Sunday, September 19, 2004.

I Miss You So Much

This entry suppose to be hidden... I hide it coz I dun want her to read it... so since now she dun know the new blog add and blog password... even she knows, i doubt she'll check... so yup... here it is

Arrggghhhh!!! Today, I just can't stop thinking of her... Since the time I wake up, everytimes I had a short break, everytimes I close my eyes... I'm trying to give up... But yet, one part of me... is not giving up... I know I still feels for her... But... things are getting very tiring...

I ignored her today... but I didn't really ignored her, I just didn't sms her today... but I did sms her b4 I sleep... I just can't dun sms her... haiz... but she didn't reply my sms b4 I'm aslp... somehow, expected that to happen...

I choose not to sms her today. Cause I dun want to get hurt further... how hurting it is to think, you're smsing her... yet she's busy smsing someone else... that she dun wanna tell me who it is... even it's a guy, I'll feel better if she tells me... He's my friend only... I'll really feel better... even if she replys me, the answer she's giving is even more hurting... kind of meant none of your business... when she gave me that kind of answers, I kept thinking... She's forcing me to give up, I can't! but... I'm getting tired everytime that happened...

The night b4... I waited her at her house side door... hoping to just see her! but I left guessing she reach home... I smsed her to tell her... I guess she's home and didn't bother to sms me that she's home safe... I left... I was about to cross the road near Eunos... I received a sms saying she's not home yet! I immediately turned around, and kind of run back to the side door... and this time round, I'm ready to wait till whatever time she's home... but... she reach home throu the main door... I guess fate is trying to make me give up too... maybe, we are not destiny to be together... When she sms me, that she reach home liao... I insisted of knowing how she gets home... coz I didn't see cab, didn't see a single sole getting in or out of Lor H in the pass 15 minutes... But... her reply... all you need to know is I'm safely home, tt's it... My heart stopped... and I really laugh... hahaha.... I feel I'm so silly... to wait here endlessly... My mind just keep telling me... Someone, most prob a male, send her home... I just can't stop thinking she's smsing a male... and this jealous had made my blood boiled!

Poor Yu Wen, I'm giving him all kind of attitude... Even I feel I'm in the wrong... But, yet I refuse to apologise... I dunno how to... Maybe, I should try stop attitude with him... I'm really sorry for him... Just one incident to address... He K kian, said he receive another sms again to darren infront of me... then first thing that comes into my mind... was is that sms from vanessa? I indirectly question him a couple of times... till he finally got what i mean... and answered me not from vanessa... and I still attitude with him... "SMART! That's the question I had been asking..." But, he's kind of dulan after that... he can't finish his noodles... and on the way home, he's kind of quiet for about 10 minutes... him being quiet, is just rare case... he's always saying rubbish fact or fake truth...

this question pops out to me? do I really wants to give up? or am I just tired of everything?

B0mb3r screamed @ 9:31 AM