I'm An Idiot!
You might not know... Out of so many days, today you treated me with the best and truest emotions... today, when we walking home... since so long, today is the first time, I feel Vanessa is walking with me... She smsed me to meet her up... I'm really glad... Althou, I did agreed with Darren to go KTV together... But I turned him down in the end, I really did...
There could be an unvisible proof that I have to show you... that after today walk you home... I'm sure of the feeling towards you... Have you doubt why today I took so long to go home? almost 1 and a half hour... I went to Parkway Parade and bought you a gift... A gift I want to give u when the time is right... the time I had been waiting for...
Reading your blog, I really didn't know that I oredi successfully made you cried... I already successed in making you back an emotion person... I thou you keep insisting that you lost your emotions when I can see... you're only mouth hard, heart soft... so... since you want to think you're emotionless... So I play reverse-psyco with you... agreed with you that you are emotionless than to disagree with you...
I'm a human too... Everytime listen to you, how emotionless you are? how you have feel for 2 guys? how you fake infront of me? I'll get tired too... Just that, I know 2 person can't be tired at the same time, else the relationship will really collapse... that's why I didn't show out... I even posted a hidden blog entries... that says how tired I'm... I admit, last night when you talk to me on msn... I'm really tired of it liao, furthermore, I didn't have enough slp previous night... yet I can't leave you alone... So... I listened to you and your problems... Do you believe, I'm so tired, that I fall aslp infront of the computer... that's why I didn't reply you... I left msn without saying good bye... not that I'm shua xiao hai zi bi qi... I'm really tired liao... My mum woke me up, and ask me to move to my room... I just alt f4 and shut down...
When I told you I can prove you, that you're with emotion... actually, I'm thinking of asking you to picture me dead, and ask you will you cry? but I think again, you'll definately going to say no, you won't... therefore, another silly conclusion came into my mind, then make it comes true lor... try committing suicide... Let you come to hospital crying, then I can whisper in your ears, "see... you are with emotions" BUT, committing suicide is something, my personality will not do... I dun believe in suiciding... So... I start thinking what should I do... and that's when I doubt my feeling of you for the first time! cause I just read a sentence this morning
"If... there is the time when u are in danger,,,,it will be the time that I sacrifice myself for u."
I feel I'm not ready to sacrific myself for you, I'm being selfish... that's why I doubt myself... cause love shouldn't be selfish... it's not about sacrific but about the selfishness... after doubting... I fall aslp... as I said... But the moment I woke up, the first thing I always look for when I woke up... my HP... to check if I receive your sms... and dun forget, I dream of you last night... meaning, althou I'm tired of the way you're treating me, but I'm still thinking of you throu the night, which make me dream of you...
You dun have to fear of me... What do I have that makes you feel so inferior and minute? You're a girl full of talent and qi zi... I should be the one that have this fear... but this is one of the reason, that makes me know I'm in love in the earlier period... Coz I dun care about what's your status, how pretty I think you are, how many talents you had, how smart I think you are... I Just Know I Love You and I dun care!
I may seems to be an hard to read book to you... coz I'm always so not organise in my blog... Just type what I feel, didn't really type a smooth entries... and when I type... I try to recall what happened and what I'm feeling now... dun think my blog as a literature study... you'll nv get what i mean, coz I dunno it either... just how I feel, I just type... just that straight forward....
I think as a summary, I know I still loves you, I'm not persisting the idea... but I'm really in love with you... told you, never I am so sure... Just that, times after times, I oso get tired...
B0mb3r screamed @ 1:35 AM