Thursday, December 15, 2005.

A space to voice out

Not that I dun want to participate in RC HQ event. Not that I'm "dao" so I push away all the events you guys want me to sign up. I said I'm in NS, so i can't. That's a cover up reason. The real reason behind is I'm having the operation on 21st december, at least for the next 1 week, the cut opened wound won't heal yet. I can't even move much. At least for the next 2 weeks, I'll be having problem to even banding my knee, due to the fact in order to reach the bone, they need to cut through the muscles. For the estimated time 3 months (according to the doc, which I doubt 3 months ONLY), I'll be using clutches when I move around.

Why I dun wanna just say out the real reason behind? To me, it's not a glory thing. True that it isn't a shameful thing too. But what would other think?

"Aiya, must be "chao kan" army 1 la."
"He looks prefectly alright to me. Why go for the op?"
"It's an injury a year and a half ago you know? that's long ago" (break your bone into two and see how long it heals!" It's a wound of a lifetime"

I dun want to see that happen. It's hurting enough to know I have to go through all those shit over again. As I said many times to Xueyu, when I heard those sentence, the feeling was like adding salt onto an open wound of the heart. Pain to the core.

Wanted to tell shu ting about the ops 1, but she left earlier. (btw, I went HQ for some vivien's farewell thingy) Wanted to sms her, but think of her, now being so much cheerful and happy then I last know her, (true or not deep inside, I dunno la) I just feel so "bu ren xing" to tell her. FYI, I have this habit of keeping things to myself coz I dun like to tell ppl my bad happening or feeling coz i dun want another person to stress or worry for me.

For e.g. Telling YC will only make her feel useless, just like mmel case - my friend is in trouble yet I can't help.

I guess that's one of the reason why I never wanted to let her know about the reason behind the breaking up. A secret keep in the dark, deep inside my heart, away from her. Once a guardian angel, always her guardian angel.

Abit unorganised (i think I'm alway so unorganised)... lol... feel better now... Wrote this entry cause of the someone that said I was dao to have push away all the offering of signing up for the events. I know she doesn't really mean it, but it hurts to hear that. Knowing the true reason behind yet can't say it out.

B0mb3r screamed @ 11:35 PM