Habit
Today I was talking to Tina, and we started email conversation. To my surprise, she actually apologise to me regarding the misunderstanding we had. (Oh ya, my working relationship with her improved. Initially, I thought it's because we dun have the chance to work together) It's a good thing la.
Within our conversation, I realize something about why it's so hard to change a habit. If you want to change something, you must actively remind yourself that you want to change it. At the same time, you must know that whether have you manage to change it. And, it boils down to what is a habit?
Habit is a behaviour that is done without much self-conscious. In another word, habit will occur without you realizing that you're doing it.
So, how do you monitor something that you dunno that it's happening?
So, how do you change something that you dunno that you're doing?
The above 2 questions explain why it's hard to kick away habit.
Solution? I dun have any as of now. The closest I can have is...
Develop another habit that counter your original habit.
Example: When I'm stress, I start to eat. So instead of eating, whenever I'm stress, I go jogging.
Sooner or later, you'll realize that when you're stress, you dun start eating, but starts to think about going for a jog.
Example: When I make a mistake, I think of why it happens and gives explanation.
Instead, when I make a mistake, I acknowledge that I make a terrible mistake. I find ways to amend my mistake.
Sooner or later, when I make a mistake, I'll start to take corrective actions instead of finding excuses for myself
*wink*wink*
B0mb3r screamed @ 6:59 PM
KL Trip
The usually lazy me, finally decided to download the KL trip photo from Yanliang's given link. Looking at the photos, listening to eyes on me, not studying =x... It reminds me how miracle-ly that two person had gotten together despite their (our) difference. All the past memories slowly appear and reminds me
- how we meet
- how we gotten closer
- your 17th bday
- my BMT farewell
- our morning sunrise cycling
- in the muddy drain
- runway cycling
- my 20th bday and the surprise
- my 21st bday 2's and 4's
Surprisingly, I just realize all those memories belong to the period in my singlehood. lol. Not to worry, it seems to me I've enjoyed my singlehood with you always around. At that period of time, I acted like a bigger brother to you. Very often, you seek advice from me and take respect to what I've said. Times and again, we met up and had fun just chit chatting with each another. Initially, it seems almost impossible for 2 person from 2 different world to unite and become one. But fate brought us together, time passes. We have been together for more than 2 years.
Within the 2 years, there are times when we are happily laughing. There are times when we quarrel roughly. Ups and Downs we faced them all. I see more challenges (same challenges) in the near future, but I hope we could clear them all and reach the destination that I always want to be. I know you know what I'm referring to. Ok. I always dunno what to write anymore. Time about 7.55pm. I think I should try call you already. lol. Hope your lesson ends slightly early. lol
B0mb3r screamed @ 7:40 PM
About myself
I just realize something true about myself, something that dar dar would have seen but had not clearly identify.
Put it in a good way: I think about others before me...
Put it in a bad way: I don't speak what I trully think when I think about others...
As a matter of fact, I didn't really want to play mahjong. But since Lawrence they all short of 1 leg, I dun mind joining but yet I wish to slp early so I can study earlier. Before the game started, I told myself, "play till latest 1am". But when I started playing, I realize wei jian and wei ji lives so far. If we play awhile only, they like abit waste time. We play 2 rounds already, I asked "2am le, when are we stopping?" They ask me if I'm ok, I say I follow the rest. Everyone say I dun mind or I stay up late 1. Then we continue for 1 more round. After finishing the 3rd round, I asked again "We continue or stopping". Same thing they asked me if I'm ok, I still say I follow the rest. Everyone say finish the last game lor. So we play till 4am lor. lol
I dun mind playing, it's the company that counts. At the same time, I want to go home to slp so I can study tomorrow. Yet, I seriously dun like "sao" (Sweep) people "xing" (mood)... So I want to play a more follow the crowd person... Instead of standing up for myself, I chose to let everyone else decide for me.
Put it badly, I wished everyone else could decide, let's end it. I'll be happy and everyone else is happy. (Being selfish in a way, depends on how you see it) If everyone else decide to continue, everyone else is happy, I'll be the only person who didn't really get what I want, but I'm okok la... lol (Dar dar, sound familiar to you right)
In a way, I think this part of my character is abit girl girl. lol
kk.. Time to slp le. It's 5am liao!
B0mb3r screamed @ 4:48 AM
Thanks to advancement in technology
With technology so advance nowadays, contacting dar dar from singapore is of no difficulty.
Phone call to china cost only $8 for 880 minutes talk time. That's a lot cheaper as compare to years ago.
Video call via internet is so simple and the video quality is not that bad la, can't expect it to be crystal clear.
Flight tickets to china is not that expensive since budget airline flies to a lot of places now.
Ok! I shall call dar dar now. She must be waiting for me already. I guess and I hope. lol
B0mb3r screamed @ 4:46 PM
Yu Ching in Hong Kong now
It's been a long time since I last blog. You can say that I have lost the passion to write what I think since most of the time it's just daily updates and daily thoughts. Since Dar Dar is oversea and blogging seems to be the best way to express myself to her, therefore I'm blogging again. Hope I can do it on a daily basis. Won't take too long to blog since I should be studying now.
Right now, I'm in NTU studying alone. Haha. Maybe not alone since I'm sharing table with a girl! mwahahaha. Just random. Yup. Quite sian to think about studying in school alone, but I have to do it since I'm aiming to do well for my degree. Talking about my degree, I was talking to my bro about his studies recently. And I told him about my plan.
1a) study NTU EEE part time for 5 years
1b) study NTU EEE part time for 2 years and convert to full time for another 2 years.
2a) Go into NIE and take teaching as a career
2b) Further my studies for a master in engineering in US
2c) Enrich myself with business management related courses (part time)
3) When everything else is stablized, I'll like to take up video filming as a hobby or even join a course to enrich myself in this area.
Ok la.. spoke alot. Dar Dar, I miss you!
B0mb3r screamed @ 2:13 PM
Happiness
What a topic! My definition of a happy life is to lead a simple life the way I want.
Different people have different definition of simple. My definition would be just the way I want. How do I want it? I guess I don’t have a plan to it. Leading a life planned in advance is kind of tiring. By the age of 25, get a degree. Fight for my career for 5 years and get married. Have 2 children. Retire by the age of 50. This is too much for me to handle, seriously!
I would prefer my simple life as simply as just to live the moments. I’ll enjoy what I have and not ask for more. I’ll do what I want for what I can. I’ll live my life with no expectation. This is what I believe of a simple life.
In modern context, such a life is closed to impossible and unrealistic, but I would like to believe this is what I want. So far, this is the kind of life that I’m living in.
Sometimes, it makes me wonder. Living a life with no expectation, somehow or another, slow downs my pace. Looking at the people around me, even the ones that are younger than me, everyone had moved on, into their next phrase of their life. Picking up their pace to suit and fit into the moving society, while I’m still walking at my own comfortable pace, looking at each one of them running pass me and ahead of me. Yes! It starts to make me worried. Although I’m somewhat concerned and worried, I’m not moving. That is because I believe that the simple life that I always wanted does not require me to move at that pace. I believe that when you are moving at such a fast tempo, you will miss out the precious moments of your life and neglect your love ones. I will like to hold true to what I believe.
A Chinese phrase should best describe what I want. 笑看世界. To add on, I would like to 笑看世界 with the woman I love. I also believe this is the main reason that I’m starting to worry.
Why do I say so? Can you name another person that have such a mentality, and to be more exact, another women that have such a mentality?
Having say so much, I didn’t really say what I want for a simple life. It’s not an expectation but a vision of what I will like to have. Share all the moments with the woman I love by my side. We’ll be living in a flat with just simple furniture just sufficient for daily necessity. I’ll be working in an office / environment with minimum commitment so that I will have the spare time to spend with my family. That’s about all that I’ll like to ask for, any thing else extra, it will be just bonus and I’ll be more than happy. =)
B0mb3r screamed @ 6:06 PM
Finally, manage to log in once
Make this a short 1 as I'm mapling now. =p
Updates from... ehhh... linkamanic(red cross event) bah... haha... It's from 25 May to 28 May (Monday)
Yup! I took leave on monday just to attend the camp. The Links (kids age from 10 to 12) are so kawaii!!!! yet they can be very very devil!!! visit http://link2007a2.blogspot.com for pictures of my cute links! but currently, it's not uploaded yet =x.
allow me to explain how devil they can be! Handling my group (11 links) alone/with my partner mentor is already a headache. Imagine on the last day, I'm handling the entire platoon almost alone! REALLY big headache ar! You can never account strength properly 1, reason being, they dun just stay where they are or where they suppose to be. Even if they do sit down, within minutes someone will say I wan to go to the toilet or I wan to go refill my water bottle or I wan to go to the bunk for whatever reason. Handling the platoon, it's like 4 times the trouble of a group. I almost shout at some of them when they were quarreling over dunno what la... Imagine 5 kids come to you, and started talking at the same time. x_x
But in the end of the day, I really miss them la... lol... for once, i really miss a camp...
Something I learn for this camp, it's also a mistake I made. As a 2 years VI (senior), I shouldn't be a mentor but at least a chief mentor. Yup, I chose to be a mentor myself as I never been a mentor for links b4 and I'll like to have a taste of what it is. Well, I can click with the junior VI but at the same time, I felt that I still doesn't belong to their click in some way. something like oil and water just dun mix. maybe that's the generation gap bah. lol. The thing that I learn is actually a phrase, which is "you either move UP, or you move OUT".
In a volunteering organisation or even a herichy base organisation, in order for the new batch to come up and learn new stuff/ to improve themselve. The older batch have to either move up or move out. inevitable, it has to happen, else the organisation can't improve and remain stagnant.
Enough of the links. The goat farm visit!!!!
Goat farm and toad farm visit is DAMN FUN! not course of the place, but course of the ppl you're going with and of course the things we had done. Words can't explain how fun it is. Video and pictures will. haha... Wait for updates bah... within this week, i sure update, coz i'll have a long MC soon. ;)
And.... Thank you cel and lisa for accompany me at jurong point. haha. else I'll bored to death sia. well! see ya guys again tomolo for movie. Tata.
B0mb3r screamed @ 12:45 PM
The world
This is the continue of yesterday's post.
I believe that the world is in the shade of grey. No definate right and no definate wrong in another words.
I believe that I'm living in the world of "greyness" looking towards the "white", yet aware of the presense of the "black". Kind of complicated yet simple thing. lol. (honestly, I also dunno what I'm writing. lol)
An example might help explain what I'm trying to say. This might be a little sensitive but I guess it's alright. Charity donation. Do you think 100% of your donation goes to the charity? I believe even before the NKF thingy, many already agree that not 100% of your donation will go to the charity but not so much to the extent of the NKF issue. The part where ppl knows the charity isn't 100% donation goes to them. It's a very grey thing, cause we can't say it's wrong that not 100% of the donation goes to charity since a portion of the money should be return to the organiser for putting in the money and effort to organise a charity exercise. But at the same time, people donate the money and expect 100% of what they donate to goes to the charity and not just a certain percentage goes to the charity.
Even after the NKF thingy, my opinion is still donate to charity (looking at the "white" side) yet aware that some charity drive are fake (aware of the "black" side).
Haha. Actually, this is a lousy example since I dun really donate much. hahaha. but what I'm saying is I'm aware of certain dark thoughts and ideas of this socialty yet I won't doubt it when it is going to happen to me but I'll be careful and escape in time before it happen to me. Haha. sounds so wrong again. hahaha. But, I understand what I'm trying to say la. Hmmmm... can someone rephrase for me?
B0mb3r screamed @ 6:35 PM
Myself
I finally understand myself recently. Thanks to Lisa, she gaves me the mood to blog this down. =p Thanks for the chat of philo, it's been a long time since I last have 1. *wink*
Myself, haha, think I blog this b4. but i'll do it again!
I'm a person who does things that I want and when I do, I dun need any reason to do it. Or rather, one reason is valid enough to be the reason for what I'll do, and that is "I want to". Sometimes, I want and enjoy taking risk, and that explain why I enjoy cycling on the busy road so much. Enjoy speeding with the car right beside you. It's just so thrilling! lol
Still rmb those days when I hope that vanessa will turn around and talk to me again yet I refuse to look for her, at the same times, i understand that she's not a person that will turn around once she decided to move on. Come to think of it, actually, I believe that she also understand very well that I'm too, a person that will not turn around once I decided to move away. lolx. We're similiar in this, am I right, vanessa? Althou we might walk away without looking back, there will always be something in our memories that reminds us about our shared memories.
One feeling that I only notice recently which is my most wanted feeling. It isn't happiness nor love. It's trust! It feels so good when ppl trust you, when ppl relay on you when things happen, when ppl depend on you. I notice that trust is also a key value to be practise with leadership. I might go in depth some other days regarding trust and leadership.
As the first bold sentence I said above, I'm a person that listen to my heart more than my mind in many issues but when it comes to BGR. I becomes very undecisive, my actions are decided by my heart yet controlled by my mind. When it's involve BGR, with the slightest risk I sensed, I immediately back off, I hate this coward me sia. lol. can't help it. That explains why I'm fickle minded recently.
There's quite a few more, but i just can't recall now. haha. will add on when i recall bah...
B0mb3r screamed @ 10:48 PM
Stress, Moody and Confuse!
DAMN IT! Stupid PA job I'm having now. flooded my outlook express with 100 mails in 2 working days, trying very hard to clear the mails but only manage to clear 50 mails today. while trying very hard to clear my mails, I still can kanna sai kang from the mdms -_-" not only so, the mdm overseeing my PA job kept reminding me things that I'm already doing or done. (e.g. I finishing typing a document and send out, after 2 or 3 hours, she ask me have i done or not. This process repeat over and over again. 5 or 6 times a day) DULAN 1 la!~
Then got some personal issue arise out of nowhere that spoilt my mood. Controlling my emotions while trying to clear the stack of papers and documents is xin ku de lor. But I'm glad I'm more matured compare with b4 that I actually can continue working as I know if I dun, things will pile up and people, not only me, will get into trouble.
Then the Finale, bloody ERIC! call me up just to ask for money. wants to borrow money but dun go straight to the point. Speaking in the manner that is kind of wasting my time and beating around the bush. Not only so, I isn't very familiar with him. Althou we are BMT mates, not a single time I rmb him helping me in anyway. Aiya, simply say, even during BMT, whenever I talk to him, I'll get pissed by the way he do things and the way he speak la, always need ppl to help him yet he dunno that we're helping him clearing his shit. Mama boy! simply childish!
B0mb3r screamed @ 6:15 PM