat there, listening to the waves hitting the shore and feed the mosquito! lol. lucky, I have my pounch, it got lots of useful stuff that I won't take out e.g. insect repellent. Sat there, thinking of many many things, but generally it's about myself and OA peeps. Myself as in how much I understand myself. recently wanted to post about myself but just too lazy and can't find the mood to write it out. lol. As for OA peep, it's about how I study about their characters and their behaviours. Althou OA peeps are generally friendly peeps, we also have our own problems and bad habits or bad altitudes. haha. It's ok bah I guess, since we're humans too! Sat there for an hour I guess, it's getting late, I guess I should be on my way back and so qiao, shuting sms me to tell me they are not coming and ask me what time I'll go back. =)

Back in the chalet, I bathe at my own will, not because someone ask me to. haha. Hmmmm... Chee Yong came asking me am I ok or not. Haha. I just simply act blur and say something like huh? i'm ok ar? what's wrong? =x Sorry! I dun mean to go cycling without telling you all, but... I just feel like it. haha. Anyway, I did tell shuting, wei jian and lugan. SHIT! I went too into details liao. It's been a long long time since I wrote everything out. I'll shorten from here on.

Play mahjong again, then sian liao, we go out play Nintendo. WAH! so cool! the new console is just so awesome! the games are so fun! can't stop laughing looking at the faces of the ppl playing and the things we need to do to play the games. Especially the "boxing" game, WAH, never seen them been so CRAZY! swing, hitting, cursing, punching, yelling like your whole life is in it! Haha! Might consider buying the console sia! play till almost 6 in the morning, then bay tay han liao, go koon liao. Slp till very song again, maybe it's too tired liao bah. Haha. Slp till I dun feel like waking up sia, so shuang lor!

Last day, nothing much. woke up around 1pm. play game, go makan then go back chalet play mahjong again. hmmm. after that, I left for my driving lessons. and catch up with them again to go jia prata at paya lebar. thanks for compromising with me sia, come and fetch me to go eat prata. chit chatted in the prata shop then went home liao. feel alittle lonely after seeing the last person goes off, haha, dunno why, maybe it's because we enjoyed each others company for 3 days and suddenly, walking home alone. Received lawrence sms thanking us for the company, lol, but I guess we all enjoyed ourselve fully and truly! That's what friends are for!

Haha. I guess I want to blog it down and wrote so long, cause I really enjoyed myself and have too much emotions involved that I really really really want to write it out

It's MY story

2007-04-16T18:48:00.000+08:00

It's time to move on because it's MY story. This quote "it's MY story" I had heard it from 2 RPG games and only come to realise what it truly meant just recently. It meant it's your own fate and destiny that you forge on your own, you made the things happened around you to happen to complete your OWN story. Only you, yourself would truly understand what's the feeling it is like to be in YOUR story. And only YOU, who had gone through it would feel no others can feel.

In MY story, I had come across certain experience and leaves me with a deep impression and feeling of the following. 爱情, 绝望, 惨败.

爱情 - This is a feeling no words can completely explain or describe how it's like. Only the person involved know the feeling. But this feeling taught me that when you felt it, whatever illogical things that come into picture seems logical (you dun need any reason to do anything). Silly stuff that happens felt so sweet and nice. Simple things become so complicated. A total change of your life persectives.

绝望 - It's an upper class of the feeling of 失望. This is also an under statement. 绝望 means have ZERO 希望 towards every single thing in your life. Losing hope in living, losing the meaning of waking up the next day, losing yourself.

惨败 - Actually I can't find a better word to describe this feeling but it's a feeling worse than 失败. It's like you loss a match or a competition that you know you will win and not only so, you lost to someone who is fresh to the competition. That's not the worse. It's a competition that you 失去自己 and 输给了自己. Felt totally useless, being such a failure, felt like dying so you can start anew in your next life (if there's a next life), felt that you lost because that 你是你自己 then you lost. Hate yourself more than hating any1 else. It's the worse feeling I felt so far, worse than the feeling of sad.

Relativity

2007-04-09T20:18:00.000+08:00

A interesting topic or word which I know and never put it into words before, here I am, writing and explainning the word! haha!

A simple example, there was 2 dots, dot A and dot B, travelling parrallel with each other towards north. At a certain point of the time, dot A started moving towards north-east while dot B continues moving towards north. Question is who is moving away from who?

I believe most of you that is reading this blog would say, "obviously, A is moving away from B la". I won't say that your answer is wrong, neither will I say that you're totally correct. It's usual for us to think that things that are constant should remain constant and if a certain constant change, then that's the only thing that had change.

But if you were to use dot A as the real constant, as the point of the reference, (put yourself into the shoes of dot A) / (having the eyes of dot A), can you picture dot B moving away from dot A? So is it dot A moving away or dot B moving away?

If you can't imagine the dots, imagine that you are driving and I'm driving too. We drove side by side of each other. Suddenly, there's a divider in between of our car and slowly our distance between each other started to widen. What will comes into your mind? most likely, you will think, "die ar, weiliang is moving further and further away from me." but guess what, I will think "die ar, how come you are moving further and further away from me?" So, who's right? Who's moving away from who?

It's rather very relative to which point/perspective we are refering to/with. Both answers can be correct at the same time both answers could be wrong, cause both points are moving away from each other. I can say it takes 2 hands to clap. 1 moving away, 1 stagnant. In order to be travelling on the same direction, it's either 1 of it instead of moving away remain stagnant with the stagnant 1 or the stagnant 1 starts moving towards the 1 that is moving away.

You're a smart person, I believe you will understand what I'm trying to say. Dun have to call or sms me to clarify, that's what I meant.

It's Been Awhile Since I last Blog =P

2007-04-01T09:30:00.000+08:00

Blogger been alittle crazy. I never seems to be able to log in from home, dunno if it's the computer problem or blogger problem. Oh wells, who cares anyway?

Been playing games as usual, seems to have lost faith in most computer games, playing games have become just a past time for me. But well, I still enjoy playing RPG and learn from the characters.

2 interesting thoughts came into me when I completed "Kingdom Hearts 2".

1. Friends and Dependancy
I was told by many that I seems to be someone that can be relay on or depend on, someone that is trustworthy. I, too, though so myself. But, look on the other side of myself, I've been searching for someone that I can relay on. Someone that I could whin at, someone that not only share my happiness but also my sorrow.

After such a long search, I realise I actually had found it without knowing it's presence, have been taking it for granted. It's in fact some place and not someone. It's home.

After a hard day work, it's always good to feel you're back home. Your bed will always be there to welcome you. Your parents are people that you can relay on no matter what the situation might be. Your silbings are the ones that listen to you. You can be yourself at home, your true self.

Cherish your parents, take care of your home, love your silbings. Many things in life are taken for granted.

When was the last time, that eating ice-cream is such an wonderful and happy thing that it makes your day? Simple things are taken for granted, and they no longer have an value in our heart.

2. Why men feel they have to hide their feelings?
Man's Pride. I had always deny this, but I came to a conclusion that man's pride is something that I have to.

Guys always though that they should handle the situation alone, and should be protective over the females. Carrying every possible responsiblity and problems on their own shoulders. On their own shoulders would also meant keeping the fact that they are having problems and therefore keeping their true feelings from others.

New Year Resolution

2006-12-24T23:37:00.000+08:00

Haha... It's so not me to think of new year resolution, well, it's time for some chances. Come to think of it, I had joined VIP for more than 2 years. WOW, TWO years leh, time really flies. Everyone grown up so much! Qt going clubbing. Qt, Yc, Sy (they usually don't) wearing skirts. Yc found her first bf. Ky, Sharlyn, even Hafizah goes clubbing/pub-ing. Yl & Ky started thier own business. Haha. WOW! 2 years ago, you all were just merely 16 odd. Still alittle too "naive" too "new", and now everyone grown up liao. Amazing! that oso means I'm old liao. lol.

Compare with all of you, my grown this 2 years seems so small, so tiny, so insignificant. Why? I think I stay in my comfort zone a little way too much, with a little sturbborn thoughts. Blaming on things that happened that made me who I am, instead of truly learn from them. In another words, I remorse too much of what happened around me and didn't really moved on. Always been waiting for things to happen but not making them to happen.

In fact, I could actually say my growth stopped 2 years ago. Come to think of it, compare 2 years from now, nothing much about myself have changed. Well, so much for a background updates.

After gathering my thoughts for sometimes, the following are my New Year Resolution.

1) to expand my social circle whenever a chance is given
2) to expose myself to new stuff. "You're young, so do not be afraid to try. Remember, you only live once" -xy
3) to regain what I lost in the past 2 years. (fighting-spirit)
4) be true to my own feeling. (afraid of getting hurt, i somehow or another, sub-consciously restrict myself to feel in a certain way. lack of emotions, lack of expressing myself.)

The above mentioned resolution are rather general, here are some that are more break down.

1) whenever there's an outing, go! don't stay at home.
2) read the newspapers in the office every lunch break. (Yup, in the past, i dun read newspaper, books nor magazine. In my own little world)
3) to regain my fighting spirit, I need to train up physically. I had always blame on my weakness and using the pain I have as an excuse to not exercise. For everything to change, THIS must change first!
4) when something happened, dun think how should I feel about it, just feel it. whatever feeling comes in, accept it and not think about it.

Hmmm.... think I should set an achieveable yet difficult goal for myself to make things alittle interesting... Well, I do have 1 in my mind now... Suefong, if you're reading this, I hope I could join in for next years 21km stardard chartered run. =p it seems a little impossible looking at my current physical fitness. lol. but oh well, I have 1 year b4 the event, I should have more than enough time for the preparation.

Seems like I have quite alot to accomplish. Haha. At least I felt alot since I had always live my life without any expectation. My parents dun really have much expectation for me, I dun like living with expectation from myself or other. Time for a change, but come to think of it again the above mentioned "expectation" isn't some major expectation either. lol.

To Vanessa

2006-12-20T00:43:00.000+08:00

Still can't believe you, or rather your friend, found this blog. And best of all, found out what really happened.

Oh well, like you said, "It's the past."

Hmmmm... update your blog often bah, I still happened to drop by once in awhile...

彻底的被打败

2006-12-12T23:51:00.000+08:00

我自问自己并非个好胜之人,但最近觉得自己被彻底的打败了.

Take for example, I put in certain effort to make certain thing to happen, but I realise someone else could use lesser effort but accomplish it with better result. Really "bu gan xing". Felt really 失败.

e.g. I bought a torchlight, i bought several "light bulb". I used my "equipments" to change the "light bulbs", and overall it cost me over $10. I was quite satisfied with the outcome and show it to my sis. GUESS WHAT! She had bought 1 torchlight with $1 and the brightness of the torchlight is so much brighter than mine!!! ARGGHHHH!!!!

A person that does not have the strong will to win, yet he felt he lost it. He must have really lost very very badly... lol... no chance at all...

Hmmmm.... no wonder ppl say if you hurt the pride of a xiao nu ren, you muz have hurt her very badly. Coz in the first place she doesn't have much pride and she doesn't really mind, yet you are able to hurt her pride, you muz have said or did something really bad to her...

This logic applies to all other condition.

It's Time To Change

2006-12-11T00:12:00.000+08:00

Went for Jacky Bday celebration at Sakae Sushi. Haha. Seems like my gift for him on my bday was abit extra liao... He already forgive me long ago, "it's the past liao la, forget it liao"

Oh, didn't know sakae sushi got private rooms. so cool! so "got face". haha. VIP wor... haha... the service and the environment is so much better.

Then went to coffee bean and chatted with the gang, it's been quite awhile since we last chatted... got quite alot of gossip and interesting topics that we talk about. Really enriching talking to them, coz they showed me alot of different views since we are from different age group... and since i'm the youngest among the group, haha, they gave me more pointers to what things are suppose to be done when things happened. Althou I dun really agree with them (some of it), I think they have the reason by saying that. To a certain extend, I think I should change my thoughts towards certain things. Althou my way of handling it doesn't have any problem, their methods seems fine too.

Well, 1 thought worth mentioning. They told me my circle of friends isnt too big. Well, I guess it's true. I believe they notice it during the BBQ. Althou I'm fine with just a small circle of friends, but friends do comes and go, which is what's happening. so it's never enough to have just a certain groups of friends. When there's a chances to meet new people, opened up and talk and have fun. They even suggest me to go for speed dating, haha, even got someone to accompany me for it if there's a chance. They kept asking me to get a gf, even give me tips to hit on a girl... lol. gosh! guess what? the tips they gave are actually things i actually know yet I never really practise it. =p It's not my personality to practise it I guess, but certain pointers worth taking note of.

hmmmm... xueyu knows quite abit about my last relationship with vanessa and she takes it as a "case study" and tell me something which is true that i never noticed. We didn't officially started it neither did we officially ended it. Since we never really officially ended it, the pain I felt wasn't as great as if it officially ended. Althou we acted like couples b4, but we are not official. Meaning, we does not need to answer for each others action. It's kind of like saying, she can turned around anytime as well as I could do the same. That explain why we quarrelled over an issue when she said she felt inferior whenever she's with me. I never understand what's she's trying to say when she's actually much much much more stronger in terms of abilities and family background. And my understanding of the word inferior was small or 微不足道. But now, after the chit chat, I understood what went on... lol... abit late to understand but it's better to understand than to forever dun get it. And that further tells me that I actually missed out a lot of chances when I actually have the chances. I prefered and often stay in my comfort zone and WAIT for the perfect one to appear. That's kind of wrong to just plain waiting. "Ride on the cow and wait for the horse and pray that the cow will become the horse" ehhhh... dun quite agree with that logic yet I do see a point in what's she's trying to say...

Almost all of them thinks that I still trying to live in my own fantasy world, thinking that fairytales, fantasy and miricle does exist where knights, dragons and princesses were around me. Simply put, they think that I'm still childish without enough exposure. Was a little pissed when they mentioned that but I didn't react. After I calmed down and listen to their explanation, ya, come to think of it. There are many times when I think of fairytales and miricles might come true when I pray hard or work hard. I need to face the fact more and stop finding excuses for myself to ignore the problems. It's true that certain things can be ignored and life goes on as per normal, but your growth in term of knowledge / wisdom / experience does not.

Well, bottomline here. I need to change my lifestyle, more or less. Pointers taken. Thanks guys.

It's Been Awhile Since I have...

2006-11-22T21:17:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since I have recalled about her. Ya, think you should have guessed it when I mentioned the word her.

It was just plain going to the ATM to draw money to pay my mom. But upon getting out of the house, have the urge to go for a spin on the bike. Didn't know where actually should I go, so I went the usual route I take to ECP. Well, as I cycled passed the main road near her old house, I turned in to the road that lead to her old house. Passed the gate while was already teared down, memories flashed thru. Hand signal towards a empty window, throwing a sparker into the sky. Felt so close suddenly, yet knowing it's so far.

Cycling along the path I used to walk her towards ECP, crossing the bridge we used to take, pass by the stone seat we used to sat down, went thru the path we once walked together hand in hand, stopped at the jetty where we enjoyed starglazing together. After awhile, I cycled my way home. It passed her old house again, passed the bus stop we spent many nights together. So much for 1 night.

It's a little overwhelming and a little addicting. Although, I know I can't meet her cause I know she's home since she was online on MSN. Furthermore, cycling pass the same old path won't help since she moved to somewhere else I dunno. Well, I decided to cycle the path I used to walk her home everyday after school. *flash flash flash* lots of memories, so much words can't help explain anything.

Sat down outside the 7-11 I used to sat down while waiting for her. One phrase came into my mind, "When you're in love, anything/everything is worth waiting." Sat there waiting for nothing, lol, but enjoy that silly feeling of waiting alot. I asked myself, what if? what if she so happened to appear? maybe she used her laptop somewhere with wireless network? haha. Honestly, I'm a little confused. I really really wished to see her, yet I'm really scared to see her. what if? she appeared with another guy? what should I do? run away? ya, that's the first thing that come into my mind, haha. but think again, why run away? I dun need to run ar, my appearance might not affect or change anything in her life. then again, I know her well enough to say my appearance will definately confuse her. haha. In the end, I laughed and say to myself "she won't appear in the first place, why so many what if?" lol.

Sat there long enough to "feed my urge" for that feeling, left without any string left behind. Previously my cycling speed is slow and comfortable, I changed my tempo to as fast as thou i'm rushing for time.

I really thanked her for teaching me what is it like to be in love. It was like a fairytale, it was like a dream but it is just a past. lol

-

2006-10-17T21:47:00.000+08:00

If only distance is just a phone call away...

A Liang Jing Ru Song

2006-10-06T18:34:00.000+08:00

Liang Jing Ru is so good with Love Songs. This song might bring back some nice memories for some of you.

梁静茹-亲亲
那一年顶楼加盖的阁楼
什么人忘了锁
是谁找不到未满十八岁的我
你是一滴滴隐形的眼泪
风一吹就乾了
只能这样了是吗
同时甜蜜与心碎
是你的幽默还是温柔
是瞬间烟火还是不甘寂寞
第一次你抱紧我
轻轻的亲亲
紧紧闭著眼睛
是你不是你说不定
还不一定
梦一样轻的亲亲
不敢用力呼吸
不敢太贪心太相信我的幸运
百分之百是你

思念被时光悄悄的摇落
酸酸的咬了一口
青春的苹果香香的催眠了我
是你脸粉红了我的耳后
烫伤了我额头
现在想起来会痛
同时甜蜜与心碎
是你的幽默还是温柔
是瞬间烟火还是不甘寂寞
第一次你抱紧我
轻轻的亲亲
紧紧闭著眼睛
是你不是你说不定
还不一定
梦一样轻的亲亲
不敢用力呼吸
不敢太贪心太相信我的幸运
百分之百是你
哦...
轻轻的亲亲
紧紧闭著眼睛
是你不是你说不定
还不一定
梦一样轻的亲亲
不敢用力呼吸
不敢太贪心太相信我的幸运
百分之百是你

What's your first impression of the song when you listen the full song?

My friend told me it's regarding "First Date"

What's my first impression is.... DUN PEEK! Think of what's your first impression of the song is...

Here's mine: The first time when you get hankie-pankie! lol.

Due to the demand for an update

2006-09-23T04:54:00.000+08:00

Well, let's talk about what's on my mind recently.

But b4 that, I'll like to announced that I admit age is starting to catch up with me =p and coffee plus tea is super duper drug that makes me concentrate!

I went cycling just now. Went to ECP, then to geylang down to esplanade, thru lao pah sah, across great eastern, stop by to get a "yuan yang", stop by the colorful aero-dynamic planes, cycle ard for awhile then head home. When I reached home, pain overall! My butt hurts for cycling so "long", my back hurts for benting for so "long", my legs hurt and almost cramp, a little headache and the "yuan yang" makes me feel like vomiting!

gosh! I never knew "yuan yang" got such a HUGH effect on me! I really can't slp althou I'm tired cause my heart beats so fast and I can't stop sweating till ard now cause I took another bath. My body is tired, yet my concentration is really good. When I have the chance to study for exam again, I'll take another cup of "yuan yang" sia! Sure can concentrate ar! but at the price of discomfort la... lol

Alright, enough update of what happened just now. Let's talk about what's on my mind recently. As usual, I think alot about the "bo liao" stuff. A quote came into me out of nowhere.

爱一个人不一定是一生一世
但骗一个人一定要一生一世

Ok. Maybe not out of nowhere, it's just how I felt about things that happened to me and how I manage the situations. Take for example, Vanessa. I decided to lie to her once, and forever she won't know that I lied, definately not this lifetime. I'm confidence enough to say, other than sweet talking and white lies, I don't tell lies very often. That's maybe why when I decided to lie, it's very easy for me to remember what have I lied. Or maybe not lied, but a secret kept away from the person involved or people involved. Also, the storys/experience I heard so far, makes me believed that some things I meant to be kept a secret or a lie that you should keep from your dearest families and friends forever, cause once they find out, there might be a major change in the relationship/friendship/partnership/whatevership la (major impact la).

Let me share a story from a friend of mine. For privacy issue, I won't mention the name of the person. Let's name it X. X have a spouse for nearly 10 years. Ard age of 18/19, X shown a little interest for another person. 1 day, X drank a little too much and accident happened(One Night Stand). Ever since, X felt guilty for X's spouse since X's spouse treated X very well. X can't make itself face it's spouse neither could X leave it spouse. X struggles very badly mentally. A few years back, X had married it spouse and X decided to keep that a secret forever. but keeping it a secret is tough, coz the better X spouse treated X, the more guilt X will feel. But X have to suffer alone, coz that's the only way and X have to keep it a secret for the rest of X life.

Anyway, X isn't any of you that know. X is my outside working friend.

That's all for today. Coz previous few day what have I thought I just can't remember anymore. haha. At least, this is what's on my mind for today.

---------------------------------------------

Oh Oh! Just 1 more thoughts that I recalled.

Certain things if it's going to happen, it's better if it happen now.
But if it's not going to happen now, then it's better for it to not even happen.

A casual and Jokie matter to put it across. The 4D number I bought for the particular day, if it's going to come out, come out on that particular day. If not, better dun come out after the particular day or even worst, it comes out when I gave up buying that set of numbers after buying for a few weeks or so. lol

有买有开是最好
没买没开没关系
有买没开不买才开真划不来

It doesn't just apply to ToTo and 4D. It does apply in alot of things in life too. =P

Another random thought

2006-08-31T22:27:00.000+08:00

Recently, I was wondering? Doesn't have the zi wo jing bu attitude, doesn't have a shang jing xing, is it wrong?

After much thinking, after thinking of the advantage and disadvantage it might bring to me, althou seems like the advantage is much more than the disadvantage, but if wanted me what I want in life, I think the advantage does not really help me with what I want in life. Instead, I see it more of a disadvantage in life.

Maybe I had not grown up enough to have the zi wo jing bu and shang jing xing attitude yet, but I'm sure that my current attitude is definately not diao er lang dang attitude.

or maybe I had overgrown to an extend that I think ming and li are nothing that we can bring down into our grave. Something like, when a person comes back a life from the blink of death, knows better what he really wants in life. Abit kua zhang, but I believe so.

Give me a chance to whine abit

2006-08-31T21:08:00.000+08:00

Recently basketball seems to caught my mind for some reason. I'm glad it did but at the same time so what if it did. Rather the same feeling if it didn't. But well, at least it helps me abit, I guess.

Bu Gan Xing ar Bu Gan Xing. I kept recall the basketball I used to play, the things I used to be able to do, the eyes of my opponent(shocked/amazed), the face of my opponent. I'm so full of confidence of myself, sometimes I just got abit too arrogant, just abit =)

Althou sometimes I still do play bball, which is really once in awhile. Althou sometimes I still able to do things that might give a shock to others

- "Wah, how did you manage to do that?"

But it's all different. It's like once in a blue moon, when out of self-consciousness, I executed a move that I usually don't, a move that I never planned to do, it's a "zi ran fang ying". But it's really once in a long while.

Does any of you understand the feeling of you know you need to for e.g. do a quick side step and accelerate with the momentum but your side step isn't strong enough to give you enough acceleration or even if your side step is strong enough for the acceleration but the following footsteps just can't manage to keep up with the sudden increase of speed. Do you understand how fustrated it is?

Many times I lost my stamina so fast, I'm forced to slow down even more or even stop in between the games. No longer have the attitude of, I'm 1 of the best, I make a difference in the team, it might means a difference from a victory and a defeat, I can't stop even if I'm tired, and I can play on for hours. Even I meet a team that is really strong, but wo bu hui fang zhai yan li, instead I treat it even more seriously and play even better than I usually do. But now, I know where I stand, I dare not even to play with them, at the same time, I know I'll not fear them if I'm who I'm 2 or 3 years back.

The whole incidence of me giving up basketball starts when I played in Tampines. It was said that alot of good players were around. Since I had friends over there, althou they are good but I dun mind playing with them. Looking at them, I admit that some of them are good but not that good that I'll fear them.

Along the game, because we are playing formation and on defence we are playing "ren ding ren" (a formation that 1 person will mark 1 person thru out the whole defence, it's a stragtegy thats competition of stamina and endurance and of course skill). 2 incidence that happened that really hurts.

1. Due to the lack of stamina and the weak offence (my offence isn't as good as b4, but I still try to make offence attacks but seldom got the ball thru the net), so during offence, they dun really pass me the ball even if I'm wide opened. passing me the ball during offence oso means draining my stamina more.

2. During offence, there's this particular time when I got the ball. I'm half marked by someone, but the defencer was called away to mark another person. The reason he gave was, "Dun mark him, he can't shoot." What makes thing worst was I really think I can't do it, and I passed the ball away. How can I agree and take such an insult so lightly? Wo Shi Ru He Yan De Xia Zhe Yi Kou Qi? at the same time, what he said was totally true. Even if I got angry and try to attempt to make an offence, I'll most likely miss, which proof him right even more.

ANYWAY, I'm okie now definately! haha... Just that I'm rather free right now, nothing better to do, and I didn't blog for quite awhile. So I blog something that happened more seriously awhile back, and thought of it recently. hahaha... About time to slp, gtg then... haha

Dun force yourself

2006-08-17T00:01:00.000+08:00

I learnt a new lesson recently. That is dun force yourself. What I meant by that?

After prolong forcing yourself doing something you dun wanna do, be it do you have a choice or not. After prolong forcing yourself doing something you dun wan to, 1 day, you will not know what is something you wanna do from what is something you're force to do.

A example, you been forcing yourself to like something, for my case, maybe vegetable. Althou I hate vegetable but I force myself like vegetable while I eat vegetable, after a long long time, I can't really diff btw I dun like the vegetable or I like the vegetable but I just eat the vegetable.

So dun committee the same mistake next time, b4 you're confuse and lost. By then, it's too late to find out what's truth and what's not.

A little update of my life

2006-08-16T23:00:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was my dad's english calender birthday. He "Xing Xue Lai Chao", asked us to celebrate for him. He suggested going out for dinner but mum had cooked (too bad). So as the eldest brother, me :p, I stood up from my seat (I'm gaming) and suggested going for a movie. Everyone seems fine with my suggestion and we started changing. I started looking for whatever show available online while dad search the newspaper (Mum and sis took a longer time to change you see).

In the end, we went to TheCathay to watch Dragon Tiger Gate 10pm movie. After booking the tickets, abit too earlier, so we go walk walk. Along the walk walk, guess what? We met Liling. I saw her first, then she look over, so I say hi lor. Feel abit weird when we talk, dun ask me why. Haha. talk abit only, I quickly say bye liao. Haha. My mum knows her, so mum oso got talk to her la. Anyway, after saying bye to her, my mum still got the cheek when liling walk away and ask us, "she looks so familiar, who is she ar?" -_-" was our reaction. haha. my mum dunno who she is, yet she talk to her as thou she know who she is like that. haha. That's my mum I guess.

Tuesday seems to be a rather sleepy day. Slpt in office during break. Slpt in the bus. Slpt at home from 6.45pm all the way to next morning. =P

As of today, Sian day all the day. I finished most of my "ranking" task. I'm only waiting for the real thing to start or something to screwed up and I go fix it. Since "ranking" is starting soon, somehow I got the "protection aura from sai kang", it's been 2 weeks or so that I'm not really asked to do any major sai kang. It's lucky to have no sai kang but at the same time unlucky, coz it's not easy to make yourself looks busy when you are really not for the whole day.

In any case, back to my FF8, I'm in disc 4, last disc liao. heeZ.

A Conversation Between The FF8 Characters

2006-08-07T21:09:00.000+08:00

6 characters talking. Mainly Rinoa, Squall and Irvine. Rinoa is the female main character while Squall is the male main character. In the end of the game, 2 main characters got together, but that's beside the point. It's the conversation that makes the point. I guess I learnt a lot of different life lessons thru RPG(Role Play Games). I'll explain some of the terms here, so you won't get lost along the way of the conversation.

SeeD - The name of the Special Elite Force, something like charlies angel.

Garden - The school that trains SeeDs.

Matron - Their elder friend that had turned into a evil soceress.

GF - GF stands for Guardian Force. It's a summoning spell that the SeeD uses. Somehow, by using GF it "deletes" some of their memories.

() - Squall likes to talk to himself very often. So whenever Squall talks with (), that means he's not voicing out his feeling but mumbling to himself.

Here goes...

Rinoa: Do we...have to fight? Isn't there another way? Y'know, to avoid any bloodshed?

Zell: Yo!? What the..!? What are you sayin' all of a sudden!?

Rinoa: Maybe someone really smart can come up with a way, so we wouldn't have to fight anymore...

Squall: (What are you getting at...? If someone can come up with something, that'd be great... But no one's doing anything... They're all scared, uneasy. All they do is complain. They just pretend to be thinking. They criticize others, but in the end, they can't do anything, either. Rinoa, why all this, all of a sudden? What do you expect from me? I grew up in Garden. I'm a SeeD. Do you understand?)

Rinoa: Squall? You have to voice your feelings, or else I won't understand.

Squall: You were...part of a resistance movement in Timber, right? Unlike others who were all talk, you took to your weapons and fought... And now you're saying all this? What happened to you?

Rinoa: I guess... I'm getting scared. Sometimes... When I'm with all of you... I..feel like we're on the same wavelength... you know? But when the battles start happening, it's different. Everyone's tempo seems to pick up and... ...I get left behind. I try to catch up, but it's no use... How far is everyone going? I can't hear anyone... Once I catch up, I wonder... Is everyone safe? Will they welcome me with open arms? ... ... Is everyone ok? Will we all make it back together? When I start thinking like that...

Irvine: Rinoa, I understand. Someone might not be there. Someone you love may disappear before your very eyes. It's tough when you live your life thinking that way. But that's why I fight... When I was a little kid... I was about 4 or so... I was in an orphanage.

(Memories)

Irvine: So like...this is what I wanted to say. Let's see... Oh yeah. I understand what Rinoa's saying. I understand, but I'm still gonna fight. I want to stay true to everything I've stood for. I'm sure it's the same for everyone. That's why I thought it'd be best if everyone knew we would have to face Matron. You've all heard this before. How life has infinite possibilities. I don't believe that one bit. There weren't many paths for me to choose. Sometimes, there would only be one. From the limited possibilities I faced, the choices I made have brought me this far. That's why I value the path I chose... I want to hold true to the path that HAD to be taken. I know our opponent is Matron, whom we all love very much. We might lose something very important on account of the GF. But I don't mind. It's not like I drifted here on the tides of fate. I'm here because I chose to be here. And more importantly... We all grew up together. But due to various circumstances, we were all separated. As a kid, you couldn't really go out on your own... There were no other paths to take... All I did was just cry. But... somehow, we're together again. Just like old times, though a lot's changed. We're not kids anymore... We're strong enough to take care of ourselves. Make our own decisions... We're confronting a big one right now. Do we fight Matron or not......? I say we fight... Shoot for a common goal... Hey, at least it'll keep us together a little longer.

Zell: ...Yeah. Let's do it. We can't run from her for the rest of our lives.

Selphie It's just such a bummer... I can't believe we have to fight Matron.

Quistis I know... But Zell's right. We can't run from her forever.

Squall: Rinoa... It's up to you. We're gonna fight... I think it's the only way we can move on with our lives. If that makes any sense at all, come with us. I'm sure that's what everybody wants.

(Snow coming down from the sky)

Quistis Look! Look! A gift from the faeries.

*Pause*

Zell: Wait. Let's go check out the orphanage.

Irvine: Yeah. We might find a clue.

Quistis Clue? You mean as to why Matron turned out like this?

Squall (It probaby has to do with something that happened in the past. But the past is the past... it's over, done with.)

Squall: Despite what truth we find, it's not going to change the present. But... I wanna see, too. I don't know what we'll find, but... Let's head for Edea's house.

*scene changed*

Rinoa: I guess that's it... We're fighting. ...You guys are fearless.

Squall (Fearless? I don't think that's quite right. If you think too hard, you becomes lost... I think that's what everyone's afraid of...)

Squall: I wish we didn't have to fight, either.

Am I that untrusting?

2006-08-03T21:22:00.000+08:00

Maybe I'm this way because I'm scared. Nothing lasts in this world. It feels great to have friends who believe in you, and adults you can rely on. That's why it's so dangerous. especially if you become used to it. Somday you're bound to lose everything. Everybody around you will be gone. Then what are you left with?

Nothing. Nobody... It's so miserable. And it's inevitable. It's so hard to recover from something like that. I never ever want to deal with that again. I can't. Even if it means being alone... For the rest of the life.

=P It's a conversation I taken down from FF8. I couple more from FF9 here.

Practice smiling when I'm feeling sad - Yuna

Hurry up and wait - prepare yourself quickly for anything that might happen next - Auron (It's the same concept with army term, You rush to wait, wait to rush)

Memories are nice, but that's all they are - Rikku

I changed this abit cause I can't remember
There's no right or wrong, just seeing 1 thing from 2 different point of view. There's no good or evil, just 2 party holding a different stand.
The real thing sounds better

I'm not the best, but I did my best - Myself!

Sad to say, a part of growing up is when birthday becomes another day of the year - Myself!

Many times, human will have different excuses for themselves, just to make themselves feel better after making a mistake, just to make them feel they are right even deep down they know they were in the wrong - Myself!

Some thing worth thinking about

2006-08-02T00:05:00.000+08:00

Open minded means the ability to accept new ideas. Principal means a set of guideline that you follow. If the new idea conflict with your guideline, what should you do?

Accept and acknowledge this new set of ideas, not necessary means impliment the use of the ideas.

Principal gives you a guide of what should be done, yet it is not necessary always the way things are done. Remember, you are the one that set the guideline. It's not necessary always the right guideline that you should follow, when it's time to change, change! That's being open minded.

How did your basic principal and guideline change from time to time? More than 1 factor that will cause such changes. Environment, your age and your needs, social circle, your morale, etc. Basically, what is the most important factor in your life in that particular time. The most important factor in your life change from time to time so is your basic principal and guidelines.

No doubt there are certain key factors or values that might not change throughout 1s entire life, but under certain circumstances, these key factors and values might need to take the second role. The judge to their ranking is no others but you, yourself. Being open minded would only means a more flexibility thinking to change the ranking of your principals and values for the time being. It needs not means changing your entire view point of your values.

This post I made might sound rather contridicting but that's how a person with a open minded thinking should be thinking. Accept and understand both side of the ideas, but only implement the use of the idea that you think is most suitable for yourself. The key words I had been using are "accept" and "you/yourself". Accept ideas is being open minded and following what value, guideline, principal to chose which decision is all up to you

Life is full of decisions and choices, there's always bound to have mistake. It's never too late to learn from your mistake and change accordingly. Just like 1 verse of a song, 不怕做错只怕没做过.

I think it's about time for me to make some major changes in my life and lifestyle, but what will the changes that will take place, or have already taken place? For the better, or for the worst?

Before 1 could accept new ideas, he/she should learn to accept him/herself first.

Emotions

2006-07-24T18:30:00.000+08:00

Control / Not to control.

Human has emotions and feeling. But why on earth that there's a need to control your emotion with logic? for the better of everyone? I guess it's subjected to the situation.

I realise that human lost the ability to control ones emotion when they are tired or physically "abused"(injury). But in the context of a general picture, that particular one that had lost the ability to control his/her emotion is just deprived for attention. Many would just say it's attention getter or something similar, but not many would understand that that is what they really felt and feel deep within themselves, that they hope to hide from others yet wants to show to others.

It feels so hard to control your emotion when you are tired, coz it's so saddening to control your emotion knowing that you want to let it go but you just can't.

The Power of Believing / Motivation / Trance / Reason

2006-07-24T18:16:00.000+08:00

With a reason that you believe in, give you the motivation to make miracles.

Lifes been rather busy recently, so busy to the extent I have to ignore the amount of sleep I'm having and kept working. The quote I write on top should have express what I wanted to say.

I have my own reason to do what I had been doing. I believe in what I'm doing is for what I want, which is the reason. That gives me the motivations to go on and on without feeling tired. Making miracle happens sound too fantasy, just say I entered the states of trance. What I think trance means, is entering a physical and mental states that make your mind and body works better even though at normal times they dun.

I think the key word I wanna say is still Reason and Motivation bah.

Everything seems so screwed up la

2006-07-18T00:46:00.000+08:00

Begin with, met her at somerset MRT. I dressed very casual (t-shirt and shorts), she dressed up with skirt, blouse? dunno is it, heels and acceserities... haha... so weird of a combination lor... weird combination in the sense, 1 seems really formal while the other seems like going to the beach or something...

When we talk, it felt as if there's no topic but finding topic. We laugh at things that are not suppose to be funny, just to make the atmosphere more relax.

Since it's so weird of the atmosphere, i suggested going for a movie. wanted to start watching the movie asap so that later can talk more. but my big mouth asked her if we catch movie asap, will you be hungry during the movie? then we booked the tickets at 9pm, when the time now is 6pm... she pay for the ticket and in return she asked me to treat the dinner. DAMN! 3 hours of dunno do what?!?!? what have i put myself into?

fine! we find some place to eat. somehow she mentioned about how's my pay like now, then i explain to her that my pay is just sufficient to use if i use them carefully. so she say then we eat something cheap la... yaya... MY BIG MOUTH again!!! I mentioned that i happened to have a seol garden $10 vouncher, maybe it will be cheap eating there. WELL!!! the bill was nearly $40 after the $10 vouncher. GOSH! we wanted to eat cheap but ended up... ARGGHHH~

after we left seol garden, there's about 1 hr b4 the movie la... that 1 hr is the most xing ku 1 lor... dunno where to go, walk here walk there aimlessly... so weird la...

then movie, damn la~ the movie, superman return, lasted for 2 hours and 30 minutes la... wah piang eh... when the show ended, it's 11.35pm la... can see that she needs to rush home la... althou she keep saying it's ok, it's still not too late... I can see that she's in a rush oredi lor... lol... She took cab home, ARGGHHH!!! I suppose to send her home since it's late but i can't afford to take cab. I'm broke la. i just fetch a cab, and send her off from there...

The time spent with her today, seems rather relax la... coz we're not rushing for anything, just aimlessly walking around and talking rubbish... unlike past few days while include this morning, I'm rushing after the time, trying to accomplish as many things as possible la... but the weird things that keep happening hor... just... ARGGHHHH~~

weird things like, walk into a shop, she looks at her stuff, i look at my own... our topic can never continue, somehow or another, we'll end it fast... the only 2 topics that could have lasted was gossipping about a sec sch friend and the project dream on. too much "leng chang" liao la...

AIYO!!! why must I agreed for a dinner in the first place?!?!? Why can't I just pass her the CD, she pass me the money, then we sayonara liao?!?!? Why can't we just eat, and bye bye?!?!? why must my big mouth suggested for a movie and booked a late ticket!!!

Indeed a dumbocha!

WAIT! adding on!!! after she left, I need to go to the toilet. Found the toilet, as I left the toilet area walking towards the main street where i came to a T-junction. I happened to see 2 female, nono, 2 male, nono, 2 shemale (OMG). They "miao" at me lor, *miao means look at me with that kind of interesting! look, like scanning and grade who well you do la* *shiver!!!* I ignored and just trys to walk away la, but 1 of them stopped me and ask me, "Excuse me, do you happen to know where is orchard tower?" in a femine yet deep tone! ARRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! I just answered, "sorry, I'm not too familiar with orchard area, soory." PIEWWWW~ *walk off as fast as I could* hahaha~ kao~

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

2006-07-17T16:50:00.000+08:00

I almost fall aslp while trying to play warcraft 3! omg! something's seriously wrong with me!!!

A Change of Taste?

2006-07-17T16:27:00.000+08:00

YEAH! I passed my Basic Theory Paper today and took my PDL! yup, I took a day leave to go for the paper. Actually, i took half day, but noon time I felt restless la, so I call office to ask for a day leave instead of half day :p

guess what? I saw a so so looking girl today at comfort driving center, but somehow I'm attracted to her *blush* OMG! seriously! She's just very very so so looking only. She doesn't have the figure, doesn't have the look, doesn't look cute. I dunno why I would have peep at her for numerous amount of time. Haha. I keep wondering what's so special about her that I just kept my eyes on her (eyes on me?). There's much pretty girls around in the room, but I'm attracted to her! *BASH*

Anyway, I dun have the guts to approach her la. Hope to but didn't :p. Any case, I went to settle stuff with Mum today since she's on leave too. Talk alot to her today, regarding how I want my life to go from now onwards. We talk alot about earning money, maybe she's rather low enducated, she thinks that money will bring "xing fu". We "debated", actually I'm the one talking most of the time.

Glad that I took a full day leave, talk to mum alot, went to pay a visit to bubble tea uncle, and later meeting Hwee Eng (sec sch that girl I mention that I was interested) to have dinner and past her the dream on CD.

Siao liao la... think later dinner sure expensive 1... She mentioned going orchard road some restaraut's name. Oh gosh~ I can't expect a girl to pay right? haha... bo hua... ask her to buy 1 CD 15 bucks and i pay for the meal for nearly 40 bucks for both of us... haha... that tells me two thing, 1st, why am I a guy and not a girl? haha... 2nd, I shouldn't start a business, sure no profit only loss 1... lol

oh ya... today i'm slacking again... haha... OA Hike on sunday! lesson on friday! and today is monday yet i'm still slacking... mwahahahha... too stress liao la... recently, i had been very busy... so busy that I never open my PS2, computer to even play a single game for a single second! it's work work work and more work. :p (whinning oredi) sob sob~

Haha~ i was wondering what to type since I still got some time b4 i meet her at orchard... DING! I know! I can play game now!!! YESH~!!~!~! DOTA~!~!~! MAPLE~!~! HERE I COME!!!!!!!!

Capable Rebellious Lone Worker

2006-07-09T16:15:00.000+08:00

Through Project Dream On, I finally realize my working style and my form of leadership style.

As the title mentioned, I’m a rebellious worker. Why so? Firstly, I do things the way I want to unless I respect you or what you told me is what I think should be done. Secondly, I work because I want to not because I have to.

I don’t take instructions from people that:-
- Isn’t capable
- I don’t respect
- Younger than me (I denied it in the first place, but it’s rather true)

And there’s a chance that I’ll rebel by:-
- Ignore instructions
- Go against every single instructions
- Try to change the instructions
- Took over the duties (worst)

Why would I be so thick skin to say I’m capable? Simple! Given enough information and instructions, I’ll be able to deliver the task without my immediate supervisor worrying able my task being half standard.

Why worker and not leader since I said I’m capable? I’m capable to work, unable to lead. People that works under me, doesn’t really means they respect my working capabilities or leadership skills, but friendships. I get things done through connections and friendships. Maybe it’s also partly because I never work in a corporal company, that’s why I see more of friendships than leadership.

1 problem with my leadership style, I won’t trust my subordinate unless they are somewhat capable or even capable than I am. But if they are capable than I am, they won’t be my subordinates in the first place. That explains why I’m a lone worker since I won’t trust my partner unless he/she is capable than myself. And with the above-mentioned factors, it’s rather hard to work with me since I’m rebellious that makes me a even more likely lone worker.

That’s about all I want to say about my working style. Project Dream On somehow gives me a lot of thoughts and experiences since the first day of the street sales. Both negatives and positives thoughts

Meaningful Poem?

2006-06-20T21:21:00.000+08:00

香烟爱上火柴就注定被伤害.
不要轻易说爱,
许下的承诺就是欠下的债.
老鼠对猫说我爱你,
猫说你走开,
老鼠流泪走开,
谁也没看见老鼠走后猫也流了一滴泪.
其实有一种爱情叫做放弃...
风筝一辈子只会为一根线冒险.
女人善变的是脸,
男人善变的是心.
在爱情的世界里,
没有谁对不起谁,
只有谁不懂珍惜谁.
遇到了真爱就不要轻易说离开.
要记得紧抓爱情,
而不是抓伤彼此的感情.
不要忘了真爱难寻.
转给五个人,你将会找到你的真爱,很灵.

This is the sms I receive a couple of days ago. Seems meaningful in some sense, but it occupy 3 sms spaces/memories. So i blog it down and delete it away! ;)

I'm starting to believe and understand the meaning...

2006-06-05T20:28:00.000+08:00

"you learn to love,not by finding a perfect person,but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly" -vanessa hee

Hwee Eng In My Dream

2006-06-01T08:28:00.000+08:00

As the title had mention, this particular girl appear in my dream last night. I wonder why it's her? haha. She's the girl I was to like during my sec 4. She's oso the girl that invited me to her bday party after 5 years of lost contact.

I dreamt that the entire sec 4 return to the school. Assemble in the hall, and the school alumni present us with a skit with lots of "NG"s. Somehow, this girl kept talking to me. very initative but I'm very resistance to it. She ask me to come sch tomolo again coz she's coming to sch again for the skit practise again. She said coz most ppl are in a couple and she's still single that's why want me to accompany her. I refuse and qns over and over again but she insist. Then I say by the end of the day I tell her, but she say 1 hour later again she will ask me again.

Then I quickly "escape". haha.

Maybe I just mention my past (sec 4) and sub-consciously they appear in my dream. I didn't know sub-consciously I'll reject her. Maybe that was the past, and I knew it.

38 mins and 17 secs

2006-05-29T22:21:00.000+08:00

BRAVO!!! Mr Lim Wei Leong here did another amazing, crazy thing in his life again!

I bet any of you read this will definately "WOW! IS THIS MAN CRAZY OR INSANE?!?"

Haha! Not to keep you in the dark anymore! Mr Lim here had NOT just walked from between TP and safra the cross junction back to home (somewhere maha bodhi main gate), BUT!!! BUT!!! BUT he RUN the whole journing... That's about 5.2km distance!!! mwahahaha... maybe 5.2km isn't too much... but will you just go run from tampines to ubi when you felt moody? hahaha!! well, I DID!

OH CRAP!!!!

2006-05-22T21:30:00.000+08:00

I posted a long crappy post!!! and the STUPID BLOGGER comes out with an error and the post is deleted!!! DAMN!!! I wrote quite abit of my "unknown" history leh!!!! kao~ if only it's posted, I bet your guys will wonder was I really that weak in the past... and weird in the past... well... since it's deleted by "fate", then too bad la... "fate" doesn't want this post to be posted... saddening... lol

A Story I Said I Wanted To Post

2006-05-18T19:49:00.000+08:00

This is a story I came out on my own. I claim that the ending isn't complete, cause I think it's a lousy ending and I hope any of you, that can complete the ending for me.

**************************************************************************
Having his heart broken into thousand and million of pieces, he subjects himself into alcohol to ease his heart aches. Not wanting to spend the night out alone, he call along his friend, Mei Wen.

He had been drinking at their usual hangout place, the neighbourhood playground. Cans after cans, bottles after bottles of alcoholic drinks he drank. Finally, he had gotten himself into the state of "high". Nevertheless, it doesn't make him feel at ease. Instead, he felt the heartaching caming double painful.

"WHY?!? Why did she left me for my best friend? WHY?!? Of all people, why my best friend?" He shouted in anger.

"Mei Wen, tell me! Tell me why she left me? In which area am I inferior against him?"

"Stop drinking already, you are drunk already", she replied.

"NO! I'm not drunk! I know what am I doing. Tell me! Tell me why she left me for him?" He demanded.

"Ehhh-h-h" She hestitated, "there's nothing I can think of that he is of any better than you, the only reason I have was her heart was no longer with you."

"YOU ARE LYING! She still loves me! I know it! She must be! But... but... but I must be so much lousy compare with him, that's why she abanden me."

"No! You're not! You are the finest man I know and you have the most beautiful eyes that I always wanted. Most important of all, I felt so easy with you around. You are the best in my eyes.

He burst out in a loud laughter followed by a sneering look, "Don't lie to me. Women are all the same! They lifted you high up in the sky by praising you non-stop bringing you to 7 heaven and drops you hard on the ground by leaving the guys all alone."

"No! I'm not! I'm serious, it feels good whenever you're around. You're really the man."

"Ha-Ha. You are telling me you're serious. You're serious and not lying?" He questioned.

"Definitely!" She proclaimed confidently.

"Then tell me... WHY! didn't you fall in love with me?"

".........."

Speechless and shocked. She trys to look away in order to avoid the sudden embarrass atmosphere.

"Ha... Haha... Haahaahaaa..." Off he goes, walking down the quiet pathment,alone. Mei Wen stood there as she watch the back of Johnny disappearing from her sight, away from her.
**************************************************************************

Guys, let me guess. You guys should be wondering if this story is based on any true story I know. Trust me, I make up the story all by myself 1 fine day. Just that when I pen it down, I added some starting and some ending and some spices into it... If wanna know, how come I thou of this story, can ask me... I have an exlanation that is too long to be typed out, or rather lazy to type liao... lol

A post I did post in the pass

2006-05-13T03:15:00.000+08:00

Just recall this... since i just posted a big post... why not just post this too... lol

remember there's a dream that yc said about... "I dreamt that I injuried/lost my fingers, then I felt very sad. cause fingers are the essential for musical instru to be played"

that sentence she said actually cause my heart to bleed instantly... haha... without her noticing... =p coz... it's her dream... but it happened to me real-life, real-time...

but I'm glad I finally found a person that can understand what's that feeling about...

Once In A Full Moon Post

2006-05-13T02:32:00.000+08:00

Happy Vesak Day! Haha... Supposingly today is Miao Zhen's bday and I'm suppose to date her today as I had promised her if her bday no1 date her, i'll date her... but called her last night and knew that she had a date oredi... she actually wanted to spare me some time so i can date her... but I said, "bu le, tai ma fang ni le, spare me time, dun want la" haha... i think she gets what i mean, i dun wan to meet her if someone is meeting and celebrating for her oredi... haha... *evil*

Well... PH... seems like the usual sundays I have... BORING!!! shouldn't have rejected her offer for a date... then very sian... so I went cycling... 8++ like that went out... wanted to go esplanade to sit down... but too crowded... wanted somewhere quiet so i can sit down and think... so i cycled on... sad to say, I'm in the city, there's no much place that is more rural and quiet... so I decided to cycle all the way back to ECP...

guess what... along the way, I actually calmed myself down (coz earlier on, felt bored and it turned into felt troubled and xing bu ning jing) but well, wanted to go home 1, but dunno why, maybe fate bah... I followed the traffic light and turn accordingly (if it's red light, I'll turn to the flow of the traffic which is turn left... if it's red light but green right turn, i'll turn right) and it brings me to ECP! lol

well, went to the usual spot to chill out... think of quite a couple of stuff... some are not worth mentioning here... got 1 that's worth talking... The feeling for her was gone for good, that's for sure... what's left behind is the feeling of guilt... seriously, I really "dui bu qi" her... to the core... that's what i believe... but another thing, that come along with it... I gotten my retribution oredi... due to this, I had lots my sec friend, or rather what's leftover of my sec friend that I have... losing them, not just from close friend to friend... but close friend to strangers... I think that's my retribution... and that's paid... (hopefully, my sub-conscious mind will buy that... lol)

surprisingly, I received a sms from jackson (a long "lost" sec friend that lives near my house) he jio me to go makan somewhere our house... well... since i'm pretty free, so met up with him... still, he's as "cool" as b4... but after awhile, he gets very talkative... keep talking and talking... and make me a good listener... lol... in the past, he dun talk much 1... "cool" or "dao" if you wanna say... anyway, I rmb he said this once b4 "I feel easy talking to you, I dunno why, but you seems to know how I feel" that was ard 1 year ago... it happened when he's troubled with the problem of a girl (currently his gf)... I'm like a "advicer" to him at that point of time... b4 that, I really dun talk to him much...

talk to him from 10.45 all the way to 2am... or rather he talk from the head to the tail... i listen most of the time... but oso got la... he's like a news reporter... I get to know how's my old clicks doing... Berwyn had this ger name "Mei Mei" as his gf (mei mei is a basketball player from mjr that we used to hang ard with)... Darren's Navy Stories... Yiping's "tian zhen de xiang fa"... Yu wen's boreness... Yiping's sister working bad experience... Zion's disappearing actions... Eng kee enlist date... etc la... feel so close yet so far from all those... They are the people I once used to hang out with almost everyday, but now... it's been years since I seen them... or i did see them, but it's just hi and bye...

heard alot of stories of what he wants to do in the near future, setting up a business... how it works... what's the problem... the solutions... etc... all of a sudden, felt that "I still dunno what I want in the near future", "I dun even know what I want now", "feel lost... but not troubled over it..."

Myself

2006-03-21T04:13:00.000+08:00

Always wanted to blog something like this... had been awhile since I thought of this topic... but never did I really type it out...

Basically, this should be a topic that I will constantly update so as to keep a complete record.

The most recent 1 should be...

A person that is easily satisfied. Due to this fact, he dun really complaint much and neither did he has much of feedbacks when he was asked.

A person that prefer to be conserve about his action and his thoughts when he's serious. He does have some thinking of his own, but due to this character of himself, he won't voice out unless he's being asked to. And because of this, he actually thinks alone on his own, so much to the extent he doesn't know that he did and sometimes he over did.

A very STM guy. There's alot of things that he can't manage to remember unless he pen it down, that's why alot of thoughts that he used to have was long forgotten and only recalled when being asked. Althought he might be a STM guy, he's a very visual memory guy. That explain why he can picture alot of things and remember things that happen long long time ago, as long as he picture the image he sees, he can remember exactly what had happened.

A rather caring guy. He believes that being caring will add extra "points" to himself, to be frank, it's a value added quality to countermeasure his height problem. A rather sentimental guy too. but well, guy is always a guy. There's still a limit to his sentimental.

He loves sports! Especially basketball. It will mean taking away a portion of his life if he's not allowed to play. It used to meant alot to him.

Although he might be very quiet in a group, looking and observing what others are doing, somehow making him looks so anti-social. But he's afraid of loneliness. very afraid! Of all the feelings, I bet loneliness is the worst feeling he has. Loneliness can encourage alot of other negative feelings. That's why he never wanted to be left alone, although he is capable of doing alot of things alone.

That's all for now la... hahaha... woke up in the middle of the night, play game and blog... SIAO!

Value Added Change

2006-03-07T18:58:00.000+08:00

Been thinking about this lately... If there's 1 thing about yourselve that you can change, what would it be?

Actually, I had the answer b4 I have the question. The answer is rather obvious for myself. I'll like to be taller than I am now... to be real greedy... haha... I wish I can be 180 tall... well, it's totally impossible, but at least I am able to dream bah... hahaha...

I strongly believe if I would to be taller, alot of things could have change. I bet I could easily make a dunk with that height and the jumping abilities I used to have. I bet if I were taller, I will have a better chances in many things, at least I strongly believe it will be a value added quality for BGR. =x

But well, at the same time, I believe god is fair, he give me something, he might take away something too... Maybe he had oredi given me something without my notify, and I should be happy with it... lol

Maple Girlfriend so boring

2006-03-05T22:43:00.001+08:00

Haha... recently, maplestory have a lot of ppl looking for maple bf/gf... since it's the latest hot thing... I do give it a shot too... since i'm oso 1 of those boring ppl around... hahaha...

I actually got 2 maple gf... both i can't manage to remember their names... shhhh!!! hahah... dun tell them... =x so boring... first 1 i get to know by playing pq with her with my sub character... she's quite noob, and i have to help her alot during pq... that's all for her... the second 1 get to know by traveling to orbis together with my main account... this 1 slightly more interesting... but still sian lor...

she does call me dear la... then likes to "sa jiao" la... but well, sa jiao to get money from me, get items from me, ask me to hunt things for her... aiyo, ask me to help her in many many ways la... felt so being used... so i never really help her... just gave her some money and some useless items i dun really wants... hahaha.... EVIL! lolx... the highlight!!! she said I'll miss you b4 she left... and i feel to puked! lol!

so boring ar!!! SUNDAE!!!!

Maple Girlfriend so boring

2006-03-05T22:43:00.000+08:00

Some Weird Feelings I Had After Watching 水浒传

2006-02-24T02:50:00.000+08:00

For unexplain reason, I felt the pain and hurt as I watched the heros dying 1 after another. This is the first time ever that I felt the pain as I watch a show. The only explanation I had was my before-life was a general/soldier of some country that had been thru the seperation from my fellow commrades.

It's weird that I actually took the effort to check dictionary and online 词典 to find words for the "poem" below... Master Yu Ching, can 指点指点 me?

叛乱造乱世,
乱世出英雄,
英雄平乱世,
宁世弃英雄,
英雄面绝境,
绝望接遗憾,
憾为成英雄,
英雄也落难,
何为定乱世?

Actually, I'm quite happy with it... but some thing seems missing which I can't explain right now... part of the feeling was forgotten as i was composing the poem... another thing is, the sleepiness is making me slow... so, I can think properly of what i want...

Valentine Day - Lawrence and Xuanhui ROM

2006-02-14T22:16:00.000+08:00

Too bad! I didn't have any dream last night. Saded. hahaha... as long as i dream something, even if it's a crazy 1, i dun mind... but nothing... =p

Woke up abit early, actually just like usual working time la... wear formal to orchard... reach orchard MRT about 8.15am... I'm like 45 minutes earlier than the suppose arrival of the shuttle bus time... k la... as a coordinator for the shuttle bus, i should be earlier than the guest la... but 45 minutes is way too much la... hahaha... then 8.30am vincent's 2 ex-rc cadet(grad) come to help oso la, they working for lawrence sir... 1 of them looks quite ok la... (haha, hmmm... can tackle can tackle... lol...jkjk) Then... lalalala...

ROM started, and finished... chatted with the people there... mainly chat with the VDD ppl la, P1, P2, Wei Jian... quite funny to scandel around... haha... oh... for the WHOLE DAY, I've been teasing Shu Ting and Vincent... hahahaha... lalalalala

The whole thing finish liao la... I pass the transport fee to the shuttle bus driver... sayonara guests... went back to help back up... lalalala... done packing... lawrence drove us down to orchard... bye bye lawrence, enjoy ur "xing hun"...

Me, ST and vincent go walk walk at orchard... go cineleisure watch "Xiao Hai Bu Ben 2"... hahaha... funny la... ST scare vincent will thou she like him, then slowly he oso like her... then die liao... so when we sit down for the movie... when vincent almost go into the seats b4 ST went in, haha... I go PULL vincent out and say i sit beside shuting... haha... i find it funny la... i guess the ppl in the movie... oso think "wah, that guy sure is daring lor, go pull away his friend just to sit beside his "date" lor" (in this case shuting is his "date" la) nvm la... OH OH!!! ST and Vincent cried for the movie!!! haha... I almost cry too... but i didn't!!! mwahahhaha... the movie is very educating la... worth watching...

After movie, quite bo liao... we walk down to dohby ghaul then we talk MRT from dohby to raffles... then all the way to boon lay... then all the way back to raffles... haha... poor vincent, me and shu ting keep talk talk talk talk... haha... he's abit the quiet and left out la... haha...

Then we went lau pat sah to makan... then me and shu ting still talk talk talk talk... haha... althou vincent got talk, but abit only la... haha... poor thing sia... hahaha... so much to talk? talk what? scandel lor... hahaha... gossip lor... seems there is so much to talk with her 1... dunno why... haha... maybe ba gong and ba po... so can communicate well... lol

Then I remember shu ting said something like 18 years in her life, never receive a flower b4... obviously she wants a flower la... haha... too bad, upon hearing that hor, i look around see if got ppl selling flower or not, too bad... dun have... haha... actually wanted to buy 1 for her 1, but along the way, dun have... if have hor, is the crowded crowded place 1... I pai seh buy and give her la... so... in the end, never buy for her la... k la... if next year, so happen V day, still meet up with her, sure buy her flower la... haha... I dun think got the chance anyway... let's pray next year V day, she got her own date, I have mine la... haha...

Then 1 silly thing I did la, we happen to walk to raffles city... so I purposely walk past OOTP, well... Vanessa is not working today, obviously she isn't la... she should have a date... why did I say silly, this time round I DARE DARE DARE to say my feeling for her is gone for GOOD! I MEAN IT! numb of it maybe, but i'm sure it's gone! oh... maybe it sound contridicting to you, I said it's gone why still go look for her? for fun lor... haha... i like to do things for fun 1 leh... hahaha... wasn't expecting to see her too... just see see look look lor... hahaha... no feeling or anything special la...

Then go home liao lor... and here I am... refuse to slp yet b4 I blog finish... haha... I'm done! time for bed...

The Urge To Play

2006-02-12T17:28:00.000+08:00

Got this urge of playing and training for my basketball... Got this urge of running around and jumping around all of a sudden... but well, it's still too risky to do so... It's still too early... Althou I think I should be able to achieve it, but it's still too risky... Tsk tsk... lol

Some Thoughts

2006-02-12T01:20:00.000+08:00

Drank abit of red wine just b4 I came home from chalet... well, it's been a long time since i drink... kind of miss those time when me and my friends drink in shots... althou I'm not a good drinker neither do i really like drinking, but it's the company that matters... and the feeling of getting high after drinking that was great... Hmmmm... maybe it's about time to organise 1, and have fun drinking with them once again... 2 groups, SueFeng Xueyu Jacky gang... and Eddie Darren Mankid gang... I wonder how are they doing now? It's been a long long time since I met up with Eddie Darren Mankid... and maybe Yu wen too... that's if he wants and dare to meet me...

Saw Weibin at the chalet, he used to be from Sec 3J and 4I, so he was invited too. He's the guy I always thought that he's the main problem when I "Fan Lian" with my gang of friends during Sec 4... shall not go in depth else long long story... What makes me bring this up in a BLOG that I SELDOM UPDATE is... the first thing was of course greet happy bdae to the bdae girl... then the next thing he ask was where's weiliang? I wonder where he is now?(in term of what vocation in NS)... well, maybe I'm the only person he can talk when there isn't many of the class ppl around... but it shocks me since I too never seen him from such a long time(coz i never wanted to see him)... During BMT, many of times he called out my name, althou I do heard it, but I act as thou i didn't... coz i observe my surrounding very often and I spotted him and i knew it's him when he called for me... and i wasn't facing him, so i act blur lor... But, there's this 1 time he purposely come up to me and say hi to me... I just act shocked to see him and say hi, that's all... so far, I think it's pretty obvious I dun like this guy la... nvm... before I go home, he even volunteer to get my number... hmmmm... I wonder what's the problem with him? or rather, what's the problem with me? haha...

was sitting around a group of NSF and regulars, since most of us are poly type, or rather ALL of us poly or PHD(Poly Halfway Dropout), so mostly the guys are still serving NS... listening to them complaining how tough OCS is... how tough Sispec is (commander to be, sergneat, in VI term, Instructor to be)... how tough commando is... how sickening guard duty is... what are the "high" and "low" in combat unit... and all the army terms I never heard of from Tekong... feel so left out... They kept saying, "wah, weiliang, SHIOK sia! you got the dreams of all NSF sia!" "Wah, Si Bei Song lor, slack la!" "Wah piang, NBCB la, 8 to 5! KNN why like that 1, so fit still clerk, I so fat still chiong suang" true, that I do agree with them that it's indeed a dream vocation for NSF... I do agree that it's no point serving NS the hard way, just finish your 2 years and FO(army term of get out of it) But it seems to me, there's so much I miss which I should have gone thru... If only time can be reversed, there's 1 thing that I really really really wants to change... I'll not chase after my friend to sabo him, and cause the accident to happen... I believe I would really lead a better life than now... I trully do... But if you ask me do i regret running after him, i think i don't la... haha... i run after him on my own will... too bad, accident just happen... 2 more weeks to my review of PES status... If i "chao gen" abit, I think I should have minimum pes C1 or 2... But if I act "garang", I think I should have temperaly pes downgrade... Althou I do wish to go sispec or OCS, but i dun think it's possible now... if i were to have temperaily downgrade, I'll be posted elsewhere, most prob a man in a unit, practically "chiong suang" all the way, super sian 1... and if i do, my roles and responsibility of a clerk in PAC will have to change... and my senior doesn't really want that to happen since he's ORDing soon... me posting out, meaning he needs to teach a new person whatever he taught me all over again... damn sian... haha... he sian i meant...

can la... whatever i said here, isn't anything influencing me la... just some thoughts... since i have, then blog down lor... else this blog will collect more dust... haha...

Quotes From YC

2006-02-12T01:14:00.000+08:00

1st of all, the before situation: u didnt think about relationships, u blocked Vanessa, and your life as "peaceful".

Then u started to think about relationships, and now u have an objective, to woo Li Ling. To do that, u need to face vanessa, so u unblocked her... but after realising that u're not ready for a relationship, suddenly u're disoriented, because the thought of relationships brought an objective into ur life, yet now u're still in the midst of facing relationships yet ur objective is gone...

Its like, a man on the shore is all well and fine, then he started to want to swim to a nearby island, he got into the water, but halfway, he decided that the island wasnt the place to go, yet too late to swim back to the shore..

So now this man is disoriented in the sea?

The man is swimming in the sea, how would he know where he is? Need a helicopter from the top to see what's going on

Relationships

2006-02-05T01:06:00.000+08:00

talked with hafizah along the walk of orchard road... our topic mainly cycled around relationships...

been giving advice to her and a chance for myself to voice out my situation openly... haha... notice hafizah is still among the rest i can be most opened with... coz she's the 1 to have opened up first... haha...

really did some catching up with her... Hafizah actually pointed out a few interesting topic I had thou of but didn't really put into deep thous...

haha... 1 of which is do i mind having a gf of different race? yup... can't imagine having indian or muslim gf... simply of the skin colour bah... althou i'm quite tanned myself... but i can't expect myself to face 1... muslim not that bad but indian... hmmmm... lol

interesting question isn't it? haha

another 1, somehow the same question as yc had asked me... will I looked down on a girl if she approach me? haha... that's an obvious answer question... NO! why looked down? turned down maybe la... haha... HEY! I might seems desperate now... but doesn't mean any rubbish come I oso accept ok?!? for e.g, the whoever guy/girl from AFS that sms me a couple of times oredi yet dun wan to tell me his/her name... i admit I'm quite draw to the fact I want to know who he/she is... coz I believe it's more likely to be a she... and i think i know who she is... well, if it's who I thou she is, sorry! you pissed me off! hahaha... if it's a guy, KNNBCCBPBLJKNN! if it's some other female, sorry hor! since when i'm your old friend? it's not cool to have my contact number from somewhere without my permission and claiming yourself to be my old friend. LIAR!

many more interesting question la... lazy to type and think la... it's past midnight oredi... guess I should slp too... *YAWN*

I guess I failed the test

2006-02-03T18:25:00.000+08:00

I dunno what the hell is wrong with me... It's been such a long time... There's even a couple of girls appear right in front of me, waiting for me to hit the go with either of them... but none of them can compair with her...

I thou I was ready since LiLing seems to be the right person for me... I should learn or learnt to let go by now... but guess what happened?

I paid more attention to vanessa MSN messenger window. After she's gone, my mind is full of memories of her... I denied it by going to bed early... but the moment I opened my eyes, I checked my hp for sms... her sms... It's been a long time since I had that habit of checking sms when I woke up... I dunno why... I dunno how... I just woke up and reach for hp and hope to see "1 Message Receive"

2 days have pasted, yet my mind is still playing tricks on me... althou the feeling is not longer strong, but it's still there somewhere... I dunno what to do... I'm lost...

Just ignore me! just feel like writing it down somewhere... I'll be fine... or rather I'm fine! hahahaha!

What if you were to die in a short period of time?

2006-01-15T12:14:00.000+08:00

After reading ST blog, I suddenly thought the topic question... It's rather interesting to think that way, really! It tells you what you actually regret not doing in this lifetime that you want to do so badly, or what you want to do before you leave this world? I actually concentrate and think carefully. Assume that I know that I'm going to die in 1 or 2 month time, what will I do?

First that comes into my mind, was to give her a call and ask her how she is? I really really hope to know how she's doing right now... not that I dun know how she's doing but I just wanna hear from her and not check it myself... that's the least i wanna do la... but well, I'll still prefer not to tell her what happened that time, why suddenly call for a "time out". I prefer to let it be forever a secret... haha... anyway, no matter what, she will not ask, cuz it doesn't matter anymore now...

Second that comes into my mind, treat yc go somewhere nice to eat... i splendid place that just pop into my mind now... river at the bay! I think that's what it's call, if i'm not wrong... The very pretty kallang resturant... reason for the treat? thanks for the care and concern given by her lor... she's 1 person i'll never regret knowing, that's for sure...

Next, Sagitarius have this bad habit of borrowing items from friend and not return. not that they dun wanna return but they lazy to return or forget to return. So actually, I have plenty of items at home that doesn't really belong to me. One of it is the cluthes... there's a story behind the cluthes.... haha... It's borrowed from a friend name Jacky Ho... Somehow during our year 3, we had a major quarrel out of something that's actually nothing... lol... "Wu2 Zhong1 Sheng1 You3"... anyway, the spark of the quarrel is actually BGR and my mood swing... well, dun be surprise guys do have mood swing too... haha... it's not the right of woman wor... reason for the mood swing is after operation mah, then alot of "ku3" no where to vent it out ar, then accumulate inside, which cause the mood swing lor... lol...

I dun like to tell ppl what's the "me" going on inside me... i usually vent it out through cycling or play bball... so... during that period of time, can't cycle, can't bball... so everything trap inside la...

So when i return the cluthes, I just wanna apologise to him... honestly, till now I still dun think that i did wrong la... in the sense, the huge quarrel we had started out of nothing by him... so why do I wanna apologise for something I don't think I did wrong... well, it won't die to just say sorry right? anyway, i'm dying... haha... so it's ok bah... haha... it's like won't have regret la... knowing something went totally wrong when nothing's wrong... 2 good friends, buddy becomes 2 total stranger that won't even say hi to each other when we pass by each other... fyi, althou the both of us right now dun contact each other, or some class outing we attend, we do see each other but we still kept silence... and when either of us were asked what happened that time actually... how come we "fan mu chen chou"? both of us can't come out with the reason... haha... guys can actually be very "xiao qi"... that proves that guy can't forgive but do forget... haha...

Then the next oso the last that i though of... is to seriously start working and earn a sum of money... so that I can travel... travel to some nice place where carefree lifestyle can be found... or rather travelling around in a carefree lifestyle... If i have a spouse, I'll like to spend my final days with her... well, since now that i don't, I'll like to die in silence... in the sense, without ppl knowing that i'm gone... but of course, have to let my parents know about it since I can't just leave just like that right? anyway, when that really happens, I think more about it... that's about all anyway... haha

actually, I dun really have to wait till that day to come, I can actually start saving money, start returning the items i borrowed, apologise to him even though i'm not dying, and as for the treat mah... haha... i'll think about it more lah... lolx

Extracted From ST Blog

2006-01-15T12:12:00.000+08:00

A young man learns what's most important in life from the guy next door.

It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girls, career, and life itself got on the way. In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams. There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son. He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him.

Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday."

Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.

"Jack, did you hear me?"
"Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said.
"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he put it," Mom told him.
"I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said.
"You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said.
"He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important...Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said.

As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away. The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.

Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture....Jack stopped suddenly.

"What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked.
"The box is gone," he said
"What box?" Mom asked.
"There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was 'the thing I value most,'" Jack said.

It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.

"Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said.
"I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."

It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days," the note read.Early the next day Jack retrieved the package.

The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention. "Mr. Harold Belser" it read. Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package.

There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside.

"Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box.

There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch.Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved: "Jack, Thanks for your time! -Harold Belser."

"The thing he valued most was...my time"Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days.

"Why?" Janet, his assistant asked."I need some time to spend with my son," he said.
"Oh, by the way, Janet, thanks for your time!"

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away,"

Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
4. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
5. You mean the world to someone.
6. If not for you, someone may not be living.
7. You are special and unique.
8. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you trust God to do what's best, and wait on His time, sooner or later, you will get it or something better.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
11. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
12. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
13 . Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know and you'll both be happy.
14. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

To everyone who read this " Thanks for your time" =)

A few things on my mind

2006-01-02T01:24:00.001+08:00

pride of a brother
never knew i had it till today... I just simply can't stand it when my brother did better than me... there are times when I realise he actually was right, or he actually did better than i am... and i just can't help but to let that anger out... I believe it's rather very obvious today... maybe on normal days, I wasn't acting like that... but it doesn't mean having a visitor in the house makes it different... I must have somehow acted the same just like normal days... just that I never relies it, that's all...

since young, i'm being brought up knowing that I'm the eldest among my playmates... and was taught to be better, smarter, more responsible compair to them... and since that's the case, I always felt I'm actually better than them in many ways (true or not, only the "ju wai ren" can see) I believe I'll never understand the feeling of having someone actually better than you in many ways always on top of you... I think it must be a suffering for them... hmmm... i wander do they understand the feeling of being on top of everyone? hmmmm... wander is the song "yue fei yue gao yue ji mo" still download-able or not...

well, that's not the point... the point is after being a brother so long... only today then i realise that I'm actually "jealous" of my brother... I never knew it... or rather, only recently, I realise that my brother is growing up... does that means he only really started to grow just recently? or does it means I never notice until recently?

being useless all the while
What you want in the future? can't remember what's the real question is, anyway, i suppose it meant something like do you wanna spent the rest of your life gaming all the while and just waste your life just like that? I simply reply I shall game while I still can... blah was the answer... but think it again... to phrase it properly, it might sound sweet talking through... but well... that's how it should be at least... I'm doing what I do best... Persistent in whatever I do... Do my best in whatever I wanna do... isn't that right? Persistent and determination to do something is in the good sense... put it in a bad sense, it's just simply being stubborn isn't it? It's just a matter of how you see it... right now, enjoying my life is what i want while i still can, so I do my best to enjoy right now... or rather till the end of my life... unless, someone can change it for me... which I doubt so... lol *touch wood sia*

what am i running away from?
I was watching tv when I saw the preview of the "ai de zhang men ren" of chn 8... It makes me realises something...

oh... anyway, it's a nice show... tells alot about love... many different aspect... in some ways, it contridict itself... but guess... love could be rather contridicting sometimes...

back to topic, I realise why I'm actually running away from her... why I block her in the first place, after she block me... First of all, I've been asking myself, why am i so petty and block her in the first place? answer: somethings happen, she block first, then i did. but i dunno for sure... Since I dunno, then why can't I unblock her now? Answer: 我害怕会再情不自禁地爱上她

in another sense, she block me first, it might be the same reason... since she unblock, it could have meant she has overcome the fact, of the "qing bu zhi jing" thingy... argghhh... hack la... it's all just my own personal thoughts... who cares? hack la

This time is special!

2005-12-28T01:09:00.000+08:00

Why is this special? cause this time i blog not because i want to... but i feel nothing better to do! haha... play game play till sian... no movie to watch... practically, dun feel like doing anything... haha...

but then again, i dunno what to blog... hmmmm.... think think of a topic!!! hmmmm....

1st topic: gu dian mei
Actually, it's from a close friend of mine that had told me about this la... He said I somehow will be attracted to girls with abit of gu dian mei... honestly, up till now, i dun really understand what he's trying to say... gu dian mei? hmmmm... really?

2nd topic: how i felt now?
Simple! It's about time to take pain killers again! haha... but well, the pain isn't that irritating compair with the itchy-ness i'm having around the wound now... counter measure i'm doing, scatch somewhere else instead of the wound... hahaha...

3rd topic: love
Was watching the 2100 hours ch 8 show when i come to a conclusion that love are group into 2 major category, wei da de ai qing and zi shi de ai qing. actually, everyone have their own explanation for love, i wonder what will the dictionary says. hmmmm... maybe it's a good idea to go ask around for everyone around me, what is love to them! actually, this topic is my favourite topic when i chat with my friends or whoever. if you may ask why of all things, this is my favourite topic... if there is something you dunno or dun understand, will you want to find out? love in terms of bgr, the more you find out, the more you dun understand... even if you are involve in a bgr, you still dun understand what is it really about? was it commitment? but there are cases when both parties dun commit, but it is there... so what is it really about? guess it's still a mystery...

4th topic: how i felt last night?
b4 i slp last night, i did some reflection. what's wrong with me? conclusion: I'm just abit of qing xui shi tiao(emotional uncontrolled). haha... abit the lame i think... why did i say so? a point of time, i'm happy... the next point of time, i'm angry... another point of time i'm lonely... just lots of weird feeling for all kind of weird reason... dunno is it obvious? haha... i hope not... haha... i just found another conclusion, dying for attention! haha... but it's not totally true, coz i dun wan attention at the same time! contridicting indeed!

Asia's role in the global economy and the international financial systems
Asia is the center of the global, therefore it's the center of the economy. talking about financial systems, that's a job of an accountant. since I'm an engineer and i'm an asian, therefore i conclude that financial system got nothing to do with me (since i'm not a accountant), asia (i'm a asian). It's an equationally correct conclusion!

The most significant event in 1871 was not the unification of Germany but the defeat of France. Discuss.
tell you a secret. human are mostly sadist. therefore, a defeat of a country is more interesting, in another sense significant, than a success of another country. e.g. when a friend of yours fall down, will you laugh(happy in a sense) when he fall, or when he stand up again?

my reflections for 2005
save it for later part of the year la... nothing much to say anyway...

my friend - yu ching
Haha... kind of stupid to write this topic, when practically, yc is the only person that still reads the blog! wanted to write something nice about her and someone else by the name of chua sue feng. haha. but i felt it's not correct to write somehow.

since i'm "topic" to write, then i guess i'll have to write it out la. The topic I wanted to write was 2 women in my current life. why? both of them seems to be the only 2 person that cares about how's my life going on. they remembered about my birthday and do give a damn about it, when i, myself dun give a damn about it. =x. most importantly, they do spare some time just to talk with me even if they are dead busy. during my darkest time, they were there. It might not be physically there sometimes, but mentally, they are there for me. cause i know, if anything would have happen, I know i can seek help from them, and definately they will help me in whatever way they can. In return, they do holds a significant place in my heart, as a friend/ close friend, and forever it will be just friend/ close friend.

kk... back to the original topic. my friend - yc. A nice girl that never ask for anything from me (guess this is the first time she wants me to write something about her). She could be 1 of the people around that understand me most. e.g. knowing that I'm always acting blur, and she just play along with me. A girl that have rather a different set of frequency as mine yet we click well when we talk. I dunno how we did, but we just do. maybe it's through cycling, that brought us so close together i guess. oh! another thing, we got close through our friendly arguements of any topics in the form of a debate. haha. it's been awhile since we last debated.

P1 language: She is my friend for 1 year already. We both likes cycling. We both shares some memorible memories. e.g. entering sentosa without paying and watching musical fountain, it's my first time too. Haiya, to summaries, she's a close friend of mine la! FYI, I dun wan a best friend cuz I'll expect alot from a best friend, and so far, my best friend never last.

Anyway, does my essay match with the purpose of this topic? or i doesn't? if i don't, i can continue tomolo, just tell me what's missing? coz... slpy oredi la... cannot think properly oso, so just anyhow ended it liao.

(it took me so long to write because some of the sentences i thought of, or wrote, i think i am sweet talking la, that's why i hesitate alot)

Friend

2005-12-25T16:14:00.000+08:00

Friend is Friend
Not Friend is Not Friend
Good Friend is Friend
Best Friend is Buddy
Girl Friend is SILLY!

MWAHAHAHAHAHA

Discharge liao lor!

2005-12-23T13:46:00.000+08:00

haha... what a experience in the hospital... the second time to be admin into a hospital... it's a NEW experience... haha... the last time was blur blur, giddy giddy thoughout... this time is fresh and alert... know exactly what's going on around me...

When they push me into the op threate, I was wondering, how come the auntie that push me in seems to be rather familiar and the 1 joke she told me, it seems to be my first time to hear it, yet I seems to hear from her b4... maybe it's in my dream bah... you never know, sometimes you happened to dream about your future, and it came true... lol

after op, the first time there's no much pain and quite ok the feeling... but this time round, the moment i'm conscious I felt great pain from my leg and i'm shivering quite badly... I can even recall me telling the nurse beside, "I'm cold and I felt painful. The previous op wasn't that painful after the op" she replied me, "Boy, I know you're cold, you are shivering... the previous op and this op is different, every op is different, you felt pain now, that's normal!" haha! omg sia! really painful sia... forget it, no matter how i describe, who on earth will know what's the pain like? haha

in the ward, the first time the moment i woke up from bed, I saw a basket of fruits right beside me, with a light note on top, quite touched and i went back to slept... this time round, the moment i woke up... no 1 is around, nothing... I woke up feeling painful (same old pain)... then have to bear the pain and slp through it...

around 5+, I woke up... the last time I got a shock for nothing... the Ms Chong Shu Ting play a trick on me... details shall be kept secret... haha... this time round, I woke up to find myself feel like vomitting... sick sia! haha... felt so sick yet no 1 is around... saw the patients all around me crowded with families and friends, while I'm on bed alone... so sad... haha... not really la... the vomiting feeling is the sad case la... lol... by the 4th time i vomit, the nurse then gave me an injection to prevent me from vomiting, ease my pain and he says will knock me out (put me to slp la)... about that time, my parents came... traffic jam la... no choice... talk awhile, then i need to slp liao...

next morning is a fresh start! got up hungry, and was served breakfast... eat and slp... lunch oso eat and slp... lol... PIG! b4 dinner, sister came... brought her bf along... we played D2(poker card game)... won almost every single round... play till the both of them sian diao... lol... dinner ate and my cousin and his friends came... didn't really know his friends... oso dunno why they come... lol... parents come soon after that...

since lunch, saw the opposite bed uncle kept talking rubbish to the doctors... so funny... then the uncle on my left, is an indian, he oso like to talk rubbish... haha... but he talk in a more harsh and forceful manner while the opposite bed uncle is funny way... lol... i pity the nurses and doctors... haha... but it's quite entertaining... lol

1 similiar experience as the past, the last time I sms shu ting to tell her i was hospitalize but she dun believe... this time round i sms rachel pang.... same thing... she oso dun believe... lol...

hmmm... after that night, which is today... haha... have been entertained by the uncles when they some how talk cork with the doctors or the nurses... haha... pity the nurses and doctors at the same time, enjoy the torturing of the doctors and nurses... lol...

k la... for today, discharge nothing much to say liao... damn! how come all of a sudden feel slpy liao... i dun wan to slp yet! i wanna play game!!! haha...

The Feeling Is So Close, Yet So Far

2005-12-20T21:55:00.000+08:00

I wonder why I said "the feeling is so close, yet so far" ALL of a sudden today... haha... but I kind of like this phrase...

maybe because of stress bah... I feel abit lonely all of a sudden... *shred shoulders* haha... I wonder did i used the shred shoulders correctly or not... lol... now the feeling is a bit the heavy... abit the restless... yet feel these alot of things i should have do yet i didn't...

after tomolo, I should have alot alot alot of time do to this kind of updates and thoughts running through my head very very often... i guess? lol... haha... maybe that's what they call xiu sheng yang xing bah... tired... slp liao la

A space to voice out

2005-12-15T23:35:00.000+08:00

Not that I dun want to participate in RC HQ event. Not that I'm "dao" so I push away all the events you guys want me to sign up. I said I'm in NS, so i can't. That's a cover up reason. The real reason behind is I'm having the operation on 21st december, at least for the next 1 week, the cut opened wound won't heal yet. I can't even move much. At least for the next 2 weeks, I'll be having problem to even banding my knee, due to the fact in order to reach the bone, they need to cut through the muscles. For the estimated time 3 months (according to the doc, which I doubt 3 months ONLY), I'll be using clutches when I move around.

Why I dun wanna just say out the real reason behind? To me, it's not a glory thing. True that it isn't a shameful thing too. But what would other think?

"Aiya, must be "chao kan" army 1 la."
"He looks prefectly alright to me. Why go for the op?"
"It's an injury a year and a half ago you know? that's long ago" (break your bone into two and see how long it heals!" It's a wound of a lifetime"

I dun want to see that happen. It's hurting enough to know I have to go through all those shit over again. As I said many times to Xueyu, when I heard those sentence, the feeling was like adding salt onto an open wound of the heart. Pain to the core.

Wanted to tell shu ting about the ops 1, but she left earlier. (btw, I went HQ for some vivien's farewell thingy) Wanted to sms her, but think of her, now being so much cheerful and happy then I last know her, (true or not deep inside, I dunno la) I just feel so "bu ren xing" to tell her. FYI, I have this habit of keeping things to myself coz I dun like to tell ppl my bad happening or feeling coz i dun want another person to stress or worry for me.

For e.g. Telling YC will only make her feel useless, just like mmel case - my friend is in trouble yet I can't help.

I guess that's one of the reason why I never wanted to let her know about the reason behind the breaking up. A secret keep in the dark, deep inside my heart, away from her. Once a guardian angel, always her guardian angel.

Abit unorganised (i think I'm alway so unorganised)... lol... feel better now... Wrote this entry cause of the someone that said I was dao to have push away all the offering of signing up for the events. I know she doesn't really mean it, but it hurts to hear that. Knowing the true reason behind yet can't say it out.

Where shall I start?

2005-12-13T19:04:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since I last update... where should I start neh?

maybe I shall name a couple of the major event in NS...

LIVE RANGE
It's M16 rifle firing with real bullet that can kill. We are given some zero-ing (to adjust rifle to suit your eye sight) magazine (each magazine are loaded with 4 live rounds/bullets), some practise magazine and a total of 8 magazine for the testing.

8 times 4 = 32 rounds = 32 targets

out of the 32 targets, I hit 21 targets. Day shot (16 shots) I only miss once and the target I miss was actually the most easy target that no one can miss at all, I actually hit the target but it doesn't went down. As for night shots, I miss like mad! 1st magazine I actually miss all the targets, 2nd mag and 3rd mag I can't rmb how i did, but not too bad... as for the last night mag, I miss all the targets again, not that i can't shoot but my specticle fog up, so I can't see any thing... so I any how finish my magazine and that's it.

LIVE GRENADE THROW
Nothing much for this... just a feeling of throwing a grenade... it's not as loud as we though it will be

STARDARD OBSTACLE COURSE
For BMT, you only need to run one time and have a feel of how is it like to do the SOC and complete it if possible. General thinking, WAH LAO EH! SIAO 1! VERY VERY SHEK! oh... SOC is a 1.7km run, after approximately 700m run have to clear a series of 11 obstales which is about 200m distance apart from the 1st obstacle to the last, after which have to run another 800m to finish the whole course

24 KM Route March
I can't believe I finish it. I thought I will give up half way but I finish it. When we came back to the company line("the campsite"), wah, the feeling was really shiok sia! Satisfactory and Relief! but the after effect, oso very shiok... haha... blister la, abrasion la, cramp la... WOOO!

LAST IPPT TEST
I manage to jump 230 for my last IPPT test which is 3 points, which allow me to get silver for my IPPT! Hip Hip Hurray!

OC Evening
OC is Officer Commander. He's the chief company. during this night, all 4 platoon have perform an individual performance, be it a skit, a dance, a drama, a song, whatever la... very interesting night! seeing 1 of the platoon performing the happening incidence we had... seeing one musical(came out from one of the army song that is from 1 of our commanders ring tone, song title: knock it down.) 1 platoon boring la... sing song group singing... and dunno what the hell they are singing. As for my platoon, we did a skit that mimic the action and character of our commanders. It's a game show. Overall, this is the highlight of the bmt for the recruits. somehow, it gave me a feeling it marks the end of our BMT althou we still have 1 week and a half to POP.

CO EVENING/ RECRUITS EVENING
CO is like the principle of the whole BMTC Sch 1. Generally, it's a night that recruits are allow to wear civilian and enjoy the performance from other company. during OC Evening, one platoon is selected and performe during CO evening. special guest are invited to perform too. but well, they sang ai de zhen hao. and when their line came to ke nen da yu lai de tai zhao, the rain really came down.

GAMES DAY
A day whereby the whole school participate and compete against each other. There's tentage building, dancing, chain of command, tug of war, drill comp, banner, masscord, etc la... lol...

POP
The final day in BMT. The grand parade for all recruits. memoribles.

That's about all the update of the weeks I miss in blog.

A little joke for an update

2005-12-13T18:39:00.000+08:00

I was sitting in the POSBank waiting for my mum to do some update on her bank acc. I sat at a corner and was reading my comic. A gentleman came over and sat beside me. He seems rather shocked or uneasy when he saw me reading a comic. After awhile, he gained the courage and talk to me. And here's the most interesting part of the joke? Guess what was the first sentence out of his mouth? A little hint! He spoke to me in english and I replied him in chinese on purpose!

Highlight the line bottom!

Gentleman: You know how to read chinese?
Me: 我是华人

BAD LUCK!

2005-11-05T13:11:00.000+08:00

guess why i'm not having alot of time!

I kanna guard duty for sunday! book out on saturday(today), book in on saturday(today) 2300... SUCKS BIG TIME!

Field Camp ar! Lagi Worst!

2005-11-05T12:45:00.000+08:00

Due to demand... well... here's the entry... I'll try to keep it as short as possible... haha... due to the fact, i dun have much time oredi...

7 days of field camp was quite slacky for the first 5 days... it's slacky due to the fact 6th and 7th day is siong! 1st day, quite bo liao la... 8km route march first (hell), coz normal field pack about 20kg heavy oredi... but we added alot of personal stuff, pricky heat, etc la... the fieldpack is extra heavy... after that, we pitch barsar (pitch tent la)... then some lecture in the field and dinner... End of day 1

day 1 night rain! dotz... my buddy is totally wet and shivering... while i'm half wet... nvm... that's not the worst anyway...

day 2 training, can't remember much la... just simply muddy and dirty la...

day 3 training, can't remember much too... just simply muddy and dirty again... but this time round, we get the chance to fire blanks. meaning fire our rifle with bullets that have the BANG sound and light flash at the front of the rifle... quite fun in a sense... then route march to another place... hell again, coz of the field pack and the tireness after 4 days... then slp cowboy style (slp in the open with groundsheet on the ground only)

day 4, no much training... technical break day (no training day la), we get to bath for the first time outfield WITH 1 PAIL OF WATER... previous day only powder bath... think that's about all

day 5, test day... test on stuff we learn from day 1... quite fun oso... get to execute some of the drills we learn as thou we are in a real situation... but well... one of the drill, we are forced to prone down due to a nearby grenade (fake) explosion, and SPLASH! wet and muddy!

day 6, route march again, slightly lighter, coz we throw all our unnecessary stuff into our resup bag (resupply bag that come every 2 or 3 days, come in a vehicle, sent back in a vehicle)... then here come the real hell! digging of trench... dig for like 2 hours... then it rains like nobody business... force to evacuate... 1 hour later, rain stop, back and continue digging... but b4 digging, we need to empty the swimming pool, i mean the trench... it's flooded with rainwater! DOT DOT DOT! at first the top layer of soil is lossen... but the underlayer becomes muddier and heavier... anyway, the whole place become very very muddy la... and we are suppose to slp there la... inside the hole... haiZ... before lights out, it RAIN HEAVILY AGAIN LA! and we have to wear jacket and slp in the hole... luckily, my trench was dig properly, coz i dig deep enough and lucky that the water can pass through easily... so mine wasn't flooded again! but lots of "wu tong ke gui" soldier have to stand beside their trench and get themselve wet in the rain... lol... after an hour or so, I'm so kapo, that I invited my section mates to come to my trench and take a seat... haha... then we sit around my trench, resting/slping...

after some time, it gets so cold most of us are shivering... then we decided to burn solid fuel since we have lots of it la... coz the solid fuel given is more than enough lor... anyway, we dun need it anymore... so we started a mini camp fire (illegally, coz we are not allowed to... but anyway, everyone did it)

day 7 morning, have to cover the stupid hole... simply, we can't manage to cover the hole totally coz it's muddy, we are tired, the surrounding is still dark, the ground seems level yet the hole is only half filled (coz we walk around in the night, and step the muddy pile of "extra" soil into the ground...) nvm la... then after that, we need to go throu some exercise/mission... that live rounds are used... we need to crawl about 70m to the finishing line! after that exercise, we are totally full of sand... all the pockets full of sand and stuffs la...

OVERALL, the camp is to get yourself dirty and muddy...

OH....

2005-10-16T18:12:00.000+08:00

for the field camp, I'll be un-reach-able... meaning I won't be able to use or bring hp for the field camp... totally lost contact from the outside world... haha... 22th is the start of my field camp... so sms or call me b4 that if you want...

oh... 1 more thing... chao shu ting... call you chit chat with ya... you say call me back later... which you nv did! hmph! dun call you again liao... =p

kk... gtg

What Should I Blog? Hmmmm

2005-10-16T16:01:00.000+08:00

From the flowcounter... I notice ppl do read my blog when I'm actually away... haha... thanks for all ya supports... 请投我一票

Where should i start? hmmmm.... let me start from in camp...

last week in camp, got this very tired kind of feeling... very low morale... might look ok in the surface as in during training... but once i get back to the bunk... even if there is only a few minute of resting time available... I'll either sit or lay on the bed... almost every night, I slept slightly earlier than my bunk mate... then b4 book out, I kept looking forward to it... it's something like I need some fresh air... which in the end, yup... went to CHANGI BEACH to breathe in fresh air... haha... especially outside SFT... lol

then this week leh... I dun look forward to book out for some reason... seems like I'm trying to run away from something... I felt there's no meaning for me to go out... I rather stay in camp and run away from the outside world... haha... two opposite feeling in 2 weeks...

well, after book out, it seems rather fruitful in a sense... not that touring around clark quey and boat quey... but revisiting Prego... had always wanted to go back for dessert for quite awhile... and finally I'm back and really really enjoyed the dessert FOR FREE!!! haha... FOC! lol

then had a break at kembagang mrt 7-11... haha... actually wanted to go there alone 1... but i pull yc along... I stopped there for some reason... at first, I thou YC will ask me why we pull over at a 7-11 so quiet... or why we pull over here? but she didn't ask... anyway, in simple term, there's memories at that area...

hmmmm... seems like I had made a summary for everything for the past 2 weeks... haha... well... see you guys in 2 weeks time... cause this book in i will only book out on the next monday... meaning I'll be confine for 2 weeks b4 book out...

oh... somehow I feel like typing this down... 18th october is her bday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HER IN ADVANCE! getting late for book in liao... gtg

A Dream I had In Army

2005-10-02T17:43:00.000+08:00

I dream of knowing an elderly man... I think I'm working for him or working with him in the dream... He invited me to his house to have dinner or something... To my surprise... I went to her house... She was there when I enter the door... I was shocked...

After I sat down for awhile, she came over and ask me why I distance from her since then... I kept quiet... not knowing what to say to her... After awhile, I woke up oredi... I wonder...

3rd week

2005-10-02T17:16:00.000+08:00

The 3rd week training seems to be much much more smoother... smoother in the sense used to the rate of training and the style of training etc...

1st platoon IC for the week is CSM, Company Shortest Man... He did pretty well... He's in my bunk... 2nd platoon IC is appointed tuesday evening... he's the opposite bed of my bed... bed 11... name is eugene... he's from NCC... there's some problem with his style of management... to simplify it, it's just like Jin Ying in VIP camp... not that he's not capable... but it's the anger... quite unlucky for him... due to some conflict happened much earlier on... eugene dun really have a good relationship with some of the platoon mates... that oso explain why some of them give them more trouble along the way...

then the next platoon IC is me... haiz... after I took over, there is a obvious change of attitude of the platoon... therefore, eugene dun feel too good when that happens... they are so cooperative, that it usually indirectly reflect me as a good platoon I/C which I dun really think i am la...

For the next 5 or 6 fall in time, we were not late for a single time... see how much the platoon change? obviously they are going against him... and that oso indirectly make my relationship with eugene abit the dull... althou the both of us to say it out, I can feel a strange feeling when eugene and I have a eyes contact... or when I talk cork about platoon I/C is a sai kang manager... he will have a change on the face... not very obvious... but it's definately obvious for me and for some...

well... that doesn't mean they are on time all the times... after 2nd day... problem starts la... they started to slow down again... haha... then I think that's when I start to "screw up"... I think I oso bad luck... those times when we fall in late, I sure kanna scolding by the sergeant... the first 1 is a misunderstanding of timing of the sergeant and me... I got my punishment coz sergeant take it as my fault for falling in late but actually we are slightly earlier... almost the whole platoon is not happy, so when i kanna pump, they go down with me... which make me feel sad for being punish for no good reason but at the same time happy... become i dunno that the whole platoon actually is willing to stand for me...

the next bad luck 1... oso fall in late... i think 3 or 4 minutes... because some of them are slow... sergeant want me to name them out... as in name those that cause the late fall in time for the platoon... those are my platoon mates... i need to work with them in the future, no matter what, i can't name them out to spoilt the relationship... so i hestitate and kept quiet... and down I go again... lol... well, to my surprise, the whole platoon stand for me again... all drop 20 with me... =p

the last 1... is abit more extreme... coz we are booknig out... time to do cleaning up and packing is not enough if they didn't prepare in advance which I did... so I'm faster than the rest... but the whole platoon other than my bunk is fast... so... we are actually late for 10 minutes... and down we go again...

haha... I think I did quite badly yet good as a platoon I/C... I'm the first platoon IC that cause the platoon to kanna pumping as punishment in 3 days got 60 oredi... which is so much more than the past 2 weeks... lol... but good in the sense, I kanna pump... they go down at their own will with me... so i felt i'm not alone la... haha...

anyway, I just notice 1 good thing... I'm having a medical check up on 4th october, tuesday... therefore, I'll definately step down as platoon I/C for tuesday latest... haha... hmmmm... HIP HIP HURRAY!!! hahaha....

A Chinese Poem I Once Compose

2005-10-01T18:59:00.000+08:00

睡觉之前想起你,
睡梦之中想见你,
睡醒之后想念你,
无时无刻想着你,
我是真的很爱你,
希望和你在一起.

Due to popular demand

2005-09-24T23:33:00.000+08:00

2 weeks in tekong... it's so much slacker than i thought it will be... the first few days dun really have training... most of which are doing the admin stuff... I'm quite a friendly and socialable person... so... I actually know all my bulk mate in 2 or 3 days...

according to the sergeat, they said the first 2 weeks are honeymoon... can't give us too much of punishments... althou there are still some la... but so far so good... handle-able...

all my sergeat very good and welfare... The Platoon Commander may looks fierce... but he's oso very good la... from what i see so far...

the experience i have inside... seems to be abit like RC camps I have... but slightly different... the FD is slightly different... the food inside is better than RC camp food... lol... the physical training is difinately much much tougher than RC 1... the sun is difinately much hotter too... the water parade is difinately much much more and we drink more too... but the stress level inside so far, is lower than RC 1... I remember last time RC leadership camp i have in sec 3 infor course... it's much stresser la... oh! and 1 big big different is almost everyone in the camp is male... when RC camp, most are females... lol...

1st day, I was appointed the section I/C (similar to Group I/C of RC)... after 2nd or 3rd day, I'm double appointed as the Report Sick I/C... whoever feel sick or wherever pain and wanna see doctor... have to look for me first... to keep a record of the strength... I was then called by the sergeat as brain... coz the parade state I/C (someone i have to work closely with) is much taller than me... Pinky and the Brain is 1 tall 1 short... so he's pinky, and i'm brain!

about 4th or 5th day, the section I/C is being rotated... everyday the next bed is the section I/C...

So far, I think my performance is above the average of the whole platoon... among the top of the platoon... since I think I'm performing rather well... becoming the best recruit of the platoon seems to have become my motivation to keep doing well... althou I always thou fame isn't something that I will consider in my motivation or objective... but this time round, I feel being a best recruit of the platoon... is really honourable and proud to be... and it seems to have become my objective of perceive in army...

some thoughts i have in army... so far...

1. I dun really miss home... according to my mum, my mum is fine to have me in army, dun really miss me neither worry about me in army... she's worry more on the leg... that explain why I call home almost every night and she only seems to say a few words and ended the phone call (less than 1 minute) I call home every night not that i miss home, I dun wan my mum to worry, that's why I call...

2. The world isn't a world with good people around you always... althou I learn this way b4 I'm in army... but it proves me even more correct when i'm in army... the whole platoon, most of us are poly grad... but still there's a few "ah beng" with tatoo all over... they dun really give the rest of us trouble... but they sometimes just happen to be the "hai qun zi ma" for not meeting timing or not doing things probably... not that they dun do... but they dun do it wholeheartedly... eat snake here and there...

3. Althou I learn this b4, but yet... it proves me more right in army... ppl with tatoo might not be ah beng... some of them even more gentle than I am la... gentle in the sense they dun spill vulagrity as much as I do... they seems more timid and scare than I'm... dun have the ah beng attitude at all... At first, I'm kind of scare to "te zhui" them coz I scare in the future they will give me trouble... but after awhile, I find them really approachable la... they seems to be just any ordinary human just that they have some arts on the body that's all...

4. Lastly, I feel lonely in army... not in the sense of brotherhood or homely kind of lonely... but in love relationship... the promise is offically ended... I can go ahead with who's on my mind if I want to... not that I dun have any1 in mind, but I just can't go on ahead la... I miss alot of ppl in army... I miss VIP ppl, especially shuting and yuching (dun get me wrong, just friend kind of missing)... someone that i thou will cross my mind in camp but she doesn't, it only after i book out and visited my another friend then i thou of her... but vanessa is the only person that can make me really have the missing of someone kind of feeling... not that i think of her everynight... I can say i think of "raise the banner" every night... i think of calling either shu ting or yu ching or sue feng everynight... but none of this make me feel the missing as great as thinking of vanessa... i think i only recall about her the last 3 or 4 days b4 book out... and that feeling comes with a bang...

come to think of it, out of 11 of us in the bunk, 7 of us have gf... they have someone that they think of badly inside... someone they call almost everynight... someone they think of every now and then... and someone that they know will think of them badly while they are in training... there's this unexplain kind of feeling when i see them talking on the phone with a happy yet sad, excited yet tired, serious yet relax kind of expression on the face... I know they are talking to their gf...

In simplier term, I feel something missing in my life...

hmmmm... did i finish what you guys wanna see? maybe... some funny things that happen bah...

we play musical chair and lordon bridge is falling down during our personal free time...

a group of toilet cleaner (us) sing song in the toilet while cleaning it... and we actually started a piloviola (something like that la, it's actually music with different tones or instruments make by human) ask yu ching, she will know what i mean... something like that the forever in love by tkgs... one of us just start hum a song... and another one join in with singing... the rest of us just hum a different instruments... no preparation or discussion was done... and it sound not that bad lor... lol

oh! lastly, b4 book out, section 4 (bunk 4) actually said that they heard noisy of knocking doors or cabinet or wall coming out of no where in the middle of the night... someone said saying heard noisys like knocking of the door in the middle of the night... and more ppl added details into the storys... till now, there's no exact explanation of what or who made those sound...

so far... these are the only non-yellow, non dirty, most happening incident that we have... oh... maybe 1 more... my voice can be quite loud la... that's why sometimes i'll be the timer of the platoon... and timer for the whole company sometimes... there was this time... 1 of my platoon mate timer for the platoon... while we march past another company platoon... I thou that the timer wasn't loud enough to hear by the whole platoon... so I started yelling the timing too... just an act of louder our timing so we won't mess the timing with that platoon timing... i dunno why... some of my platoon mate oso start yelling timing... then the other platoon oso increase the volume of their timing... then it turns into a competition of loudness of the platoon timing... it's so damn loud in the quiet night la 8pm i think... dunno where the hell, another 2 platoon came by... and all the 4 platoon start yelling timing and singing song/cheer like nobody business... yet the timing are still quite clearly difficient...

there was this point of time... one of my bunkmate(quite tall, at least can see his head from the back of the quad la, he's right infront of the whole squad) dunno how he march till he march into another platoon... and when he notice it... he cut his way back into our platoon squad... imagine... 2 platoon marching together... 6 files of ppl... 3 files 1 platoon... then all of a sudden he march into them... and become 4 files and 2 files... then can see from right behind... a silly head that jump his way back from the other platoon into our platoon... so darn funny la... it's so funny... that the whole platoon start laughing so loud la...

haha... after that incident, it seems to have become a habit whenever we march past another platoon... and that platoon seems to be marching right beside or near us... it will become a volume timing competition...

kk... more than enough liao... if want more, call me and ask me... or chat with me bah... haha... now is 2am... i need to slp liao... else book in without enough slp... is painful...

I know it's late oredi

2005-09-09T04:26:00.000+08:00

I know it's really really really really late oredi... i suppose to sleep now... but... I just want to blog this down.... on 6th september 2005... I had decided to answer a question in another way... haha... english b3? say this kind of lousy english... lol

I mean... if ever any1 ask me again, why did I join Red Cross only 3 years after I graduate... my answer will be... to get to know the current VIP mates...

I admit... for once, I regretted breaking up with "her". BUT! I dun now... not that I dun regret of it anymore... I still regret... regret that i ended it in such a nonsense way... at least in her point of view... but I won't regret I broke up with her... cause if i'm still with her, I might join VIP... but I definately won't be as close to the VIPmates as I am now...

A short term goal to achieve, to come out of army in 1 piece... to meet with my VIP mates...

haha... to lead with pride, Hu Ha!

Seasons In The Sun

2005-09-07T14:41:00.000+08:00

Goodbye to you my trusted friend
We've known each other since VI Programme
Together we've wore white white black
Many things we had to plan
For 3 nights
We'll go to camp

Somehow we met at KCC
Flags painting bottles labling tediously
But we still could have some fun
Yee Long Khooyu had a dance
Now when we'll get such a chance?

We feel cold, we had snow, falling leaves and squawking crows,
We had sweat, dripping down, oceans formed, a whale is found

Dreaded day of camp had then arrived
Its amazing Rachel Pang was still alive
Even though she was the first i/c
Yucky food and everything
bonds us more than anything

Christmas party cum BBQ
We stayed on from stars to the morning dew
All got to know each other more
Someone's slow with HEARTATTACK!

We feel cold, we had snow, falling leaves and squawking crows,
We had sweat, dripping down, oceans formed, a whale is found

We feel cold, we had snow, falling leaves and squawking crows,
We had sweat, dripping down, oceans formed, a whale is found

Then we moved on to CRD
Details all planned by our batch only
Super VI was a success
Oh well maybe large extent
At least fun was in the process

Now that the whale swims to tekong
Where army sirs shout "Private, knock it down!"
Every day's a scorching day
Now that you're gone please take care
Think of us and we'll be there

We feel cold, we had snow, falling leaves and squawking crows,
We had sweat, dripping down, oceans formed, a whale is found

Really Touched

2005-09-03T14:11:00.000+08:00

Yesterday went out with Shu Ting and the RC Juniors... We went Marina Bay Makan... lol... Having so many people around me but the feeling just so normal... haha... it's like an ordinary gathering AT FIRST... haha...

The highlight came when they bring out a cake... at first, I thou "hey! it isn't my bday you know? what's with the cake sia" but when they open the cake... haha... it's a ordinary chocolate cake with lots of chocolate flake... haha... BUT! that's the most special cake I ever saw... it's baked by shu ting and daphne... it might be ordinary chocolate cake, but it's the most meaningful gift i received ever since I was borned! REALLY! no joke! never in my life did I received a gift so meaningful!

Like what Shuting said, not even her parents ate the cake she baked... Same here... I never ate a cake baked specially for me b4... haha... Althou when I eat the cake, it's dry... but when I swallow it, it's sweet... sweet to the heart...

Althou they kept telling me how much effort they put in... haha.. sounds abit naggy... hehe... but well, if they dun tell me, I won't know... haha...

And sorry Shu Ting and Daphne sia... Sorry for those IRRITATING juniors that kept complaining that the cake is dry la... complain this... complain that... haha... you girls dun take it to heart la... they still young la... look at how playful they are... haha... forgive them la...

will always remember yesterday! althou might not remember the date, but will remember what happened... HUAT AR!!! lol

Busy Or Rather Not really Busy

2005-08-31T16:43:00.000+08:00

Wednesday Night (31st Aug) - Cycling With YC
Thursday Whole Day (1st Sep) - Someone come my house
Thursday Night (1st Sep) - (uncomfirmed) Meeting Darren, Mankid & Eddie
Friday Noon (2nd Sep) - MJR Unit Training, last training
Friday Night (2nd Sep) - Shu Ting and Gang
Saturday - Monday (3rd - 5th Sep) - MJR NCO Leadership Training Camp
Tuesday (6th Sep) - Go buy NS Stuff
Tuesday Night (6th Sep) - VIP Gathering

Uncomfirmed Dates:
Sue Feng's Dinner
Ci Bao's Coffee
Xue Yu's Coffee
Uncle Kenny's Bubble Tea

Rampage Of My Dad

2005-08-24T23:43:00.000+08:00

A big "fight" just happened in my house 5 - 10 minutes ago...

My dad finally can't take it... He beaten the hell out of my brother...

It's been at least 4 years since he last beaten any of us, my siblings... My house no longer have a cane so he used his belt... It's really been a long time I last see my dad being so so so angry...

After beating him up for the first time, he asked my brother to go bath and then go to bed... well, my brother's bad habit, like to say "things" out loud enough for the rest of us to hear... My dad is semi-deaf, so he can't hear... see what my brother said, "Ant bites only" He's trying to refer that the belt beating is not painful at all, machiam ant bites...

He's asking for it sia... No doubt it's painful since it's so loud... I know belt compair with cane, belt is less painful... but still... it's painful enough...

Then the 2nd round took place in the "store" room, an extra room where we planned for my grandfather if he ever needs it, currently it's like a store room la... He was beaten up again... well, it doesn't end there... He was told to go to bed this time... and... he shut the door with a BANG!

There goes round 3... The BANG was loud enough for my dad to hear lor... so well, my mum dun even have to tell my dad that he bang the door, my dad went in himself... this time round, my brother kind of rebel... with words la... he said things like... I "ren" you very long liao... beat beat beat... very song izzit... When I heard those words, I have to move in oredi... althou I dun really wanna care of his things, but if I dun stand there... 2 possible things might happened...

1. he get move beating since he will continue to utter rubbish (Being his brother, somehow I inflict a fear in him just by looking at him) So, when I stand there, my brother seems to shut up oredi...

2. he return blows with my dad (This is something I dun wanna see) It might sound crazy... but I believe it might happen... If he's the brother I know 1 year down, i dun think he dare... but now, I doubt so... things might really get really nasty... can't even imagine if it happens...

hmmmm... dunno what will happen tomolo... with my brother being like this now... and his Zhu Peng Gou You outside... I fear that tomolo he might not wanna come home... it's not impossible la... thinking that the time that I turn my face(fan lian) on him when he's home around 1.30am like that... A boy that is 14 going 15... coming home around 1.30am... he's definately not the brother I know... Anything can happen, no doubt on that...

It's been quite awhile

2005-08-23T03:57:00.000+08:00

it's been quite awhile since i last blog... haha... honestly, i dunno what to blog now... but wei le wo de ZHONG SHI DU ZHE (loyal readers)... I have to write something at least... haha... let me see... what's on my mind recently?

Damn! practically, I'm thinking of nothing... well, guess that's who I am... someone that dun plan ahead... today got rice, eat rice... today got clothes wear clothes... I dun really like planning my time ahead too much... dun really like to think too much... just carefree, free and easy...

haha... well, by now, I believe most of ya, that can enter this blog, knows I'm this kind of person... OH! I know what's on my mind quite recently oredi...

If you were to ask me, if after I enter NS, nah... that's something too near... maybe... something like... after 10 years down the road, I'm in my 30s while you guys in your late 20s... who will I still keep in contact... My instint tells me, my poly friends will not... my secondary sch friends maybe a few, or rather those few... my primary sch friend, cant think of any... Ppl that I will keep in contact are ppl I know from VIP... dunno why... I have this strong belief we will still keep in contact... and i believe this is because of 1 person... KY... haha...

he gives me a feeling, 10 years down the road, he will be the person that remember, "10 years ago, I was in VIP... it's about time to have a gathering..." haha... like what he said, "maybe on the day of his marriage, (abit crappy here) he marrying eileen and zaidi marrying hafizah on the same day in Red Cross HQ. Then some of us coming back to hq with a couple of kids... Having a saluting parade when they march into haw par hall..." haha... it's really kind of crappy... but well, it's this kind of crappy dream... that makes things happen... that drives us along with it...

haha... seems like... I oso can't wait to see who will be paired up with who in 10 years time... what will we become? skali, I really become a convict that just release from the jail... Yu Ching becomes a housewife... lol... Shu Ting becomes a boss of herself... Evonne becomes a mother of FOUR!... lol... Khoo Yu becomes a GAY! lol... Yong Hock becomes a top singer in singapore... ANYTHING can happen in this 10 years, there's no definate... you can't do it now, doesnt mean 10 years later you can't... you dun think it this way now, doesnt mean 10 years later you won't... That's life... lol

haha... althou I think KY's idea of having his wedding in HQ is insane, but I hope it will happen, I hope to see the gathering 10 years down the road... Not all of us will be there, but definately, the spirit of VIP will be there... with us...

I finally understand what that is

2005-08-12T22:58:00.000+08:00

I was happily eating and joking with shuting and gang in KFC, our usual gathering after the unit training. After the meal, we decided to left KFC and go shopping... As we are on the way out of the restaurant, I unintentionally looked at the counter... I saw a familiar back view of a person, I saw a familiar pair of jeans I once see rather often... Immediately, I knew who she is... A sudden increase of heart beat... I can feel my own heart beating so fast and hard that I started shaking gently...

With no hesitation, I turned my head around and started to walk slightly faster. To the rest of them, it might not be obvious that I picked up some speed. To me, I'm like trying to run away from something, something I always wanted to see. As I walked out of the door of KFC, I dare not turned around. I kept walking straight, straight towards "this fashion". Until I reach the door of "this fashion", I then picked up some courage to turn around to check if shu ting and gang are following behind...

After I turned around, instead of checking of shu ting and gang, I was actually hoping to see her back view again, hopes of seeing her back view walking out of KFC... but well, I guess she left...

The heart beat never slow down, I tried to speak as normally as I can to the gang. The difference was unnoticed.

Many times, in this fashion, I try to check on the entrance of this fashion, hoping to see the back view of her walking out... it never come true...

I think I finally understand what it is to have seen her in person again. It's purely fear! Fear of talking to her, fear of being asked by her, fear of facing her... but, althou with this much amount of fear, why do I still hope to see her? see her from afar, see her from her back, see her walking away...

I once asked myself... If people that are closed to me, got into an accident... I happened to be around, what will I do?

Shu Ting, Yu Ching, my Mum, my brother, whoever... I guess I'll start to panick or something... but if it's her, I guess I won't... Not only that, I believed I'll hold her hand, and whisper into her ear, "dun worry, your guardian angel is beside you, I won't let anything happen to you, not if I'm alive. believe me, everything will be fine"

I believe I won't even start ordering ppl around to call ambulance or to move away... I'll just hold her in my arms, and talk to her... dunno how it might sound to any reader that is reading this... but I believe that is what I will do if it happens...

then I asked myself again, if it's not her, and be it shuting, yuching or whoever... will I hold their hand and whisper into their ears? I guess I won't... not even my mother... I think I'll be asking ppl to call the ambulance and ask ppl to move away... then the most I'll start talking and motivate the person... I even believe when i talk, I'll be speechless, trying to talk something out of nothing...

!@$!@#%@$#^#%$@#%@#$^ ALL THIS RUBBISH! IGNORE WHAT I'M SAYING... I DUNNO WHAT I'M THINKING OF!!!

NDP

2005-08-12T00:30:00.000+08:00

after CRD, the next big thing is NDP...

the day b4, shu ting sms me and ask me... "are we friend?" hmmmm... immediately, i thou of her playing truth or dare again! haha... but after awhile, truth or dare where got ask ppl are we friend 1? so i thou she got something really really "difficult" that needs my help... and that is the NDP pledge taking at jurong east...

hey ST, next time need my help, just ask la... dun have to ask me are we friend... it makes it sound like you are trying to "make use" of your friend like that... lucky i know you are not that kind of a person that make use of friend... or else instead of helping you, i'll refuse to help... lol... coz i thou you are trying to use "ji" (trap or stratagy) to make me can't refuse your offer...

anyway, i was kind of scare throughout the morning of NDP... dunno was it scare of the relay or was it scare of the pledge taking... haha... but after that, i think i'm scare of the relay... haha... so long never run, all of a sudden run 2.6km... really scary... scare anything might happen... real scare... but really relieve, during the run ky, zaidi, edwin and some of the rest came down and run with us... at least, someone i know are running with me... althou the new batch of GIRLS are approachable and friendly... but still... i'm not so comfortable being with them...

after the run, woah! so relieve sia... it was easier than i thou... I thou i run for 1km i'll be like jumping on 1 leg or something... but i can tah han throu the whole thing... and after that, both leg muscle pain... i guess cycling and running is using a different part of your muscle... well, enjoy running la... haha... the feeling of running again is so great...

after that, went for the NDP thingy... ST escort me there... haha... wah lao eh... the toilet at the mrt station... super dirty ar! especially the cubical that i was changing in... better dun descript ar... so so so so dirty ar! look at the toilet bowl alone feel like vomiting liao...

ST left... and i'm alone waiting like an idiot watching the TV showing the live NDP... but well, at least the person i/c was not what shu ting said that uncle that is very rude and unfriendly... hehe... actually, i plan to be rude with him if he's going to be rude with me... but once talk to the person i/c that day, can feel he's kind, approachable and friendly... haha.. so i didn't rude with him...

After the whole NDP thingy, hp network busy... so i can't call out... only after awhile, then mention to call yc... travel to raffles place... then... hai... act smart... thou i know the way... so i didn't check the map... and went the wrong direction... i think i walk for like 20 minutes lor... and 20 minute of fast walking... no walking on my own sweet time... then went to the wrong HANS... stupid sia... 2 HANS so close to each other... dunno what the management is thinking 1...

ya... then kanna bully by 2 gals... yc and evonne... that have so so so much fun playing with the tattoo... on my face somemore... haiz... nvm la... since everyone had fun... lol...

then me and yc dunno which nut went loose? we travel from raffles place to pasir ris... then pasir ris to lavender... then back to where we need to go, home... well... had fun talking with each other la... yup... that question you asked me, is actually a question i wan to ask you... haha... GREAT MIND THINK ALIKE! =p

then i ask to meet her at her house below to chit chat somemore... anyway, if you are tired, and dun wan to meet... can just say 1... dun have to force yourself... coz i felt like disturbing your slp like that lor... haha... i can go home slp the next day, but you can't...

anyway, during a point of the time, i mention being yourself as often as you can be... it's actually something always on my mind.... but i nv say... why i say out? because i wanted to tell you, it's ok if when we talk, we will ended up with a debed... coz that's you... and it's perfectly alright to be you in front of me... i accept you as a friend for who you are, and not for who i want you to be... (sound like sweet talking liao) that's the real bottom line when i said always try to be who you are when you have the chances to be...

k... next event to busy with... 13th augest... west district mass OA accredidation... actually not busy with la... help out with la... lol

time to update!

2005-08-12T00:02:00.000+08:00

Waoh! been awhile since I last update... hmmm... think i should begin with CRD bah...

kind of insane! A committee formed up and must complete the task in 2 week plus with no senior instructor nor YO's guidance! althou, I personally think this event wasn't really a success but it isn't a failure too... with no much guidance from other ppl, we manage to at least let everything run smoothly... it's worth praising la...

althou, to me, CRD isn't a big event, but wanting us to do all the work in 2 weeks, it's abit short of time... it's not impossible, yup, since we already make it come true... haha... but it's really a hell lot of work to be done since most of us are studying and examinations are around the corners...

honestly, quite disappointed with the video... I dunno why for the formal video, there's jump and skip of some portion... disappointing! the PA system isn't really working up to standard... well, it's my fault too... since I'm suppose to work with PA and make sure it works b4 it starts... I should have tested the system... a dry run and make sure the system is working to what volume i want... but i didn't... i only tested the speaker are working, the amplifier is working, the projector is working... and i stopped there... why it's my fault and not a learning lesson? coz I knew i should have done it in the first place, but i didn't... I thou the PA should know what to do, but i was wrong... they amplify the sound and there's too many feedback...

then i'm suppose to be the logistic i/c... but i didn't do much on my log... even on the actual day, i'm so sturbborn to be working on the VI man... and have to be late for the start of preparation of CRD... logistic are being distributed out without me knowing where they go... that's why when getting them back, it was quite a mess and there's no system of collecting the log...

after this event, I found out that I'm actually not a real team player... I prefer to work alone more than working in a group... even if I work in a group, things are always in my head, and my team mate won't really know what i'm thinking in my head, till they ask or till the actual thing... from this event, it proves another thing that i had know for quite awhile ago... I'm a person that once I set my mind on something, I won't give up that easily till i achieve it... and one thing go along with it... "nothing is impossible"... that's why someone once told me it's my passionate that is attractive... well... maybe...

kk... next blog!

Busy wor

2005-07-27T21:24:00.000+08:00

very busy wor... I'm tightly tied down by my workload... no much time for blogging... anyway... someone just touched my heart... can say she's the third person that had done it so far... touched my heart not that I had fallen for her or something... just feel very gradeful to her... feel very blessed to have know her... dun feel like mentioning name here... but well... ya... that's how I felt...

oh... remember liao... I have another thing that is worth blogging... Today, I did something very very stupid... I was rather late to met the CRD committee... I left my house in a hurry... then after walking towards eunos mrt for 5 minutes... for some reason, I touched my chest and find it rather empty... I feel it's abit weird, since that shirt I'm wearing suppose to have some logo infront... so I took a look at it! OMG! I wore my shirt front side back... OMG! I walked pass so many ppl oredi... I didn't notice at all! so pai seh... I quickly walk to a HDB flat staircase... climb to the 3rd floor and take off my clothes and turn it around... so malu sia!

kk... that's all... better start working on things...

I should bath often sia

2005-07-24T00:52:00.000+08:00

Something nice strike me while I'm bathing just now...

For dunno what reason, I was thinking about the OA camp thingy... I was appointed DI for the bronze modular workshop... At first, I thou, "wah lao eh, lawrence wanna 'dua' (about the same meaning disturb) me lor... first time OA, arrow me with a DI"... but think again... out of all the OA instructors, there are some more senior instructors around... he could have arrow him/her instead... why me?

At first, I thou it's a small training for me... for me to train and practise on my skills? (whatever la, just training or experience lor) but think again, why will someone train a person that might leave RC in 2 or 3 months time?

Then, this thing strike me... the same thing I'm looking for with any of my comm... TRUST! somehow, I believe he trust me... he trust me that I can do the job as a DI...

then, I can visualise him telling me this "weiliang ar, actually, you have the capability to do certain things... but you are lack of that 1 thing to make it all happen... CONFIDENCE"

think it back, it's rather true that i'm not confidence enough to do certain things... the fear of making mistake in front of the cadets discourage myself from trying things out... Then, I'll start hiding from arrows that might hit me... should I start to face the problem... and stop hiding? and do what i need to do when i have to instead of preserve it unless i'm more confident doing it?

hmmmm... but that's slightly contridicting... I'm suppose to start learning to control what I speak, think through, then speak... coz I'm a person that talk unnecessary sensitive stuff when I'm easy with that person... meaning, the closer i'm with you, the higher the chance I'll speak without thinking throu... (not careful with my use of words)

anyway, motivated by the few words I come out on my own... hehe... and motivated to work due to the piling workload that's coming... FYI, the workload is still within my working capabilities... I believe la... anyawy, here's one of my weakness, things are only completed 1 day or on the day of the deadline... so... rush me when my work is not coming out...

The Best Dual Song Ever

2005-07-21T03:12:00.000+08:00

谈心

女:每一天
女:我睁开眼睛
女:看着窗外的天气
女:都会问自己
女:wooh
女:我最关心的你会在哪里
女:是不是也睡醒
女:有没有好心情
女:wooh
男:每一次
男:我沮丧不已
男:心中复杂的情绪
男:你总能分析
男:wooh
合:就算我沉默不语也相信
合:彼此会有默契
女:告诉我
女:什么事让你开心
女:谁让你烦心
女:让我来抚平
男:有些话
男:放在心里心有灵犀
男:不需要原因
男:我就能感应
合:能和知心朋友一起谈心
男:不在乎主题
女:感觉永远历久弥新
合:我明白全世界只有你
合:最珍惜我快乐伤心
合:好想天天这样和你谈心
男:不在乎主题
女:感觉永远历久弥新
合:我明白全世界只有你
合:最珍惜我的快乐伤心

Download Here. Right Click And Save Target As

After such a long time, this is rather the first time

2005-07-19T01:48:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since my mood got so moody because of her again...

I dunno how shu ting made me feel that way... not that it's her fault la... just that she somehow trigger my feeling of her... haha... (psst psst, actually I know what she said make me think that way, it's during the time i hestitated for a long time and she find me weird weird...)

nvm la... today, slpt till 1pm... then play maplestory abit... then go down MJR... while I was bathing, I was thinking... thinking of everything la (floating mind)... then all of a sudden, I thought of a better way of training the cadets... haha... Incentive FD Training!!!

dunno is i come out 1, or I learn it somewhere 1... it's training that will award the cadet according to their performance and attitude... for every 20 minutes of the training, a short incentive period will be given accordingly... hmmmm... althou it's a regular thing to give cadet time for rest after some training, but we never really tell them it's rest time for them due to their performance... hmmm... still short of ideas of the incentive that can be given... longer resting time for training... games at the end of the training, earlier dismissal time... what else? any1 can help think of more incentive? haha... treat to SWISSEN? haha!!!

well... after training ends, went to mac for dinner... during dinner, there is this darn lame joke said by one of the cadet about the YO... the whatever from 11th storey to B1... haha... too sensed to write down... wanna know? ask me personally lor... haha... but it's a joke that the table of us... just can't stop laughing... me laugh till stomach ache... ST laugh till jaw pain... lol... just think of it, i can laugh now lor...

after dinner, wanna take bus home 1... but i dun feel like going home... ST too... so we decided to go for a movie... but too bad... movie starts only around 9pm... rather late when everything ends... so we just go around walk walk... hmmm went fountain of wealth to see the laser show... then go carfour to shopping for popcorn... lol... then went for the fountain of wealth wishing thingy...

it suppose to be 1 wish per person... but i made 3 wishes... haha... greedy abit bah... haha... 1st wish, I wished that she will be happy (I dunno why, it's the first thing that come across my mind immediately) I thought of the 2nd wish while I was turning in circle at the fountain... 2nd wish, I wished that ST will be happy... 3rd wish is a more general 1, I wished that all my friends will be happy...

hmmm.... after that, we stroll our way to the bus stop... walk quite a distance bah... but it's ok... used that time to chit chat... and gossip... lol... enjoy gossiping haha...

reach bus stop, actually wanted to wait for ST to board first then i board, but somehow, for some reason, I didn't... i board first when the bus came... then stone on the bus liao... bad thing of having a floating mind and photographic memories... My mind can float anywhere... and pictures of my past incidence just keep flashing and flashing in my mind... not only flashing throu the mind... can feel myself being there once again... so real... doesn't matter la... haha...

got home... then life back to normal... or rather back to the boring style of sitting in front of the computer playing meaningless games... :p

BLUR LA!!!

2005-07-14T11:55:00.000+08:00

HahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahahaHahahahahahahahahaha

Mr Dumbocha (given by rachel pang) today miss his graduation ceremony because he messed up the time for it... It suppose to be 10am ceremony but he messed up with his NS reporting time 3pm... SO! he tot it's 3pm... Kanna nagged by mum (huo gai oso)

haha... was this a good thing? haha...

actually, last night I'm rather troubled by today event... I feel weird to attend the ceremony... For 1 simple reason, how am I going to face the "people I know"? I even thou to myself, being on the stage, shaking the hands of an unknown BIG SHOT, what does it mean? is that a kind of achievement? what achievement do I have? though out my life, after offically completed my poly, what kind of achievement have I made?

In poly, I do have some friend and not people I know. But during my down turn of my life in poly, I had a massive quarrel with them... althou the them was only 1 of them, but he somehow influence the rest to distance away from me... coz it's something like if he's around, I'm not suppose to be around... if I'm around, he's not suppose to be around... cut the details la... haha...

up till now, I dun really know how to face them... even if I do, have this unnatural feeling... feeling abit the fake... feeling abit the unwelcome... Maybe over-sensitive bah...

achievement, really! I can't think of any... My SIP and final year project was during the down turn of my poly life, I'm suppose to be one of the stronger member of the team (stronger in the sense of being more productive) but since alot of things happened, I become slacky and slow in my work... and since my work is part of the core product, I slow down the advancement of the other parts... that made me deserve a B+ for my SIP and final year project....

being the president of ATOMIC could be an achievement, but if with achievement like that... I rather not... coz I didn't bring the club to a higher height... instead, it's brought down... I took over the club when I'm fine... Alot of drive, alot of motivation, alot of aims... but once I'm not fine, my drive becomes my drive to survive in the club instead of to obtain new heights... my motivation was no more... my aims seems so impossible... ended up, I think I achieve nothing and didn't do my duties as the president... so disgrace of myself... haiz...

haha... I seldom sigh fyi... anyway, just felt unwilling to attend the ceremony somehow... yet I know it's a ceremony all poly student have been waiting for that they just can't miss... anyway, I just miss it... haha...

nvm la... since I oredi miss it, no point talking about it anymore... that reminds me... I still have the crutches with me, how am i going to return it?

went out

2005-07-12T22:21:00.000+08:00

morning was nagged awake by my mum...

"ah liang ar, play game until very late la... see you can't wake up"
"got set alarm? see la... nv set alarm, always want me to wake u up"
alot more of the lame stuff la... blah blah blah

ok... went to CGH for my check up... went throu the regular procedure b4 meeting the doctor... haha... rather pro liao lor... know exactly how the hospital system work, how to take x-ray, etc...

then met the doctor... but change doctor liao... abit dun trust him la... dunno how to talk 1... haha.. dun have the look of a doctor... look like a trainee... haha... relate back to us VI... have to have the look as a VI to gain the trust of the cadets... haha... anyway, I'm more offical release from the hospital... I'm allowed to do RMJ Run March Jump...

then went KFC with mummy... went CPF center with her... then went to develop photo with her... been quite awhile since I accompany my mum out... anyway, think it's a complimentry for missing my mum bday... it's during the first day of OA camp...

then went dohbi god to met up with shu ting and yc... haha... cut ALL THE DETAILS!

I really face and understand the problem of going out in 3s... haha... at most of the time, there is definately 1 person that is going to be left out... SHU TING is rather slow lor... what i mean? She keep talking about OA when yc won't understand lor... not OA... then is manjusri... how she will understand lor...

"why you give me that face?" - shu ting
(to give you a hint to change topic la)

keep trying to shift topic... haha... but think shu ting dun get me... I know she's still rather excited of the OA thingy... I'm very glad she's happy of it but it's not the right time to talk about it la...

then feel sorry to have let shu ting going home alone... but out of yc and st, i need to accompany 1 back right... and yc happen to be more shun lu 1... so... accompany yc lor... why sorry? somehow, shuting wanna participate in the relay run... feel it was somehow giving me face then come 1... then dun have space for her liao... then cannot send her home... so sorry lor... anyway, just like the OA thingy... hehe... seeing her having so much stress just to attend a camp, really feel touch bah... give me alot of face lor...

"that's what friends are for"

to me, it's more than friend oredi... coz can feel you sacrificing lor... but well, really really glad you enjoyed it so much... can see coz you just keep talking about it... lol...

actually, angie oso... think she give me face then come 1... why give me face? coz i helped her a couple of times in the past... so think part of her reason to join OA, becoz i ask her to la...

(BHB right? keep thinking ppl give me face then come) but well, that's how i felt...

then is YC! haha... always talk to her, topic usually will get to the serious stuff... haha... dun get me wrong... i'm ok with it... it's that I think you are always comfortable in telling me more serious stuff I guess... somehow happy bah, coz it require a quite a hugh amount of trust to tell a 3rd person some serious and might be sensitive stuff...

anyway, I just said something hurting to my mum... haha... I know it will be hurting... but i can't control but have to say it... hmmmm... i think how come I could be abit the manipulative... it's "yi chuang"... my mum is too... coz she always ka siao ask me some question, to hint me something else... If i can't catch her hint, I'll be ok... but if I catch the hint, I'll usually explode... coz I always think, if you need to tell me something, tell me straight, dun have to ask me something else to hint me on it... just felt irritated badly!

OA Modular

2005-07-12T03:02:00.000+08:00

After seeing Shuting's blog, suddenly feel it's about time for me to blog too... haha...

well well... OA Modular workshop should be just the perfect modular workshop I should be joining... basically for 1 difference... the difference of hierarchy... In OA, there's basically no much tension and hierarchy... or at least it isn't too strict...

What I meant by tension and hierarchy? You wouldn't feel the stress being a junior VI in OA. Or would I say, you won't even think that you are a junior VI but a VI... that's a hugh different from other modular workshop or event... I feel that we are given the respect as a VI and there isn't a line that says you are senior, i'm junior... I had this feeling, I'm in tp studies club once again, everyone do have a rank in the hierarchy, but when we work, we work as a team and not as a individual taking orders from the seniors...

Suddenly, I thou of what had happened b4... when the seniors said that we dun act like VI... we can't merge as one big group of VI of HQ... I shall not say much... but repost this question back to them... Can the Senior VI accept us as VI instead of junior VI? Was it us, that can't merge into the big family? or was it the big family that is not welcoming us?

there's any issue I suddenly think of... dun wanna say too obvious... but it's just an issue of how the senior VI look at us, the Junior VI... but well... I dun really care what they think of us... We are who we are, accept it, or they can leave us alone... so call... just leave the "rotten apple" out of the basket...

haha... hmmm... how come i got so much to complaint all of a sudden... nvm! hahaha

let's talk about the camp...

Pre-Camp
Me and Shuting reach there around 11pm... haha... very late! haha... was welcome by lugan and ambrose... ehhh... had a short briefing of what will be going on... then we were to build a structure for... no purpose! hahaha... for show only i guess... and that for show only structure was out of shape and took us approximately 2 - 3 hours to build...

that's how it look like!

After building the structure, did some clean up, then we... play poker card in the office... haha... we played bluff... then did some FORTUNE TELLING!!! haha... then play D2... haha... lawrence sir even taught me how to play with only 2 ppl... hmmmm something new i learn that is not related to OA... haha... then we play D2 for 4 ppl till around 4am then we go to bed... WELL! lawrence dun have his newspaper, SO HE CANNOT SLP! hahaha... poor angie, kanna disturb by him... haha... then he abit ki siao, start reading his knots and lashers book then start doing knots... haha... he taught me 1 decoration knot which he claim that he taught me 3 years ago... =p got some "yi xiang" but can't remember how to do it oredi... took me awhile b4 i master it... by then, it's around 5.30am oredi... so ended up, me, shuting and lawrence didn't really slp la... lied on the bed... but didn't slp...

Day 1
The workshop and camp suppose to start at 8.30... but I suspect cadet to reach at approximately 8.00am... so i expect myself to do my wash up around 7.00am...

guess what? some crazy cadet actually reach around 7.10am!!! I was so shock lor! SO DAMN EARLY LOR!!! way too early... so much earlier than i expected... nvm... we just let them wait outside and prepare our stuff... approximately 7.40am, lugan (DI for silver) and me (DI for bronze) start attendance taking... expected to be rather chaotic but it turns out well... since cadet reach much earlier than expected, we have enough time to take attendance for "early birds" and the late comers... so the 100 over cadets are spread into a time frame of 1 hour to take attendance... haha.. it's good that they came earlier anyway... haha...

gather them in carpark (oredi in their groups), briefing in the canteen, 1st lesson start, 2nd lesson start, 3rd lesson start, lunch, last lesson start, revisions, theory paper, practical accred by the VI (out of 4 of us, 3 of us dun even have OA bronze lor) haha but we still conducted the accred...

there's so far no problem other than during theory paper, I have to divide them into groups b4 the practical accred... haha... lucky I DIY without instruction given to me... or else it might be abit the chaotic since the group was not divided yet... then a major drag of time occur during the practical accred... coz most of the cadet cannot map read... due to the drag, the dismissal part for the bronze is rather chaotic... parents coming to me KPKB wanna release their children... then the "SHU MEI" come and kbkp me... KNN la! she dunno anything, then come up and kbkp me for what sia... I got very dulan by her ever since...

I'm accreding the cadets, Parent come and kbkp with me, then i have to explain to them, give them a rough time of dismissal, double check who is their child, make arrangement for them to be accred first, then still have to be the timer for the stations... AND THAT SIAO ZHA BOR "SHU MEI" come and KBKP ME!!! shu ting, fyi, the timer for the station was actually "shu mei", she pass the task BACK to me when she heard there is a cute cat in the field... dulan abit oredi lor! cute cat that arouse her? F sia!

but well, "ku jing gan lai" althou very very dulan when the "shu mei" came up and start dismiss the cadets once they completed their stations (very chaotic)... but a couple of cute female cadet actually said something nice... haha... =p cute? in the sense... Shuting should know la... they "thank you, mdm" " thank you sir" all of a sudden out of no reason... just the 2 of them... me and shuting was like -_-" but... haha... I feel so much better after that...

then they slowly "claim" their belonging all over the classrooms and bunk(chaotic right?) and slowly cadets starts to go home... then a few cadet come and ask me their result la, how do they get their result la, etc... then i chatted with some of them for awhile, hmmm... then got 4 of them ask me how old am i? haha... A question I dun expected to be asked... ops... they guess that i'm 17, 19, 20 and even 22... 22!?!? do i look that old? OMG! hahaha... i always thou I have a young look, but I guess they just prove me wrong.. sob sob... haha... just kidding...

fast forward... dinner, campfire, silver theory paper, debrief... here come the dulan thingy again... that "shu mei" actually scolded lugan for some unreasonable reason... not really scold, but blamed him for being missing for 2 minutes when he's the DI! UNREASONABLE! WHY?

Lugan brief the cadet, "it's supper time, so from now on ambrose will brief them..." after awhile, lugan heard lawrence need the silver attendance, so he went up to get it for him... he went up to the OPS room for awhile (I think less than 2 or 3 minutes)... then "Shu Mei" looked for the DI and claim that DI is not doing his job by leaving the cadet "unattended"... before lugan is back for the scolding, I stood up for him oredi...

"He went up to get something"
"But he's the DI, he suppose to be with the cadet"
"He's away for awhile only"
"but he's the DI, he's not doing his job leaving his cadet..."
"Then what do you want? You want him to be with the cadet 24 hours per day. Stick with them everytime?" I'm speaking in a rather fierce manner oredi... (sitting down)
can't remember what she said oredi... but I just stared at her... and i believe she got my messenge... I'm not happy with her... lolx... if she's going to rise her voice or anything, I'm not going to sit down oredi sia... haha... I'm going to stand up and start talking... haha... to me ar... standing up and talk is more like going to start quarrelling la... that's why when i stare at her, i was sitting down... :p

after that, OTOT... cadet going for wash up and getting ready to slp... blah blah blah... "SHU MEI" and I are suppose to get the belonging of a cadet that is having a fever and is going home... so we went to the tent and get the belonging... along the way, we saw a cadet standing with wei jian... we ask him why is he here? he answered stomach ache...

"shu mei": oh... stomach ache ar... need to go home or not? think you go home la... stomache ache leh... go home la...
(pls lor! he looks fine to me... at least, i see him smiling... minor thing only la... dun have to ask him to GO HOME?!? she's too "kua zhang" liao lor)
me: have you gone to the toilet?
cadet: been there, just some minor pain la... i have bought my medicine...
me: ok... you go back to your tent, if it gets any worse, get someone in your tent and come and look for me...

blah blah blah... debrief... I was actually prepared if she's going to bring up the issue of me being rude towards her... but well... she wasn't really paying attention during the debrief... anyway, she being the cheif trainer book in in the noon time and book out during the debrief... reason for book out? went out for MOVIE! !@#$%^&*

after debrief, some of us turned in... and lawrence, me, weijian and edmund went to tear down the structure we builded... hmmmm... during this period of time, I found out that the rest was actually unhappy with "shu mei" oso... that include lawrence... haha... great! I'm not the only 1...

ok! after that, did some clean up then i turned in too... approximately 2am bah... so tired!

Day 2
=p I'm actually the last to have woke up... I woke up around 7.20am... everyone was up... heard that everyone actually overslept... the first instructor to have woke up was around 6.20am... and the cadets actually woke up oredi... and should be attendance taking around 6.30... haha... =p

Day 2 nothing much to really talk about since I dun really have responsiblities oredi... haha... breakfast, washing of tents, area cleaning, packing up, briefing for hike, getting onto the bus, reach BK timah...

blah blah blah... Me, Shuting and Hafiz is the instructors for Silver Group 5... that group only 5 cadets... haha... well well... conducted the hike lor... 4th time in bukit timah this year... hmmmm... my group actually reach the summit b4 group 4 coz group 4 went missing... haha...

lawrence: "where's group 4"
me: "ehhh, they was ahead of us just now, we saw them at catchment hut"
lawrence: ".... where are they then"
me: "i think they took the wrong turn and went to tip tip hut"
I think he said "wth" then call the instructor for group 4

group 4 came awhile later... blah blah blah... debrief and went down the hill... went to the bus-stop... then the rest of the instructor went to west mall for lunch left me and shu ting to lead the cadets that dunno how to go home to clementi MRT...

on the bus, chatted with a few of them la... haha... it feels good and memorible to see the cadets exchanging numbers and email address on the bus... they didn't ask for shuting or mine... but I just feel good when i see them exchanging numbers and email add... I oso dunno why... just feel good lor...

then me and shuting took MRT to kallang then we change bus... and went home... slp on the bus... then go home bath... get myself online awhile.. then slp... slp around 3pm to 2am... 11 hours! then 5am slp again... till 2pm today... 9 hours... haha PIG SIA!

oh ya! here's one picture that I LOVE THE MOST! SEE! Shu Ting and Angie are SO CUTE! hahaha...

here's another 1... NICE CHICKEN!

Emotional Rubber Band

2005-07-06T20:21:00.000+08:00

That's a phrase I just find it descript my temper best...

I can be stretch... when I want to be stretch...

I'll snap when you force me to stretch...

When I want to be stretch, I can do alot of things that ppl might think it's quite impossible to accomplish... Now, it isn't too possible to see. But, when it comes to sports (bball), you can see the difference... things that ppl think was unable to accomplish, but I'll make miracle happen instead of waiting for the miracle to happen... That's when I want to be stretch, stretch over the limit of myself...

When I dun want to be stretch, I'll snap and snap it hard... the more you pull me, the more powerful I'll snap back on you... As I once said b4, I'm a person that can't tolerate scolding or nagging... You scold me unreasonably, then I'll snap back at you even more unreasonably... sometimes, I hate it when I just snap... coz I'm rather capable in saying very hurting words or phrases... I'm really that good... =x some of you might have tasted it... worst of all, guess what? I never regret that I said those words...

I guess that's me... A guy with a foul mouth sometimes... =x

b4 i go bed...

2005-07-03T19:30:00.000+08:00

actually I switch on the air con oredi... and was about to slp oredi... but a phone came... *pause* the reason I decided to blog first b4 bed... is I'm too sticky just now, sweat alot COZ SOMEONE IS SO SELFISH AND DUN WANNA SHARE THE FAN!, so i bath and i need to dry myself b4 bed

ok! the phone call thing - I notice I will get very irritated when ppl call in, and start uttering...

e.g.

*ring*ring*

me: hello
whoever: kao di(my dad) ar, today you going to play mahjong or not?
me: looking for my dad?
whoever: huh? who are you?
me in the heart: I should be the 1 asking that lor!
me (abit angry liao): then who are you?
whoever: never mind, I looking for kao di...

Btw, kao di is my dad's nick name... my relative always call him that...

My relatives always like that 1... call my house... and start talking without addressing themselve... and worst, at home, other than my mum and me... the rest dun care about the ringing of the phone 1... especially my sister!!! not only my friend lor... some of my friend call my hp oso like that 1...

me: hello
some1: you going for tomolo's thingy.
me: (oredi know who he is) huh? who are you?
some1: I'm some1
me: next time you call again, tell me who are you first b4 you start speaking.. ya i'm going...

and why I did I blog this down?

some asshole call my house... and start talking like everyone else... and... she called wrong number... not only that... she speak chinese in a tamil essense... cannot read what she's speaking other than the last few words of her sentence... since she didn't address herself first... and start uttering I got frustrated oredi... furthermore she speak machiam indian like that... so I...

her: !@$#%!@%# me(chinese)
me: huh?
her: !#%@%^U&$@$^(think is chinese)
me: who are you?
her: @#^%$#%^#$%& (chinese)
me: HUH? (rather loud)
her: @#%#&$%&^*#%^ (chinese)
me HUH?!? (even louder)
her: @#%#$^%&$%^#$%$ (chinese)
me: WHO ARE YOU!
her: !@$@#%$#%$#% indonesia (chinese)
me: HUH?!? INDONISIA?!?
her: INDONESIA!!! (loud)
me: INDONISIA (as loud as her)
her: INDONESIA!!!!! (even louder)
me: CALL WRONG NUMBER LA!
her: call wrong number?
me: ya, call wrong number!
her: huh? but... never mind...
*cut the phone*
but b4 she cut the phone she speak rather clearly, "dunno how to listen 1, keep on huh huh huh" (in hokkein)

KNN!~! call wrong number still speak in indian essense... then b4 cut the phone still "scold" me... KNS! then i put down the phone, and i start to curse and swear liao... if she call again, I sure sure scold her! dun let me know if she's my relative or my dad friend... else next time i see her, I won't gave face liao...

ok la... abit the dry liao... shall slp liao.. nighty nighty..

My back is getting onto me again

2005-07-02T23:23:00.000+08:00

WAH! SO! SO! SO! PAIN LOR!!!

I think my mum was right... Not until extreme unbearable pain... I won't say 1...

haha... but i can remember when i was in hospital... how I feel the pain when they shift me from the stretcher to the bed... althou I'm not ARGGHHHH!! but I force myself to keep quiet but looks painful... It was so serious that I believe the nurse have to give me some extra pain killer when they are straighten the bone in the emergency unit... haha.. THAT FEEL WAS SO SHIOK! felt a cold stream of blood flooding from my spine into my back neck into my brain... it's really that fast and cooling... SHIOK! I think after that I had a nice slp for 1 - 2 hours...

Out of topic! =p Ehh... my back is giving me a headache... haha... I now can't even stand up in a sudden movement... even if i cough, I'll feel the pain aching from behind... Sob Sob...

Oh... Angie oso have back problem... so I encourage her to go see doctor with me... haha.. so even if we are force to be hospitalise... we can accompany each other... haha... but she's so scarycat, she keep rejecting me... or changing of topic... haha... then nvm la... shu ting said she will accompany me go on thursday... haha... so sweet of her... yaya.. my darling mah... =p haha... *juz kidding*

ohh... before i go orh orh, just now went MJR to attain scout campfire... not really attend the campfire la... but just went there after it ends... =p that's not the point... haha... when we are going out of the school, somewhere near the gate... I walk pass a group of GG... and I heard "weiliang sheng bing le"... at first, I thou weiliang is a common name... so shouldn't be mentioning me... so i walk on... but after about 2 sec... I stopped! ehhh... where got so conincidence weiliang is sick? (coz I kept coughing) then I turned around and see who was it.. but well, it's just a group of GG that i dun even know... and they laugh... In my heart, how the hell they know my name? anyway, SIAO! I dunno any of you all, talk behind my back... HMPH! so i turned around and walk off... pointless if I were to walk over and say might I know who just mention my name... haha... if I'm not in red cross tee and not in mjr oredi... most likely I'll go over... =p (ya right)

haha... oh... another issue! during RC training yesterdae, 1 ah beng come to "disturb" our training... ehhh... cut the details of how I ah beng back with him abit... not really kpkb with him la... but I abit the "confront" him la... nvm nvm... if it's you, what will you do? hmmmm... I really wonder... if it's any other ppl, what will they do? If it's lawrence sir, I think he will ask that person to leave in a polite manner... but will he really go? hmmmm.... coz if I "comfront" him, usually this kind of situation will ended up into a big quarrel... so it wasn't smart for me to have "comfront" him... Lucky nothing really happened...

cut the crap oredi la.. haha... always crap so long... ehhh... just took some cough medicine... i wonder if i took extra again... I did check this time round... I make sure i took only 10ml... but... I took 3 spoon of medicine... hmmmm... THREE SPOON 10ml? sure or not? haha... scali I over dose again... but think not bah... coz my hand is not numb... nor drowzy... ehhh.... shall go slp soon... nighty nighty...

臭豆腐

2005-07-01T13:10:00.000+08:00

虽然豆腐坏了,但是我们还是能吃臭豆腐

Your Loneliness Quotient Test Results

2005-07-01T12:43:00.000+08:00

Loneliness Quotient: 37%

Your Personalized Assessment Report:

Your LQ score could be better, but you are certainly not in an unhealthy zone. You should take care, however, to resolve some of the issues that prevent you from achieving a lower score. Your friend issues are one blemish on your situation. Difficulties in this area are having an impact on your loneliness, and this is something that needs improvement. Luckily in your case, your family situation is not causing you any troubles. A positive family situation is definitely helpful. Your romantic life, however, needs work. There is a lot of room for improvement there, and you really need to search for that girl of your dreams. Thankfully you do not have a problem with shyness, so pursuing romantic leads and finding friends will not be as difficult as it might have been. On a final note, there seem to be some insecurity issues that you need to work through. Improving self-esteem will aid you in lowering your LQ.

Take the Loneliness Quotient Test at Dating Diversions

Love/Romance Issues

You can reduce your level of loneliness by finding love. Loneliness leads to many negative feelings, even including the belief that you will never find that special girl to complete you. This is most certainly not the case. Millions of people are single, and many of them believe they'll never find the love of their life. However, they are finding how wrong those self-defeating thoughts are once they try out sites like AmericanSingles.com and Yahoo! Personals. These matchmaking sites allow you to search for people in your area who match your interests. And for people with marriage as a goal, there are sites like eharmony.com and True.com which cater exclusively to people seeking serious, long-term relationships.

It's the 21st Century, there's no reason not to use these tools we have available to us. Our modern world often isolates us, but technology can also bring us together. Dating Diversions does not currently offer any matching services of our own, however you can browse through our growing database of dating advice to get additional ideas for meeting people in your area, if you're not ready to give the match-making sites a try.

Friend Issues

You can reduce loneliness by expanding your circle of friends. Dating Diversions does not currently offer friendship matching services, but you might want to try a site like FriendFinder.com to search for like-minded people in your area. They are out there, you just aren't finding them!

Dating Diversions is currently building a database of localized advice that may be of help to you. Most of it is currently geared toward daters, but it could be useful to friend-seekers as well. Common advice is to meet people at coffee shops, bars, and local events. Try new things. You won't meet new people if you keep doing what you've been doing.

Finally, if you want to make online friends, give 4thKingdom.com a look.

Insecurity and Self-Esteem

The LQ test revealed a degree of underlying self-esteem issues, which are likely having a negative impact on your life. The best advice to give you is to see a psychologist and get started on a program to improve your self-image. You can find psychologists in your area simply by opening up the yellowpages. They are professionals trained to get to the root of your insecurity issues and work on solving them.

If therapy isn't something you would consider right now, you could try one of the self-help books written by experts in the field. Spend some time in the Self Help section of your local book store. You'll be amazed at how much advice is out there. Or browse around at Amazon.com. Some great titles include:

The Personal Workbook for Breaking the Chain of Low Self-Esteem
Life's Too Short! : Pull The Plug On Self-Defeating Behavior And Turn On The Power Of Self-Esteem
Ten Days to Self-Esteem
The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook

If you're too impatient for ordering books, you could download an e-book like Boost Your Self-Esteem or other self help eBooks from eBooks.com.

Personality Disorder Test Results

2005-07-01T12:42:00.000+08:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

I was thinking...

2005-07-01T03:15:00.000+08:00

ehhh... think the feverish feeling is coming back again... shall cut this short...

A simple map explanation, can make you think so much... and come out with a tofu theory... it proves to me you cherish this friendship, that's why you think alot about it... I almost cried, or rather teared

A simple chat chit section, can lighten your feeling so much... it proves that my previous blog entries do have an impact on you, and for that I'm sorry yet I'm glad it doesn't evolve into a growing misunderstanding...

A simple sentence I like to tell you now...

"You might not be my close buddy yet, but you are DEFINATELY my friend and a friend I won't forget.

Still remember you ever ask me do I ever regret joining VIP?

Can't really remember my answer... but what's really in my mind but I didn't want to say out was...

"I won't regret, cause I met friends like you and yong hock."

I never wanted to say those cause I dun wanna be sentimental... I dun wanna be sentimental cause when I am, I always sound like I'm sweet talking...

Another Question

2005-06-29T21:57:00.000+08:00

IF you ever got cancer, kidney failure or what so ever illness... and you are going to die in 3 weeks... and here's the situation... you have a bf/gf, you love him/her very much... What will you do?

Will you let him/her go? As in, lied to him/her, make him/her angry? In short, ask for a break up...

or

Will you tell him/her your condition... and hope that he/she will accompany you till your life ends...

What's your choice? or you have something else in mind?

K box

2005-06-28T01:29:00.000+08:00

Darren dated me out yesterdae... so we went K box todae...

As usual, he's late again... 1/2 an hour today... orginal plan meet at city hall mrt... but change to tampines mrt coz he lives at tampines... yet he's still 1/2 an hour later...

"somethings never change"

well, Mei Lian was late too... why? coz she said she predicted that darren will be late... haha... SEE! he's always late that everyone knew it... I know about it... but, just dun like to be late... and i dun like to be early too... so usually I'm really on the dot 1... haha... unless something unexpected in my travelling agenda happened...

Long long time nv sing... but well... still can make it bah... but just abit shy to sing...

anyway, after k box, went for dinner... after dinner... slack around TM, central square, and slack around the corner la... about 11.00pm then we left...

Not really a very happy and fun day... but at least, manage to meet them up... and chatted without any topic... haha... other than ***.... haha... which is from meilian... =p

My back hurts all day

have you ever think of THIS?

2005-06-26T23:48:00.000+08:00

have you ever think that your life will end in 3 days... what will you do?

or

you have been inflicted with some kind of disease? be it kidney problem? be it cancer? be it anything la...

WHAT WILL YOU DO?

Xiao Jiu coming back for 2 days 1 night

2005-06-26T22:18:00.000+08:00

My uncle came back from work in LA. Stop by Singapore before he goes back to Melborne yesterdae... The first day i didn't "receive" him from airport... so I promise my mum to accompany her and him to go do their stuffs...

so... set off in the morning around 10am and had breakfast together.. during breakfast, uncle keep lecturing me on how to be prepared for university... seems like he's very encouraging for me to study oversea... haha... coz he keep telling me going oversea got what good got what advantage... and he keep telling me how to do what to do... how to get the PR for austrella... how to apply for oversea uni... how to get around with the cash problem... etc la...

then we go SP, Singapore Post, to do some shopping... hmmm... went popular first... haha.. since dunno when, I nv been in a library or bookshop to buy book... haha... helped my uncle to get quite a handful of chinese stories book for his 4 kids... hmmm... the eldest daughter age 10, second son age 8, and the twin brothers age 3 or 4 or so... meanwhile, my second uncle came... along with his smallest naughty son and eldest daughter... hmmm... my second uncle's eldest daughter and my sister both had grown up and became pretty ladies... haha... that my small uncle dun really recognise them... haha... my sister purposely drop a book beside him to get his attention... but he still can't recognise her... only after awhile... haha... coz he saw us laughing... haha...

Next, we go NTUC to buy some daily neccessaries... ehhh... He say the things over there is slightly different from here... the brand, the smell even if it's the same brand... -_-" dun really understand... but well... did some shopping la...

After that, met RACHEL PANG! and QIU TONG... haha just said hi... and then bye... haha... then we go city plaza to buy some VCD... then we go hag road to buy some other things la...

Then, we came to ubi to have lunch... but the store that we wanna vist is closed... so we go to aljunied for lunch... after lunch, we went back to my grandparent house and my uncle starts packing for his return trip...

OK... cut the details from here... to airport... haha... half of the whole family was down to send him back la... met my cousin, siew mei(if any of you remember)... haha... just like what my small uncle said... "oh, another pretty lady is here" haha... according to my small uncle la... there's 4 beauty that he wants to meet... my sister, my cousin (siew mei), my 2nd uncle's 2 daughter (yi hui and yi min)

oh... fyi, yi min mum, 2nd aunty, dun really like the 5 of us, me, my sister, my brother and my 2 cousin... WHY? coz the 5 of us are... kind of the rotten apple of the family la... haha... we dun think so la, but she think so quite badly la... WHY rotten apple? simple, almost all of them are from good school, good results, good attitude... while the 5 of us, ehhh... play play play... naughty... get into trouble... gamble EVERY CNY! only few that dye hair... hmmm... vulgarity is part of our language... haha... so, ya... other relative dun really think so la... but she's the one that think so the most la... coz he always restrict her youngest boy to play with us... althou she nv say it out, but it's obvious that she dun really like having us around...

but, she call for me in the airport yesterday... I wonder why? keep reading, you'll understand... she asked me about my leg? so concern about me? dun think so! haha... she ask me about my check up... how's the healing process? how i go to school with my clatches? how I did for my examination? etc... it's all because... yi min injuried her ligerment during the school karate competition/training... and she's about to use clatches to go school when school reopen... ;p

Then we all went to the macdonald to chit chat... ehhh... kind of a big group, chatting there... so the ppl that are studying there... are being disturbed by us... haha.. especially me... purposely speak loudly.... haha... and make a fool out of myself to entertain everyone... haha...

then sent my small uncle off... then we went tampines to have dinner... b4 that, me and my dad went to the carpark to get the lorry... ops... my cousin father, he has heart problem... but me and my dad walk very fast... haha... not knowing he's following us behind... we continue to walk very fast... that he has to stop at a point of the time... to rest... OPS! luckily nothing happened to him...

On the way to tampines, on the lorry, I got a rather juicy news... Liling, siewmei's best friend, just broke up with his current bf... :p *forget it*

then we chit chatted till 10.30 like that b4 all of us get home...

wah... a very tiring day... YUP!