Friday, August 12, 2005.

I finally understand what that is

I was happily eating and joking with shuting and gang in KFC, our usual gathering after the unit training. After the meal, we decided to left KFC and go shopping... As we are on the way out of the restaurant, I unintentionally looked at the counter... I saw a familiar back view of a person, I saw a familiar pair of jeans I once see rather often... Immediately, I knew who she is... A sudden increase of heart beat... I can feel my own heart beating so fast and hard that I started shaking gently...

With no hesitation, I turned my head around and started to walk slightly faster. To the rest of them, it might not be obvious that I picked up some speed. To me, I'm like trying to run away from something, something I always wanted to see. As I walked out of the door of KFC, I dare not turned around. I kept walking straight, straight towards "this fashion". Until I reach the door of "this fashion", I then picked up some courage to turn around to check if shu ting and gang are following behind...

After I turned around, instead of checking of shu ting and gang, I was actually hoping to see her back view again, hopes of seeing her back view walking out of KFC... but well, I guess she left...

The heart beat never slow down, I tried to speak as normally as I can to the gang. The difference was unnoticed.

Many times, in this fashion, I try to check on the entrance of this fashion, hoping to see the back view of her walking out... it never come true...

I think I finally understand what it is to have seen her in person again. It's purely fear! Fear of talking to her, fear of being asked by her, fear of facing her... but, althou with this much amount of fear, why do I still hope to see her? see her from afar, see her from her back, see her walking away...

I once asked myself... If people that are closed to me, got into an accident... I happened to be around, what will I do?

Shu Ting, Yu Ching, my Mum, my brother, whoever... I guess I'll start to panick or something... but if it's her, I guess I won't... Not only that, I believed I'll hold her hand, and whisper into her ear, "dun worry, your guardian angel is beside you, I won't let anything happen to you, not if I'm alive. believe me, everything will be fine"

I believe I won't even start ordering ppl around to call ambulance or to move away... I'll just hold her in my arms, and talk to her... dunno how it might sound to any reader that is reading this... but I believe that is what I will do if it happens...

then I asked myself again, if it's not her, and be it shuting, yuching or whoever... will I hold their hand and whisper into their ears? I guess I won't... not even my mother... I think I'll be asking ppl to call the ambulance and ask ppl to move away... then the most I'll start talking and motivate the person... I even believe when i talk, I'll be speechless, trying to talk something out of nothing...

!@$!@#%@$#^#%$@#%@#$^ ALL THIS RUBBISH! IGNORE WHAT I'M SAYING... I DUNNO WHAT I'M THINKING OF!!!

B0mb3r screamed @ 10:58 PM