A few things on my mind
pride of a brother
never knew i had it till today... I just simply can't stand it when my brother did better than me... there are times when I realise he actually was right, or he actually did better than i am... and i just can't help but to let that anger out... I believe it's rather very obvious today... maybe on normal days, I wasn't acting like that... but it doesn't mean having a visitor in the house makes it different... I must have somehow acted the same just like normal days... just that I never relies it, that's all...
since young, i'm being brought up knowing that I'm the eldest among my playmates... and was taught to be better, smarter, more responsible compair to them... and since that's the case, I always felt I'm actually better than them in many ways (true or not, only the "ju wai ren" can see) I believe I'll never understand the feeling of having someone actually better than you in many ways always on top of you... I think it must be a suffering for them... hmmm... i wander do they understand the feeling of being on top of everyone? hmmmm... wander is the song "yue fei yue gao yue ji mo" still download-able or not...
well, that's not the point... the point is after being a brother so long... only today then i realise that I'm actually "jealous" of my brother... I never knew it... or rather, only recently, I realise that my brother is growing up... does that means he only really started to grow just recently? or does it means I never notice until recently?
being useless all the while
What you want in the future? can't remember what's the real question is, anyway, i suppose it meant something like do you wanna spent the rest of your life gaming all the while and just waste your life just like that? I simply reply I shall game while I still can... blah was the answer... but think it again... to phrase it properly, it might sound sweet talking through... but well... that's how it should be at least... I'm doing what I do best... Persistent in whatever I do... Do my best in whatever I wanna do... isn't that right? Persistent and determination to do something is in the good sense... put it in a bad sense, it's just simply being stubborn isn't it? It's just a matter of how you see it... right now, enjoying my life is what i want while i still can, so I do my best to enjoy right now... or rather till the end of my life... unless, someone can change it for me... which I doubt so... lol *touch wood sia*
what am i running away from?
I was watching tv when I saw the preview of the "ai de zhang men ren" of chn 8... It makes me realises something...
oh... anyway, it's a nice show... tells alot about love... many different aspect... in some ways, it contridict itself... but guess... love could be rather contridicting sometimes...
back to topic, I realise why I'm actually running away from her... why I block her in the first place, after she block me... First of all, I've been asking myself, why am i so petty and block her in the first place? answer: somethings happen, she block first, then i did. but i dunno for sure... Since I dunno, then why can't I unblock her now? Answer: 我害怕会再情不自禁地爱上她
in another sense, she block me first, it might be the same reason... since she unblock, it could have meant she has overcome the fact, of the "qing bu zhi jing" thingy... argghhh... hack la... it's all just my own personal thoughts... who cares? hack la
B0mb3r screamed @ 1:24 AM