Pissed... Somehow...
Honestly, I somehow starts to hate Apple... for some reason of course... Have this feeling, apple is just making use of me... and since the past, she had been thinking, I'm making use of her... She always think that I wanna make use of her, to either knows what's going on with vanessa or get close with vanessa throu her...
She just gave me this feeling... which really pissed me off... Honestly, I treat her as a friend... and when I called her mei, I starts to treat her even better... Althou I didn't really do anything for her nor gave her any gift or so... But, my care and concern for her are real...
After Vanessa log off, she msn me. To find out if you dc, I didn't know. Cause I thou your status are on away. Only notice it as offline only when she ask me whether you slp? Hopefully, you slpt, not that your mum woke up. *Pray* Anyway, I'm kind of irritated just by answering her. She tells to talk to me, and I kind of gave her an attitude(giving short answers). Somehow, I felt I grown up, I know I can't treat her coldly, she's still consider a patient, a person in need of care. Since she looks me up for a chat, which I think I'm being make use. But, I guess it's my task, my duty as a Kor to gave her the care. Hopefully, the feeling of being make use will disappear over time bah, else she might be ended up in my enemy list. I know, I can place my trust in her again! For the sake of everyone. Let's hope, nothing upsetting comes in again.
I dare to say, in my life, I never treated anyone fake... Nor treat someone better for the sake of something... I did... But those are I treated them badly purposely cause I dun like them...
Hmmm... In the past, I think I'm a person that dares to hate, but dare not to love... Coz I didn't really do anything for people I admired secretly... Even if I did, I'll ended up heartbroken... Come to think of it, I'm damn childish when I did what I did... Funny to people that heard it, but those are lessons learnt. I didn't know since when, I starts to take set back as lessons. Learn from them, instead of being upset over them. Anyway, it's a good habit that I cultivate. :)
But now, I think I had always been in the category of dare to love, dare to hate. Dare to hate, I think I dun have to prove. Dare to love... To simplify things, I never was so sure that I'm in love! I use to secretly admired people, but these's always this question in my head, is this love? I never been able to make up it's love... But this time round, I'm just sure it is. Still remember those days, when Vanessa ask me, why I think I love her? And I can't find the reason, ended up, I gave her a reason of a strong sense of protecting her...
Alright, I dare not say it's a lie but I dare not say it's totally true either. Cause that is a thinking, a thinking generated by feelings. And love is the feeling. You may ask. Then what's the feeling of love? To me, I would say... It's a mixture of all the feelings! Sometimes, when I think of Vanessa, I felt sweet, happy, excited, etc. Sometimes, I might even feel angry, feel worried, feel upset... Almost all the feelings, can be generated when I start to think of her. If that doesn't really answer the question of the feeling of love? Then this might answer you, when I see her smiling at me, I will have a warm feeling in my heart, and I believe that's love!
But if you still think I need a reason to say I love you, then I'll tell you I dun really have a reason. Cause 1 day or another, the reason might no longer be the reason, be it beauty? be it cleverness? be it passion? 1 day, those things might be no longer there... If you insist for a reason, and my answer will be you are the reason! Cause you are always you! And I will always love you whole-heartedly!
HeY! I just notice something... hmmmm... watch!
My Reason
A reason was asked for,
When I said love you.
An answer was only found,
When I really miss you.
Is it beauty?
Is it witty?
Is it passion?
Those aren’t worthy!
My reasons are worthy,
And that is no reason,
For love needs no reason.
For love is eternity.
Reasons are for your mind,
Love is for your heart.
My heart is with you,
And you are my sweetheart!
B0mb3r screamed @ 1:04 AM